My Blog
 
Welcome to my blog!
Keywords | Title View | Refer to a Friend |
Responses
Posted:Jan 24, 2021 3:45 am
Last Updated:Jan 25, 2021 2:59 am
682 Views
How do you handle that contact that comes you and you just don’t think it would be a match for you as a couple? Do you just ignore it as many seem do? Or do you send some kind of response that is unclear like: “Thank you for your interest”? Or are you clear in some courteous way that you just do not believe there would be a connection?

We send out several “introduction” messages because of our belief in the 80/20 rule. We think that probably 80% of the couples we send an invitation meet or show interest in their profiles will not work out. And we get responses. Needless say, the last is the clearest and the most appreciated. Couples in the LifeStyle should be mature enough that they will not get their feelings hurt with a rejection.

Honestly, the couple being approached has no obligation respond nor do they have any responsibility explain you why they do not feel there would be a good connection. We have our “preferences” and you just might not fall into those but that does not mean you or we are bad worthless people.

We chose to respond to all who show interest in our profile. Our profile attempts to be as clear as possible about who we are and there are people who clearly have not read it. To those, especially single men, we always reply with something like “thank you for your interest but please go back and read our profile”. But generally, if we do not feel the connection we will simply state that fact.

However you chose the most courteous thing to do is respond in some way. That may stop the multiple attempts to contact you from that same couple or single male.
2 Comments
The Symptom of Jealousy
Posted:Jan 20, 2021 8:17 am
Last Updated:Mar 4, 2021 4:28 pm
729 Views

was like every morning when we, the group, stayed at the beach house that was rented for a week. Some are early risers and some sleep in. Those of us are up at the first site of light were in the kitchen making coffee and preparing a big breakfast for those would be up later.

The conversation was about the beautiful morning, the fun night and what would be happening during the day. Then one of the girls that was new the group came in and you could tell that something was not right. When cautiously asked she stated that her husband had been upset the night before because he had issues with her fucking another guy. We tried hide our expressions of what the hell did he think this was all about. We all played in the room and everyone was involved, which was not usual, even her husband. So what was the big deal? Jealousy!

I have found that are several reasons for jealousy in new couples. And is not always the demonstrates this emotion. Here are some of the reasons for jealousy which like a fever is the symptom and not the illness.

One reason for jealousy is a lack of self-confidence. The fear of not being as good as the person is having sex with a partner. You may hear moans and groans that you are not used hearing and that may make you wonder if they are enjoying being with someone else more than you. Are you going ever match up what you are hearing? The answer this is realize that this is part of the reason we are in the lifestyle. Variety can make your own sexual experience with your mate better. Everyone has a different style, different technique and if you talk about it you might find that using a different technique and they may moan that way for you. Communication is very important and can stop a lot of issues.

Another possibility is the idea of ownership. While very few people will claim they own their partner their verbiage and actions speak something different. What if I lose what I own? was a saying when I was growing up that was something like: “go home with the one that brought you”. But what if they don’t. Well, the first thing remember is that the LifeStyle is really not for couples are in trouble emotionally and we don’t own our partners. I have dealt with couples thought the lifestyle was going be the salvation of their marriage and you can guess where that led.

These are the two reasons I have found for Jealousy arise. is usually not a pretty entrance. But with good communication and honesty these things can usually be worked out.

Back the girl at breakfast. They worked things out and became very active members in our group. They just had talk about all those emotions that reared up which might not have bee discussed before they acted.

If you are new the LS then please talk about what you are expecting and communicate what you will accept. You may want start out watching and being watched, then move on soft swapping before full and from their the horizons are limitless! Or, you may decide it is just going be too much. That is fine too. You will hear a lot of experienced couples talk about no drama because ruins our experience also. So talk about and if you decide is for you We hope be a part of your experience if of course is the connection!
0 Comments
Breaking our Vows?
Posted:Jan 19, 2021 1:25 pm
Last Updated:Jan 27, 2021 4:56 pm
759 Views
I have had discussion with our vanilla friends who knew what we do as a couple. Some have not had any issues with it. It sounded like a neat idea but they just did not think they could handle it. Others would roll their eyes and without voicing their opinions you could read judgment in their expressions. Those I found quickly were useless carry conversation any longer without one of us getting confrontational and that would do no good. Those that did not think they could take on the Lifestyle but did not condemn our decisions helped work through some thoughts.

One of issues we would deal with was that of human monogamy. Are we monogamous? My first statement would always be academics are split this subject. History says we are not. But, in most cases was male that searched out multiple partners while female cared for offspring of her union. Others, and many of those more Biblically oriented would lean on Biblical teaching while ignoring that in the majority of Biblical history the “Fathers of the Faith” were not monogamous. Our own history of cultures has many examples of non-monogamous lifestyles are clearly evident. As a Marriage and Family therapist the two most common issues are money and sex. When I was in school, I would always hear that couples who have faced adultery from one partner or the other was that it was not about the sex. Well, let say that after hours of discussion I would say that was normally always about sex.

