5 Ways to Deal With Insults and Put-Downs… on Dating Sites... 😊❗❤️  

Paulxx001 63M
7859 posts
8/10/2020 11:52 am

Last Read:
8/17/2020 1:45 am

5 Ways to Deal With Insults and Put-Downs… on Dating Sites... 😊❗❤️

Recently, a lady friend of mine asked me for some advice. She's a member of another dating site and had been experiencing a spate of insults and put-downs while 'chatting'. I thought of how I might support her. With the benefit of a 2020 article in 'Psychology Today', I came up with a plan that might also help you.

Harmful Words...
Insults and put-downs can affect your happiness, confidence, and self-esteem, as well as your sex life. Over time, they can lead to lead to feelings of isolation, alienation, anger, anxiety, and depression.

That's what my lady friend was feeling. Evidently, a trio of peeps in her chat room found her use of acronyms and emojis worthy of attack. They questioned her integrity and humility and went as far as calling her an asshole, a narcissist, and a ‘crack-head’. Can you believe it? Neither could I.

What do you do when painful words are flung your way? Let's look at your possible choices.

1. Anger
Anger is your worst choice. It shows that you take the insult seriously, there might be truth in the words, and it upsets you.

2. Return the Insult
Are you clever and quick? The issue with the put-down - however brilliant it may be - is that it equalizes us with our insulters. It brings them up to our level and us down to theirs. This gives them, their words and behavior, far too much legitimacy. Returning the insult also risks injuring the insulter (who is probably very fragile) and invites further attacks.

3. Humor
Humor, if successful, can be an especially effective response, for three main reasons:
- It undercuts the insulter and his or her insult.
- It brings any third parties on side.
- It diffuses the tension of the situation.

A similar strategy is to go with the insult and even add to it, for example: "Ah, if you knew me better, you would find greater fault still!" This makes a mockery of the insult and, by extension, of the insulter.


4. Rebuking the Insulter
Ignoring the insult works with strangers but it’s not a sensible strategy when it comes to people with whom we have an ongoing personal or professional relationship. In such cases, have a quiet word, and reassert your boundaries.


5. Ignore the Remarks - the way you would a yapping puppy.
THIS is your strongest response. If you don't know or respect the people flinging the words at you, their venom should be taken with the same reaction you'd have - to a barking or a naughty . Just ignore it. It implies - “You’re so insignificant to me that I don’t even care to register your insult."

Conclusion…
We never have to take offense at an insult. Offense exists NOT in the insult but in our REACTION to it. Our attitude is completely within our control. It’s unreasonable to expect a boor to be anything but a boor; if we take offense at his or her bad behavior - we have only ourselves to blame.

How do you deal with insults and put-downs here and in the ‘real world’?
................................



Paulxx001 63M
16474 posts
8/10/2020 11:53 am

Well, I have a tendency to use a sprinkling of all of the methods suggested. My favourites are humor and to just ignore the remarks.
But with my temper, I also have been known to lash out.😎❗

Hmmm… Where was this article last week?🤔


Paulxx001 63M
16474 posts
8/10/2020 11:58 am

Now that I’ve read this article in Psychology Today, I believe to ‘ignore the remarks’ - is the most appropriate reaction on dating sites.

After all, if you don’t know the insulter and don’t respect them, what’s the point of engaging with them?😊👍


superbjversion2 65F
20744 posts
8/10/2020 12:34 pm

I usually use either humor or ignorement but ...ya, know, I'm only human....sometimes chastisement just pops out.

Sex is to Fun as Square is to Rectangle


EnigmaInitiative 52F  
3984 posts
8/10/2020 12:46 pm

In my inbox? Delete and move on, ignoring is one of the better ways to deal with them. That said, sometimes, I like to mess with them back...it can be entertaining when I'm bored.

Yesterday, I got a wanna fuck email, it's been a long time since someone sent just "wanna fuck". I kept repeated what he said, but fixed his spelling and grammar. He ended up blocking me in the end, but it cracked me the hell up.

On the blogs, I try to ignore or go to humor, but I've been known to handle things in other ways. I suppose it depends on where my mind is at that moment.

In a sense, sexuality is the built-in psychedelic experience that only a very few people manage to evade.

~Terence McKenna


redmustang91 60M  
9641 posts
8/10/2020 2:17 pm

I do not go on chat rooms as this world has enough chaos already. On my blogs I just delete and block the dumb asses.


