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Last Thing
Posted:Sep 23, 2021 5:46 am
Last Updated:Feb 6, 2022 2:16 pm

I would like to say it's been nice but it hasn't.

I was given advice, I could live or I could live. Piece of cake right? It seems after receiving both the Pfizer and the Moderna vaccines, I have no immunities. I am unable to build them. It is most likely because of damage that was done in the home invasion, that gift that keeps on giving only this time, it took away.

I could live taking precautions and taking a huge risk like everything seems to have been in the last several years or I could live and shutdown again and wait to die. That's something I was familiar with. After all, I did it for 10 and a half years, right? Another Cakewalk easy only the first time wasn't and I built this incredible Pandora's Box while doing it and it hasn't been easy trying to deal with it but it was a box of my own making. I just knew could not create another one again.

So, this time I chose to live. I chose not to shut down. Along with that goes all of of risks; but, I was willing to take them. To go back to where I was, not engaging, not participating, not seeking what was missing was not living. It was existing, waiting to die. I couldn't go back to that nor will I ever have to again. I made my choice. It tremendously hard. It was a giant leap; but, I made it and I am happy I did. To do anything else would have been tempting fate. I wouldn't do that twice. So I took a giant leap of faith. No matter how it turns out. I'm not on the sidelines anymore I'm not sitting waiting to die. I've chosen to live. I recommend you all do the same.

Stop sitting here jerking off. Engage. After all it's much nicer when somebody else jerks you off than you being the jerkee to yourself. Live, Love, Laugh, Experiment, Explore, Take a Walk on the Wild Side for crying out loud and Dance like nobody's watching because they really aren't and take that Leap that Giant Leap and if you're lucky there will be arms waiting for you on the other side. It is the only place you will be safe, finally. Don't waste another moment. We waste so many of them and tomorrow's not promised to any one of us. So, live people. Run wild. Be free. Break Free from the bonds that are tying you. Throw off the chains that have held you down. Throw them all away. It's not worth it not for one moment because you'll miss happiness if you do that. You will miss the very best part of life. Take it from me, someone who wasted 10 and 1/2 years of her life. I won't do it any more. I refuse to. I will live each day as if it is my last because we never know when it really is.

Good luck everyone.h8

My Ideal:
It is what it always has been, a 7-inch or greater cock with a pulse attached to somebody with incredible stamina and no erectile dysfunction issues that can keep up with this hypersexual (that's a nymphomaniac boys and girls) woman. It's always been about the cock, my greatest love. Oh, yeah with a current STD test in his back pocket. Mmmmm. A girl can dream can't she?
Excuses, explanations; but, the bitter truth and just like that bitter pill, hard to swallow.
Posted:Aug 29, 2021 2:10 am
Last Updated:Feb 6, 2022 1:59 am

As with all things, looks can be deceiving. I stand before a mirror and I do not see what other people see. Now I am a shell, trying to rebuild after so much that was taken from me. We can never reclaim what we have lost and I have lost so much. Sometimes each day is a struggle, to put one foot in front of the other, to have the courage to try and move forward. Sometimes I cannot find it. More so now than ever before. I feel broken, adrift in a vast ocean.

Why is it so hard to put one foot in front of the other? Why is it so hard to find a man that will stand and deliver and be honest and understand me when the fear is overwhelming and understand what it is about? Understand who I am. I need someone like me. Someone that can understand what it is like to be trapped. To make choices you are not comfortable with because you have been advised you should and in the process lose your hearts desire. The thing you want more than life. You would sell your soul for.

There is a saying... "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Alfred Lord Tennyson. I understand that and I would not have let myself fall in love, I did not want it. Ran from it, but it found me. How it did is unfathomable.

How to recover? Is there recovery? Most likely not. After all, how long can you walk trying to put one foot in front of the other when you are not on stable ground before the inevitable happens? I was not looking for love. Just a regular sex partner. Funny how at times things happen when you least expect them. I get that and every time I think that is what they all say; but seldom mean. I did not expect it. I did not want it, but was powerless to stop it and powerless to walk away from it.

In the end it is just like everything else. It destroys all of you. It will take all that you have. All that you are. How can it happen when there was never a touch exchanged? Like always; the carrot was dangled. The words were spoken. The ones that spoke to the deepest part of my soul. I just pray if there is another life after this; it is kinder, gentler but with clearer definitions for me.

