Going in - Going out
|
Posted:Jan 30, 2022 5:47 pm
Last Updated:Feb 1, 2022 9:42 pm
9652 Views
|
Going in - Going out written June th, 2021
I am an expert at going - in.
My instinct is - go in into the hollows of my heart where fragrant roses bloom red raspberries are always ripe and love never leaves.
My instinct is - to go in into my mind trying to chart the optimal path through this turbulent world.
My instinct is - to go in away from this world where is no time or place and I can drift on currents of nothing.
My instinct is - go in but find myself the rest of my story the rest of me now I need - to go out.
|
|
9
Comments
|
|
Loving kindness meditation for multiples (or you)
|
Posted:Dec 18, 2021 2:25 pm
Last Updated:Dec 27, 2021 2:06 pm
11513 Views
|
Loving kindness meditation for multiples (or you) December 18th, 2021
You are safe. You are loved. You are known. You are never alone.
Loving kindness meditation is a practice where people think positive thoughts for themselves and then others. You can find scripts, audio, and video examples on the web. I adapted this practice for myself as a multiple who meditates. Each person has find their own way healing, but this has been one huge step on my path. Adapt as you wish.
Set a timer go off every 2 minutes. The Insight Meditation app has a very flexible meditation timer. One part (we use the term part or other refer the others sharing this body) starts and focuses another part for 2 minutes, and then moves the next part, repeat until everyone has been focused on, concluding with focusing on yourself. There are 5 of us and one who meditates, so this is how we do it. Please adapt the statements things that are powerful for you.
For 2 minutes think the following statements while visualizing the other part: You are safe. You are loved. You are known. You are never alone.
It has been very powerful stop after repeating these phrases for a bit before the next bell, and see if a part answers back.
Continue for the next 2 minutes with the next part. Repeat until each known part has been focused on.
For the last 2 minutes, send these thoughts to yourself, the part doing the meditation.
|
|
5
Comments
|
|
Thinking about showers
|
Posted:Dec 9, 2021 4:01 pm
Last Updated:Jan 30, 2022 5:46 pm
11894 Views
|
Thinking about showers written August 7th, 2021
I am laying in bed thinking about showers with you.
I type to you: How many showers are too many showers?
You respond: Are you taking showers, or thinking about showers, or thinking about someone taking showers?
Oh darling honey-bun I am thinking about you taking showers and me in there with you
the water flowing over your body as my hands do also sweeping over your shoulders brushing the soap off your back
you lifting your hands over your head as my hands slide down your arms and then your sides stopping at the hips
so the water and suds flow around my hands and over your hips tracing sensual paths
the water touching that part of you that we both me to touch
but not quite yet sweetie-pie for now feel the water and know that I am thinking about showers.
|
|
9
Comments
|
|
Blessed Beloved: The Crucifixion of Jesus (early poem)
|
Posted:Dec 2, 2021 7:27 am
Last Updated:Dec 4, 2021 2:30 pm
12280 Views
|
This poem happened during the lowest point of my life after 3 failed suicide attempts. I went on a retreat to a nearby monastery. It was such a peaceful experience in the midst of so much pain, that words can't really describe it. This poem is about one amazing moment during morning vigils. I do not identify as Christian, but this poem still happened.
Blessed Beloved: The Crucifixion of Jesus written August 11th, 1996
At the 9th hour Jesus hanging on the cross cried out My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? Am I not your blessed beloved?
I know of a whose reality was anything but blessed and beloved who sat in the stillness of a monastery watching the lights dim in the sanctuary as the monks knelt in silent prayer
before the sun has risen in the early morning the soft light brings into focus the simple crucifix at the front of the sanctuary
her eyes focus on the crucifix on the myth? or man? who died a horrible death with nails through his wrists
the who hurts so badly finds someone like herself in the eyes of the man not myth who experienced such hurt and yet is God's blessed beloved
she looks into his eyes daring him with all the hurt there but he doesn't look away because he has also hurt
he has hurt so badly he cried out My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?
in the eyes of the he understands that God so loved the world that he made his blessed beloved part of it he made his blessed beloved man, not myth for only by having experienced can God reach out and truly say:
I am the all powerful myth but I am not some God on a pedestal I am also you. My has died not to become God but to become you so that you can look at him in all his pain and glory and recognize that you are also God's own blessed beloved.
|
|
4
Comments
|
|
Good girl (ptsd related)
|
Posted:Dec 2, 2021 6:35 am
Last Updated:Dec 3, 2021 6:16 am
12258 Views
|
Good girl written February 27th, 2021
I have always been a good girl. It was a role that fit well. I took whatever society-family-church said I should be and tried to be all of it to prove - to show - to hide.