Tmptrzz 57F
85282 posts
8/10/2020 2:32 pm

Great advice especially for this site, but I have my own ways of dealing with people like that. I hope you enjoy your evening..

Just your average every day run of the mill nana here!!!


GhostofH 61M
20120 posts
8/10/2020 2:35 pm

I think your last meme says it all. I too try to either humour them with sarcasm or simply ignore them all together.


lighthousecollec 58F  
668 posts
8/10/2020 3:02 pm

I wish I would have read this yesterday. My daughter and I had a falling out and of course I cussed out from her and naturally I started flaring back and when her husband started cussing me I just hung up. Thanks for this my friend. I think I will copy and put it on my phone to help me the next time

I have set up a private mailbox on my Blog for your convenience.


mc_justmc 60M  
6516 posts
8/10/2020 4:04 pm

insults? moi? everybody loves me


redrockrascal 62M
21508 posts
8/10/2020 4:10 pm

The way I see it almost no one here knows me. So any "insult" they spout comes via their ignorance. Their ignorance is their problem and not worth my response.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


Paulxx001 63M
16474 posts
8/10/2020 5:16 pm

    Quoting superbjversion2:
    I usually use either humor or ignorement but ...ya, know, I'm only human....sometimes chastisement just pops out.
You chastise? 🤔 Hmmm... I usually see your humour. I don't think I've ever seen you blow a gasket.
Are you good at forgiving? 😊


Paulxx001 63M
16474 posts
8/10/2020 5:22 pm

    Quoting EnigmaInitiative:
    In my inbox? Delete and move on, ignoring is one of the better ways to deal with them. That said, sometimes, I like to mess with them back...it can be entertaining when I'm bored.

    Yesterday, I got a wanna fuck email, it's been a long time since someone sent just "wanna fuck". I kept repeated what he said, but fixed his spelling and grammar. He ended up blocking me in the end, but it cracked me the hell up.

    On the blogs, I try to ignore or go to humor, but I've been known to handle things in other ways. I suppose it depends on where my mind is at that moment.
Wow.... You're the playful type.
Sounds like you can amuse yourself with anyone who crosses you.
Humor and ignoring are the best way to go, right?
But about those other ways? 🤔


Paulxx001 63M
16474 posts
8/10/2020 5:24 pm

    Quoting  :

Toe to toe can be fun, if you're in that type of mood. Sounds like you've got the gift of the jab? 🤔


Paulxx001 63M
16474 posts
8/10/2020 5:28 pm

    Quoting redmustang91:
    I do not go on chat rooms as this world has enough chaos already. On my blogs I just delete and block the dumb asses.
Chaos? That's so true. Those rooms are scary... lol 😂
Delete and block, sounds like a plan. I tend to let them vent... up to a point.
Once they're done, they rarely come back.


Paulxx001 63M
16474 posts
8/10/2020 5:29 pm

    Quoting Tmptrzz:
    Great advice especially for this site, but I have my own ways of dealing with people like that. I hope you enjoy your evening..
You have other ways? 🤔
Sounds ominous. Anything you can share?


Paulxx001 63M
16474 posts
8/10/2020 5:33 pm

    Quoting GhostofH:
    I think your last meme says it all. I too try to either humour them with sarcasm or simply ignore them all together.
I usually try humour.
Then again I have this temper, that plops up once in a while. 😶
I'm learning.
Yep, I noticed that you're pretty patient. You're right, that même says it all.


Paulxx001 63M
16474 posts
8/10/2020 5:38 pm

    Quoting lighthousecollec:
    I wish I would have read this yesterday. My daughter and I had a falling out and of course I cussed out from her and naturally I started flaring back and when her husband started cussing me I just hung up. Thanks for this my friend. I think I will copy and put it on my phone to help me the next time
Ooo... That's not good. I hope this info can help you in the future! 👍 😊
You can still repair things, right?