I will not find what I need. I need someone like me. Honest, open, giving, trusting, too trusting. It has been my greatest downfall. I came from a time when your word was all you had. It was how the world judged you. It does not exist anymore. No honor among thieves. That is more the way of it these days.

I am leaving my profile up and active, but now it has to change. Those that have my number know how to contact me; but do not expect any answers. I have none to give anymore. I am stuck in a Pandoras Box. ​One that I created by denying myself and I realize now, I will live in it forever if I do nothing.
6 Comments , 1 Pending
Posted:Aug 12, 2021 5:54 pm
Last Updated:Sep 2, 2021 8:20 pm

I know that those of you who know are laughing because you know I would never be confused by a hard anything. I would just take advantage of it if it was present and accounted for.

I am curious as what the people that read my blog, what are your thoughts of what I am referring . Please weigh in, it is important .

All of the comments WILL NO LONGER be immediately posted .

I guess this is sort of like a poll, but it is more of an insight . Thank you those who do weigh in.
4 Comments , 1 Pending
Posted:Aug 8, 2021 8:17 am
Last Updated:Aug 29, 2021 8:30 pm

So, you want to know my thoughts? What that picture inspired? What it makes me feel like every time I look at it?

My thoughts are like the ponies I want to run with. They are running wild, difficult to rein in. I feel them like the pony's flanks, quivering, restless, in need of strong hands to ease their excited prancing. I sensed a presence with me as I went to ease my own restlessness. As I laid down upon my bed, surrounded by pillows the presence was still there pressing against me.

As I pressed back into the pillows the sensation grew stronger and I closed my eyes. That was all it took and my mind took off. I could feel hands cupping my breasts as snapshot like images raced through my mind. Image after image flooding me. Arms surrounding me pulling me backwards closer to you.

It's your face I see in those images nuzzled against my neck. Your lips extended, tongue darting out to take a taste. I arch my shoulder towards you and I feel your mouth running down along its edge, little nibbles and then a tongue that quickly follows in their wake. I feel your hands running up and down from my shoulders and back again to my breasts, cupping them, feeling their weight, palming them with featherlite caresses over the tips, exciting them. making them stand erect and that was the first time I came.

You want to know my thoughts of you, now that I am back up and out of bed? I long to go back to bed, just to feel you again.
Posted:Aug 8, 2021 7:45 am
Last Updated:Oct 19, 2021 3:59 am

Trapped, in a body that is alive and awake. Never really resting. Constantly thrumming. The vibrations echoing, spreading like a fire until it engulfs me.

Trapped, in a mind that knows no solace. Never at peace. Conjuring images of you when least wanted. Those images emblazoned permanently on my brain. I can't rid myself of them.

Trapped, with a soul now twice shattered. So small now the pieces. Broken. Unwanted what that image did to me. Unwarranted the treatment it's received. Unspoken words that were meant to be heard.
1 comment
The Key
Posted:Aug 6, 2021 9:17 am
Last Updated:Aug 9, 2021 5:28 pm

Time. Again, I feel it's pull, like the tide; as it ebbs and flows, powerless to stop it. Unable to hold it back, like the passing of time.

It grows shorter now, with each tick of the clock. I watch it rush through my fingers, flowing like water over the sand, taking little pieces of me with it as it ebbs from the land.

How to make you understand what lies deep inside me? Does it matter? Is it worth what it will take to make you see me clearly? Can I withstand the storm it will undoubtedly unleash in me; as I bear my soul and the darkest part of me kept quietly hidden?

The answer lies deep inside. Locked far away from those that pry. I alone hold the key. Is there any worthy, someone like me to be trusted with keeping that one sole key?

Can he throw away his preconceived notions that keep him from following my words as they're spoken? Will he trust what I am saying? Will he have the knowledge to gain what he seeks because I will not always be within reach to give him the roadmap he needs to follow?

The fear weighs heavy like a stone. As I still walk this land alone. My future is unsure, my past but a memory that no one now knows, except for me. Dwindling like the sand that ebbs from the shore with each wave's crash then passing.

The tide crashes upon that stone and changes its shape forever. Each passing brings something new slowly, yet swiftly into view. A new awakening like the dawn. It tells me this journey has been long while it echoes the night siren's song.

Never my own victory song. Signifying it's time to rest. The way I yearn and long to rest my head upon a solid chest belongs to one who possesses the temerity and strength to keep on digging, seeking that one sole key.

Someone has offered to use that key to unlock what's been trapped in me and set it free. He battles against the fortress I built covered in point-like barbs that surrounds my soul. They are protecting all that it holds not only from the prying eyes but from the secrets stored deep inside me.