Certainly nobody would hurt a good girl and I was such a grown-up good girl. What could there be in the life of such a good girl that I couldn't take care of myself?
It's certainly the face I presented and all the things that didn't fit got put somewhere else because it was absolutely essential that I be a good girl and that nobody notice all the things that were wrong.
Such a grown-up good girl even if it was wrong it must not have hurt because I always took care of everything and everyone until one day I didn't anymore take care of anything or anyone or myself.
But really in all of that the whole point was to not need because nobody and nothing was taking care of the good girl.
--------- Comment: (which will not post below, so here it is.) This is poetry as therapy for me. It came out as a flood one day. I have tried to rewrite it and it loses it's power for me when I do, so here is the unedited version. It feels very raw and very true.
|
|
1
comment
|
|
Him (ptsd related)
|
Posted:Dec 2, 2021 6:14 am
Last Updated:Dec 3, 2021 6:16 am
12169 Views
|
Him written July 8th, 2021
This is painful stuff, for to post. I need to get this out of my "In Process Notebook" and into the "Finished Notebook." For part of ptsd is avoiding anything about the trauma. I don't even want to him my father, but that is who this is about. There are not graphic details of trauma in this writing, but there is some graphic language. I would avoid it if words can trigger you. Please feel free to skip this one and move on to something else.
-----------------
The other day, I stood in the kitchen, and had velveeta on saltines, a snack indelibly associated with, him, like the big hershey bars with almonds, that he kept in the cupboard over his junk drawer filled with screws and nails, with the shoe polish for our Sunday shoes kept below.
I can smell the shoe polish, unexpectedly real, that drawer and the shoe polish, and my soul recoils, instinct to flee as far away as I can get. There are memories, of him, that I have practiced remembering, until I don't flinch, at the thought of him, in my home - in my mind - in me still.
This isn't one of them. This one comes crashing through me, like a tidal wave, the love and the hurt. If it was just one, love -or- hurt, it would be bearable, perhaps, but that is not what this is, one or the other.
Love and hurt, together, shatter me, over and over, and I am broken glass, on that kitchen floor, all over again. I resolve, to practice this memory, practice him, until I can walk over the glass of these memories, keeping the smile on my face, and not want to flee.
|
|
1
comment
|
|
Being we with
|
Posted:Nov 30, 2021 1:25 pm
Last Updated:Dec 2, 2021 12:05 pm
12697 Views
|
Being we with November th, 2021
It can be a cold solitary world but sometimes we are blessed with people we can be we with
the sparkles and starlight normally hidden inside can burst out in dazzling displays
these lonely souls in all of us can be seen for a brief moment be known by another we are we with
some of these we may last but most don't seems to be the sad fact
so I wish moments of being we with for you and I and we moments we treasure and hold onto
for those long years we are we without waiting for the alignment of the heavens for a moment again of being we with.
|
|
4
Comments
|
|
Just a thought
|
Posted:Nov 30, 2021 6:01 am
Last Updated:Dec 1, 2021 11:18 pm
11929 Views
|
Just a thought for today.
The mind is an amazing thing. You can erase specific memories, but you can't erase the impact they have on your life.
I wish to always be kind to myself, and for you to be kind to yourself also.
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
Moments in my day
|
Posted:Nov 21, 2021 6:41 am
Last Updated:Nov 27, 2021 10:22 am
12524 Views
|
Moments in my day written August 7th, 2021
1. I wake and look out the window at the morning sun shining through the leaves.
I look out the window again and it is the dusk sky of day's end. The day has gone somewhere someone.
2. I sit and stare out the half-circle window. Somehow I have arrived here so I stay. I'm not sure where or when I am. I don't move. I wait for someone say it is ok and hope they don't notice if it is not.
3. I am writing about touching a man. I write: "I grab him by the...." and stop to think about what word to write. One of the others inside boisterously says It's an ass, grab him by the ass it can't be those other words, grab him by the ass! I blush and don't write "bottom" or "tushy" or "buttocks" I write: "I grab him by the ass." The other is satisfied and lets continue on my own.
