Is this a bad thing?
|
Posted:Jul 28, 2015 4:31 am
Last Updated:Jul 28, 2015 6:23 am
4917 Views
|
Waitress
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man walked into a restaurant and seated himself. Soon, the waitress came over to take his order. "...and to drink?" she asked. The man said he would like coffee.
The waitress promptly returned with a cup of coffee, but spilled it on the man's lap when she stopped at the table. "Oh my God! I am so sorry!"
"That's OK," the man said, sopping up the puddle on his pants with his a napkin. "But tell me, is this regular or decaf?"
"Regular," she replied.
"Oh great ... now this thing is going to be up all night!"
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Wisdom with age
|
Posted:Jul 26, 2015 1:17 pm
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 6:17 am
4903 Views
|
Old Jack
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Old Jack was in his club on a Friday night when he pulled a $100,000 jackpot on a poker (slot) machine. When the club manager was presenting him with the check, he asked Jack how he was going to spend the money.
"Well," said Jack, "first I'll spend $25,000 at racecourse, and I'll spend $25,000 on beer, wine and whiskey and another $25,000 on loose, fast women."
"Goodness!" said the manager. "Then what are you going to spend the other $25,000 on?"
"Ah ... geez," said old Jack, scratching his head, " I'll probably just bloody squander that."
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
15 miles per blow job good mileage?
|
Posted:Jul 25, 2015 4:04 am
Last Updated:Jul 27, 2015 4:16 am
4946 Views
|
Neither the weight has been going down nor the toning going up. I need to be eating less and biking more. The motivators like being healthy and not dying young haven't been doing it for me. I suggested that my wife could offer sexual favors as motivators. That idea didn't go so well. I wonder if I might have too much life insurance.
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
|
|
Unfair but funny
|
Posted:Jul 23, 2015 4:47 am
Last Updated:Jul 24, 2015 4:34 am
5152 Views
|
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'
The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?'
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he spotted the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators all lying belly up.
The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement as the blonde struggled mightily and barely managed to flip the gator onto its back.
Then, rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration. ....
SHIT! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
That is one way of getting wet
|
Posted:Jul 21, 2015 12:07 pm
Last Updated:Jul 23, 2015 2:53 am
4934 Views
|
In Church there is a family that has recently been baptized. After a month of being new members the Bishop calls them in separately to see how they are doing. During an interview with the father, the bishop asks,
“"Will you give a talk next Sunday in church?”"
The new convert replies, “"Sure, but what would you like me to give my talk on?”"
“"On anything you feel that would be beneficial to the congregation, like past experiences and such that have changed your life in a positive way.”"
So he goes home and immediately starts thinking about what he would like to speak on. One night as he is working on his talk his wife comes up to him and asks,
"“So honey, what are you going to give your talk on?”"
"“Well, after much thought, I have decided to give a talk on water skiing.”"
“"Water skiing! What? This is Church we are talking about; you can’t give a talk on water skiing. It would be indecent!”"
“"The Bishop said I can give a talk on anything I wanted to and I want to give it on water skiing!”"
Her husband is known to be a big joker so she shrugs it off not worrying about it for the time being. As Sunday comes though, she starts to get nervous and can’t take it any longer. When they arrive at the church parking lot she says to him,
“"Alright sweetheart, the jokes over. What are you really going to give your talk on?”"
"“I was being serious; I really am going to give a talk on water skiing!”"
His wife responds, “"Well, if that’s the way you are going to be, me and the do not want to be embarrassed by this, so we will wait out here in the car while you give your talk!”"
“"FINE, be that way!”" He replies.
So he goes into Church while his family stays in the car. As he sits down and waits for his turn to speak, he thinks it over and realizes that his wife is probably right. Talking about water skiing in Church? What was he thinking?!! So he goes to his backup plan. He gives a talk on adultery. After he gives his talk and the session ends he goes back to the parking lot to get his wife and and to apologize for the way he acted. But before he could say anything to them the Bishop comes up, turns to his wife and remarks:
“"Your husband gave one of the best talks in Church. I mean there wasn’t a dry eye in the room after he finished!”"
The wife stared at the Bishop incredulously. "“You must be joking! He's only done it twice. Once with my mother and once with my sister and couldn't stay up either time!!”"
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Endurance is important
|
Posted:Jul 19, 2015 12:29 pm
Last Updated:Jul 20, 2015 4:38 am
4939 Views
|
I just finished a good long bike ride. I haven't been pushing myself as hard as I should so the last couple of miles I was slowing down a bit. Apparently I had slowed enough that a cute 20ish woman was able to pass me on the trail. Since she had 30 or so years on me I shouldn't feel too bad about this but the problem is I was biking and she was fucking JOGGING.
Prof
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
Older Guys Are So Helpful
|
Posted:Jul 19, 2015 4:42 am
Last Updated:Jul 20, 2015 4:37 am
5033 Views
|
I was in Walmart the other day pushing my cart around when I collided with a young guy.
I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, big blue eyes, long legs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"
Old man I said, "Doesn't matter - let's look for yours."
See? Older guys are helpful like that.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
Not art, but I know what I like
|
Posted:Jul 17, 2015 4:45 am
Last Updated:Jul 20, 2015 4:38 am
4849 Views
|
The lawyer says to the wealthy art collector tycoon, "I have some good news, and I have some bad news."
The lawyer says, "Well, your wife invested $5,000 in two pictures this week that she figures are worth a minimum of $20 to $30 million."
The tycoon replies enthusiastically, "Well done - very good news indeed! You have just made my day. Now whats the bad news?"
The lawyer answers, "The pictures are of you with your secretary."
Prof
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Nervous
|
Posted:Jul 16, 2015 5:00 am
Last Updated:Jul 17, 2015 4:42 am
4672 Views
|
Nervous
~~~~~~~~~~
A new TV game show in Hollywood had many contestants who were beautiful, but they weren't necessarily too smart. On one show, one such woman was extremely nervous, but tried to make the best of her performance.
The host asked, "Who was the first man, for one thousand dollars?"
She responded, "The first man was Peter, my postman, but he only paid me one hundred dollars!"
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
I'll buy the condoms
|
Posted:Jul 15, 2015 3:35 am
Last Updated:Jul 20, 2015 4:38 am
4705 Views
|
I just woke up from a very detailed dream where I was making out with a girl I dated in high school. She was one of my first big crushes. I typically do not remember my dreams but I can still recall the taste of her mouth, our planning to arrange time together, and my planning to acquire condoms. Old loves are powerful. And I'm responsible even in my sleep. *S*
Prof
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
Got caught!
|
Posted:Jul 13, 2015 7:07 pm
Last Updated:Jul 15, 2015 3:56 am
4469 Views
|
I was out biking today and got caught in the rain. I suspect that many of you would look better in the wet t-shirt than I.
Prof
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
Opportunity knocked up
|
Posted:Jul 10, 2015 5:51 am
Last Updated:Jul 12, 2015 4:00 am
4571 Views
|
Classic summer weather is forecast for this weekend. I'll get a couple of long bicycle rides in before the thunder showers hit. My mind wanders far and wide while biking and the thoughts often cause me to grow horny. I imagine bumping into someone, either by prior arrangement or chance, in a similar state and addressing both our conditions. This reminded me of one of the first stories I wrote for by blog and which is mostly true. The link is below if you care to have a short read.
Fleeting Images rerun
Prof
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (Prof10001) use [blog Prof10001] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
|
11
|
21
|
3
|
41
|
51
|
|
61
|
7
|
81
|
91
|
101
|
11
|
121
|
|
131
|
141
|
151
|
161
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