Like the tide as it ebbs from land taking with it the sand. I too feel exposed like that stone. The rough edges polished smooth like a mirror that reflects the light. But mine is dim and growing duller as I am left to wander, empty, alone without a course, without a home. Tumbling, roiling, drifting on the sand as pulled inexorably from land.

It's a pebble now that slips from the shore like the narrowing gap on a closing door. Losing its size, losing its strength as if it could ever resist the pull of the tide. It skips, it hops and tumbles as it's pulled along being drawn deeper as if by hands into the watery depths.

Like that pebble, my sight growing smaller, lost in the ever widening space that surrounds me. I am tumbling to my end. The burden is mine alone. There will be no knight, no one to break the fortress that surrounds that one sole key. It is not wanted. It is not searched for. It is not desired. I feel it's weight pulling me inexorably to the Sea.

I will find my rest, but not upon his chest. Only I would find comfort in that. So the tide will ebb and take me with it. The sea will open its arms to me and I shall rest. My time is at an end. I will not burden you my friend to give me something you cannot. To hear me, to know me, to trust me.

Because I stood before you with that key, that one sole key you could have used to unlock me. It laid in my hands open wide for you to take if you would have listened when I said take me. Listened to my words, my pleas, my shrieks of agony.

Uncomprehending you refused to give me the things I needed to keep me tied here. You were too mired in yourself to open your mind to something else. A heart so unveiled, naked, exposed. So foreign to you. You could not comprehend the jewel that stood before that one sole man..

How could you know? You never heard her words as they were torn from her soul. You could never judge their veracity because they were never told where your heart and soul could hear them. They were just left as an interpretation you read. What you wanted.

You built an image from what you interpreted. The same as we all draw our own story, images from words on a page. The author may write them; but, the reader interprets and turns those words into what they want them to be. Like all good tales this one comes to an end each interpreting what they will from its telling.

Nothing will be left behind, who she was, how she loved and what weighed heavy on her soul. The tide has come and like time it cannot be halted. Will it's pull finally succeed and take me? It is all a big uncertainty, our futures are not known.

I'll await the next chapter as it is slowly unveiled. A new knight awaits; perhaps, he will be successful in wanting that one sole key. It is uncertain. Will he hear my words that will help him to see, behind the mangled, jumbled missives, what I hold deep inside? His silence frightens me.

I will stand, barely tethered to the sand, feeling it ebb from 'neath my feet, loosening my foundation. I hold my breath and feel my heart thundering in my chest. My words confused, my mind perplexed, unsure of feelings never encountered, but the pull is inexorable.

Unable to stand against its pull. I put out my hand, hoping he sees that one sole key and chooses to take it and unlock me. Revealing the things that are hidden behind mixed up words and actions.
Fake photos and how to verify the photos you are viewing. And a few....err OK words of advice.
Posted:Aug 3, 2021 5:51 pm
Last Updated:Aug 4, 2021 4:27 pm

I have been asking for verifiable cock and pics on my profiles. The reason for this is too many times I have met with a person and they do not resemble their pictures all. As well, when I am considering somebody that has made it through the gamut giving me what I requested and have decided that I am going to set up a meeting, I check their profile first. Usually the same pictures they have sent me are somewhere in their profile. I have discovered something and it just dawned on me what it was.

Being visually impaired, I cannot always enlarge my screen so I choose to view these pictures on the website not the app. When you double-click on a picture when you are on the website it blows it up and puts a white frame around it. Consistently, I was getting a silhouette in the box and not the picture that I was clicking on trying to enlarge. Yes, I can try to scroll; but that requires trying to reach and touch and do things that sometimes my visual impairment does not allow me to do easily; so, I choose just to double-click. If it did not show up, I would just moved on, because we all know how hinky this site can be at times.

I started thinking about it the other and I used it on all of my personal selfie photographs after running across it on several different profiles. All of mine blow up, they have a nice white frame around them and no silhouette. Then I took it to a profile that I knew was much smaller than the picture he sent me. Lo and behold, there was the silhouette. I tried it on another profile where the chest hair and the areolas did not match. Oh geez, one was good. The one that had the cock attached to it? No that was just the white frame and the silhouette of a man.

What I did next was search for it with Google Lens Yes, just follow the directions you get off of the web for image search. Rght click over the pic and up will pop the picture if it is on the www . What it will not show is if it has been taken from another member. The test for that is truly the white frame with the silhouette inside and thank goodness now we have a winner. you want to verify what you are looking at; go to the website and double-click.