4. I am suddenly in the body. I am in bed with a man. The others don't let out if it is dangerous, so I smile and say "Hi." He does sex things and it does feel good, I think. He has learned say, "Are you ok?" every few minutes. I say, "Yes, I'm ok."
5. I look through my binder of poems. I know it is writing here every single time. I recognize the handwriting, but even if it is dated yesterday I don't remember writing the words.
6. I am inside and hear one of the others I share this body with giggle. I come out note that I do not giggle, because I do not giggle! Then I go back inside letting the one who giggles giggle and be herself in the body we share.
|
|
5
Comments
|
|
The real me
|
Posted:Nov 17, 2021 4:18 pm
Last Updated:Nov 27, 2021 11:00 am
12723 Views
|
The real me written July 1st, 2021
I sit on a low bluff looking out at the ocean in Goa age 18 and away from home for the first time.
I can see sitting beside me a version of me who is female - compassionate - loving my skirts and my bangles the anklets Shankar and Ana gave me soft and round and surprised I want to be intimate with a boy. This is the real me.
I see sitting on the other side of me another version of me who is sure _they_ are the real me male - logical - unemotional calm under pressure. My life is planned out I will be an engineer like my uncle interested in ideas and not people. This is the real me.
Some "I" sits on that low bluff and sees both of us for the first time and it is a wonder. There are no words for this yet but these both are the real me and in time we will find more of us.
This is the real me.
|
|
5
Comments
|
|
I want
|
Posted:Nov 16, 2021 6:18 am
Last Updated:Dec 2, 2021 4:00 pm
13368 Views
|
I want written July 10th, 2020
I want blue skies and sun on my face.
I want green plants growing like crazy on the deck.
I want rooms full of books like old friend and lovers.
I want someone to wear perfume for at night.
I want to not be scared lost in the past.
I want to be here now.
I want to always know that I am home and whole.
I want all parts of me to realize their dreams.
I want to be known.
I want to never stop wanting.
I want to want.
What do you want?
|
|
5
Comments
|
|
I don't want to
|
Posted:Nov 16, 2021 6:12 am
Last Updated:Nov 16, 2021 12:39 pm
12632 Views
|
I don't want to written March 14th, 2021
I don't want to is the poem that doesn't want to be written today I don't want to think write cry.
I look through my unfinished notebook and I don't want to process revise reveal. I don't want to!
I don't want to write the same words again and again these same things battering at my mind day after day.
I don't want to pretend everything is beautiful just (pretend to) be happy. I don't want to be here lost in my head.
I don't want to is the poem that wants to be written today.
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
Dark rocks
|
Posted:Nov 12, 2021 5:49 am
Last Updated:Nov 13, 2021 5:13 am
13120 Views
|
white clouds nesting dark rocks Cold Mountain, The Collected Songs of Cold Mountain
Dark rocks written November 7th, 2021
Dark rocks rest in a river bed as rushing water froths white in agitation over their dark peaceful presence.
Dark rocks steadfastly witness fish tails flickering velvet deer noses drinking and cicadas singing as the moon sets and the sun rises.
Nothing is lost. Nothing is wasted. All is known and seen somewhere in the depths of a river by dark rocks resting.
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (senfully) use [blog senfully] in your messages.
|
|
Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
|
|
|
|
|
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
301
|
31
|
|
|
|
|
|
Most Recent Comments by Others
Going in - Going out (10) | kamaruhl3 Jan 31, 2022 7:16 pm |
Thinking about showers (13) | MelbLife Jan 30, 2022 4:21 pm |
Loving kindness meditation for multiples (or you) (11) | justme51 Dec 25, 2021 3:04 am |
Blessed Beloved: The Crucifixion of Jesus (early poem) (9) | Vsecrets49 Dec 4, 2021 3:28 am |
Just a thought (4) | kamaruhl3 Nov 30, 2021 6:15 pm |
Being we with (6) | kamaruhl3 Nov 30, 2021 6:14 pm |
The real me (9) | YvonneMatured Nov 27, 2021 9:36 am |
Moments in my day (8) | Vsecrets49 Nov 22, 2021 3:12 am |
I want (6) | 69ereatwetpussy Nov 16, 2021 7:57 pm |
I don't want to (4) | kamaruhl3 Nov 16, 2021 8:35 am |
Dark rocks (5) | xLonelyCubx Nov 12, 2021 2:36 pm |
|