We as Americans have a much stricter expectation about sexual monogamy. This I believe largely comes from a Victorian attitude which was transplanted to New World through Puritan thought which taught that sexual intercourse was purely for reproduction purposes. This thought has culturally prevailed until recently in our national history. We had read “ Scarlet A” in High School. However possible be emotionally monogamous and not strictly stay sexually attached one person?

There can also be a separation in the idea of fidelity. Who made the decision that sexual fidelity was the primary proof of ones love for another? I have known couples where one or the other partner was never at home. It may have been work or hobbies but there was no emotional support expressed their partner but there was never extramarital sex involved. I do believe that often this was simply divorced in the house. Other couples who talked about participating in one of the multiple forms of the Lifestyle who enjoyed a very strong emotional bond with each other. The important factor of this last example is that conversation, acceptance and mutual agreement were present.

But wouldn’t I be breaking my vows if I had sex of some sort with another person other than my legal partner? Let’s look at the traditional vows:

"I, _____, take thee, _____, to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith."

Where does it say that with your partners permission you cannot enjoy having some form of sexual enjoyment with another person. But wouldn’t that be adultery? The difference in adultery and some form of open marriage is secrecy and deception. Adultery often leads to lying to your partner where people in the legitimate Lifestyle are honest as possible with their partners. It is talked about and agreed. If you are a swapping couple, will it be full, soft, or different rooms? Will you have sex when other involved or as some enjoy having a time alone. important thing in that conversation and agreement have taken place.

I believe that for us Lifestyle has increased our love and affection for each other and in many ways made our own sexual relations with each other better because it has brought us together to have conversation without pretense. We have not always agreed on the “rules” but we have come to compromise and in any relationship communication and compromise are key to have a healthy and dynamic union.
2 Comments
The Meeting
Posted:Jan 18, 2021 5:53 am
Last Updated:Feb 9, 2021 5:42 am
709 Views
It begins on a site like this most of the time. One couple interested in another couple’s profile or pics. “Let’s meet for dinner or drinks” and see if there is a connection. Or, “we will be at a local house party or hotel takeover this weekend, let’s meet and see what can happen” there are lots of expectations, hopes and even some nervousness until you meet and start conversations.

I remember when we were new in the LifeStyle and expected that most “meet ups” were going to end in bed. Yet, few did. We might courteously thank our invitees for meeting us and never hear from them again. We might have liked them and thought there could be a relationship grow out of our meeting. There were times when the conversation somehow turned into sharing a room. But then, sometimes we just didn’t feel the connection. We would always contact them someway and express the fact that we just didn’t feel that we were a good match. More often than not however, we would never be given the same courtesy and simply would not hear from them again.

Why is that? Did, we hurt their feelings? Did we make them think we thought we were better than them? Did we……? One thing I have come to realize is that unless you are just looking for someone to immediately go to bed with when you meet for “dinner and drinks” the 80/20 rule seems to be in effect. Only 2 out of 10 couples will develop that lasting relationship. That is because there are four people involved in the decision and unless one or two of the partners are “taking one for the team” all four must connect.

But don’t give up on anyone even if the first meet doesn’t work out. We have found ourselves at a party sitting at a table with a group and a particular couple is present. It is funny how different settings bring different impressions. Because that has happened to us I have learned that these are things that are not on my immediate refusal list:

Age
Physical appearance
Race
Experience
Location

So, enjoy meeting new couples, or that elusive perfect unicorn or bull and just enjoy people and may you have the best sexual adventures!
1 comment

To link to this blog (metal3702) use [blog metal3702] in your messages.

 metal3702 64M/63F
64/63 C
January 2021
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
          1
 
2
 
3
 
4
 
5
 
6
 
7
 
8
 
9
 
10
 
11
 
12
 
13
 
14
 
15
 
16
1
17
 
18
1
19
1
20
1
21
 
22
 
23
 
24
1
25
 
26
 
27
 
28
 
29
 
30
 
31
 
           

Recent Visitors

Visitor Age Sex Date
WM4Fun1954 66/53C3/2
discreetdesir55 62/60C3/2
northernmi2 66M3/2
OurSecret119  48M2/20
lindoboy100  58M2/18
coolpoolguy3  54M2/17
takeout42 65M2/16
swoboda77  109M2/16
nycfunguy01 62M2/14
maustin1707  45M2/14

Most Recent Comments by Others

Post Poster Post Date
Breaking our Vows? (2)discreetdesir55
Feb 13, 2021 7:09 am
The Meeting (1)TotallyDiffrent
Feb 8, 2021 11:10 am
Responses (2)FriendofFelix
Feb 7, 2021 2:17 pm
Waiting is the hardest thing to do (1)Go_Down_Cowboy_2
Jan 16, 2021 3:17 pm