I do not know if it works with professional photography. I have not verified that; but, it definitely works with selfies. Hopefully; this will stop the posers and the game players on here. I have been here for months as of tomorrow. I have set up to meet just 0 men. Just over 20 showed. How many actually resembled the photographs that they had? Less than half. Either the photo was much , not of them or they were ppnot the height that they stated they were. I do not know what the men deal with on here that are actually true and seeking someone but that is a pretty poor average. So forewarned is forearmed. Do your due diligence. There are too many wackos walking amongst us these days.

With luck, I will be off here for good; well, I will drop in from time to time but not to or seek, more to touch base with friends. Friends who were too distant to ever consider the possibilities of. They are genuine, caring, human beings that have lent an ear and given sage and wise counsel when dealing with things that were so beyond of my knowledge base.

It is a knight, who honors right now and forgiven a grave error. I am hoping that he is the one that gets off of here. He has awoken something in me, I have never experienced before. We have yet to meet. If it works for the sole fact that he has rescued me, he will have the keys to my kingdom for as long as he wants them.

If this comes to pass, I will not be answering emails all long. It will give the opportunity to be posting memories and maybe a new adventure or two here. One never knows for sure, do we? He is an honorable man that I believe with all my heart and don not believe I will be lead down another garden path.

If I am again, I believe I will take a seat on a bench nearby or the ground if need be and just take in the views, the aromas, the sounds, bask in the sun rays during daylight and the moon's glow during the twilight hours. I will pray for the rain to wash the stench that has been so pervasive over the last months, until I feel clean again; which I am pretty sure will never occur. If by some chance it does, then I will lock myself back up in that tower that I resided in for ½ years, throwing away the key, never to step foot in the mire and the muck and the.dross again. I am not cut for a site such as this. Man has devolved tremendously since I was living in the world of men. The last time I had been even remotely close to dealing with men they respected women. Most treated women with respect at all times. That is no longer the case; as it was in the world that I grew up in.
Women are an end to a means these days,something they should never be. There is an old adage that states; treat your like a thoroughbred and they will never turn into a nag. This means you treat them as if they are of the highest value. Like a Queen. Respected, revered. When you treat them otherwise; that is when you are treated like the base creature you are being. One that will never be granted the audience to stand before the queen that you are seeking.

So tighten up your approaches. Think about what the woman has said in her profile and what if anything she is requesting and give it to her. She would not have put the effort into it if it was not something that is important to her.

If you think it turns us on to hear you say; I want you to suck my dick or I want to fuck your mouth or I want to fuck your pussy as your introduction, you are out of your ever-loving mind and will never gain an inch of ground to someone that is worthwhile. If your approach is along the lines of; I would love to be intimate with you or I would like to explore the possibilities with you, what are you seeking? That goes a mile. We all know what we are here for. You do not have to be blatant about it. It is not attractive in the least. Save the explicit talk for when you are together and not in public.

I used to hear quite frequently that women do not put out on this site. That is where you are very wrong. Women on this site do put out. They are just looking for the right person to give it to.

Good luck my dear friends and to the rest, I shall bid you au revoir et bonne chance. ~ V 💋
The final profile.
Posted:Jan 10, 2022 3:36 pm
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2022 5:49 am

Quite a few of you have told you follow my profile and other writings. You are always so sweet, supportive and give such sage advice when I ask. Thank you for being my friends and cheering on when I haven't had the stomach for sifting through the dross.

I am posting my final profile that informs everyone what I am looking for, what information I am requesting from you, if you are interested, because I am still getting tons of emails and I might as well put my specifics while I wait for January , 2022 to come to an end. That is when my membership also expires. I will not be back. Hooray for me, I get to escape; somewhat unscathed, not totally a few of you saw to that. If you like to use your fists or pain leave me the fuck alone. not leaving here because I have not found what I was looking for. More so it is because I do not believe I will ever find it here. This is not a place to look for a relationship. I guess they're all relationships of a sort. looking for one that lasts. You know the kind that starts as friends and ends as friends, if it ends. not looking for marriage. No, this likes to have fun.

looking for a committed relationship that is about companionship and great, very frequent; daily if I can get it, toe-curling, mind-blowing, thoroughly satisfying sex. Two great things that the world has to offer. However, the months that I have been on here have proven to that none of the men on this sex-seeking site seem to have that ability or the requirements I set forth.

ED issues? Don't bother me. not a doctor. See one because I cannot do anything to help you. Trust , I cannot. Nor will I and I cannot promise that if you do and you try you may not make it without physical harm to yourself. Fair warning. Don't try my patience or my control because both are lacking.

Please do yourself a favor, I am a BBW that is visually impaired, but I still can determine your size, both your physical height and your cock size. I want a man that's 6 ft tall or greater. I want a man that's cock is 7 in or bigger. Is it a deal breaker? I want to say yes but at times it can be no; but if it's much smaller than yeah it is. going to push you just like all the rest that are not intuitive, that can't predict when or if it's going to happen and wind up laying against my leg and not where it needs to be. It's not because of my size that you can't stay in, as my photos will show because opening up the whole ball of Wax for everyone to see and if you watch the video you will see what I do to a sex machine. I was just starting and I had to consciously think and talk myself of continuing until the machine picked up again and then I halted it again seconds later. It's because of the incredibly strong pelvic floor muscles I have that push when I climax and push you . Even bigger men have trouble times. I've done kegels, those are pelvic floor exercises that my husband asked me to do on our honeymoon, twice a and now I do them unconsciously and have done so for 43 plus years. That's is a well-toned machine. As you can see in some of the pictures. So please don't insult my intelligence and don't insult my vision or anything else. Just don't insult me because that's a sure-fire way to be deleted. If I even get a message in my email because not even going on anymore, so waste your time go ahead.

As well, I am a nymphomaniac classified as hypersexual not the sex addict. If you need to figure it , if you don't know what it is, it up cuz not explaining it. It is different individually. If you haven't been diagnosed by a psychiatrist then don't even say you are because it's not something I would even wish on my best friend. It is a psychiatric compulsive disorder. Let's just suffice it to say every man states he wants a nympho in his bed until he has one and then it's time to the piper and most of you don't get that.

I am a long song. I am not a quickie. Those multiple times a week; yeah, those are hours not minutes, not 1 hour. Those are hours. So be within driving distance for a daily visit. Can't do daily? Then don't bother me. There are no maybes in the beginning. I know what I want. I won't settle for less and I haven't in this last quest of mine; which has gone on for a very long time. Trust me, I know if you're just going to take it for a test drive because we're not doing it the first time you meet me or the second time I have to like you first and know that you're in this fully engaged before sex ever enters the equation.

I mean here we are at the th hour; not even the clock is tolling and soon I'll be free. I gave this my very best effort. I gave it a trial 3 months give or take a couple of weeks and had decided okay going to do this for and I signed up for a year. Yay ! Go ! Yeah, what a fool I was. So if you want a chance this is it. Last chance.

I do so love to dance naked in the moonlight but I haven't had that many takers because let's it, not many of you have actually shown up when you said you were going to. However; it was refreshing to have one recently tell he wasn't going to show. least I could make my plans accordingly which I appreciated very much. For the most part 82 men set up to meet and never showed, 26 did give or take one or two. How many did I find that I might be able to have something long-term with 2. How many have been long-term zippity doo dah zippity yay. It's not a wonderful in my neighborhood and it hasn't been for the most part in a very long time.

So if you want it, pull all the stops, bells whistles, trombones, marching bands, whatever it takes to get my attention because the time is flying and I will not be back. I will deactivate the while I mull over whether to close it completely or not. There is no need to fill what looking for in an individual that's all here.

Lastly, I will not trade emails back and forth. It will go to a voice conversation on the telephone, not texting. You all have fried my eyes...well you and and the etiquette that I was brought up with. If you haven't filled your height on your profile do so now and you better match it. For the most part, I've been polite and kind until I've been treated rudely or crudely or just socially yuck. I never say never and I won't close the door until it's time.

I always think that perhaps there's somebody there that may be able to engage my brain with intelligent conversation other than just sex. Somebody that shares some of my interests like football and music and being creative; oh and creative in so many different ways. But that remains to be seen doesn't it? If nothing else; good luck to you all.
Between You and Me
Posted:Jul 6, 2021 2:47 am
Last Updated:Feb 16, 2022 12:33 am
Here's a place you can drop me a note and will remain as the title says...
7 Comments , 36 Pending
Desiderata (All Things Desired) A Poem for a Way of Life by Max Ehrmann
Posted:May 9, 2021 4:04 am
Last Updated:Jul 28, 2021 1:23 pm

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender, be good terms with persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love – for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you from misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

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