Paulxx001 63M
16474 posts
8/10/2020 5:40 pm

    Quoting mc_justmc:
    insults? moi? everybody loves me
Ya know?
I think you're right about that. How dja slip through the cracks? lol 😂
Yep... I gotta follow your example.
Any tips? 🤔


Paulxx001 63M
16474 posts
8/10/2020 5:44 pm

    Quoting redrockrascal:
    The way I see it almost no one here knows me. So any "insult" they spout comes via their ignorance. Their ignorance is their problem and not worth my response.
It's true that nobody knows you, except what you've shared with them. They might THINK, they know you.
I imagine you have a ton of patience.
I usually manage to smile, but I've got this quick temper thing happening.
I'm working on it, but your point is a good one.
So, you've never blown a gasket here?
As a car guy... have you ever blown a gasket after blowing a gasket?


superbjversion2 65F
20744 posts
8/10/2020 7:07 pm

You chastise? 🤔 Hmmm... I usually see your humour. I don't think I've ever seen you blow a gasket.

You won't see me blow a gasket because you don't send me insulting emails. Plus, I don't actually "blow a gasket"....I remove the gasket carefully and then whup 'em upside the head with it (metaphorically speaking)

Sex is to Fun as Square is to Rectangle


redrockrascal 62M
21508 posts
8/10/2020 7:51 pm

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    It's true that nobody knows you, except what you've shared with them. They might THINK, they know you.
    I imagine you have a ton of patience.
    I usually manage to smile, but I've got this quick temper thing happening.
    I'm working on it, but your point is a good one.
    So, you've never blown a gasket here?
    As a car guy... have you ever blown a gasket after blowing a gasket?
I used to have a short fuse and little patience. Neither have much value - but maybe occasionally. The people who try to try my patience aren't worth being around. I've seen really - stupid, ignorant, dishonest, etc - stuff here but the people involved were not worth me compromising myself and what I'm looking for here.

I raced a Fiat 850 at one point. They can be really hot running little peckers. Much of the engine prep was about keeping it cool and together. When it did blow a gasket it usually warped the cylinder head too - $$$$$$$$

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


sexyldy1000 59F  
6835 posts
8/10/2020 7:53 pm

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. I realize it has everything to do with them and nothing "to." do with me. Someone whose opinion I don't respect, can't hurt me with words they are flinging from their own insecurities so I choose to ignore them.
No One Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


Paulxx001 63M
16474 posts
8/10/2020 11:48 pm

    Quoting superbjversion2:
    You chastise? 🤔 Hmmm... I usually see your humour. I don't think I've ever seen you blow a gasket.

    You won't see me blow a gasket because you don't send me insulting emails. Plus, I don't actually "blow a gasket"....I remove the gasket carefully and then whup 'em upside the head with it (metaphorically speaking)
Ahhh, emails... duly noted. Sounds to me like you have a handle on that 'smacking' thing. 😊👍
I'd say more, but I'm already tingling. 😶


Paulxx001 63M
16474 posts
8/10/2020 11:54 pm

    Quoting redrockrascal:
    I used to have a short fuse and little patience. Neither have much value - but maybe occasionally. The people who try to try my patience aren't worth being around. I've seen really - stupid, ignorant, dishonest, etc - stuff here but the people involved were not worth me compromising myself and what I'm looking for here.

    I raced a Fiat 850 at one point. They can be really hot running little peckers. Much of the engine prep was about keeping it cool and together. When it did blow a gasket it usually warped the cylinder head too - $$$$$$$$
I can't say I've been around long enough see all of that, but I can imagine.

Ahh, the warped cylinder head. The Volkswagen Jetta spewing black smoke was a clue for me. Iron block and aluminum heads never mixed well. 👍


Paulxx001 63M
16474 posts
8/11/2020 12:03 am

    Quoting sexyldy1000:
    No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. I realize it has everything to do with them and nothing "to." do with me. Someone whose opinion I don't respect, can't hurt me with words they are flinging from their own insecurities so I choose to ignore them.
    No One Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent
Smart choice and a wise reaction.
I re-visited your post.
Interesting perspective on the topic, but many people still listen and react to their haters.
But that's in the realm of bullying and real abuse.
In my example, I'm talking more about random insults, or is there a a difference? 🤔


PonyGirl1965 54F
11609 posts
8/11/2020 12:07 am

Drama queens are such a drag. I laugh at them


smartasswoman 62F  
33417 posts
8/11/2020 2:53 am

Hm, it's pretty rare that anyone tries to take me on here, especially now that I'm not trying to meet anyone anymore. It's been rare on "traditional" dating sites as well.

There have been a few cases of guys "negging"me to try to get my attention. I detest that strategy and will not engage.


anastasia666 42F  
2093 posts
8/11/2020 4:00 am

Dear Paul,

Thank you for sharing this insightful blog post...A very good read indeed. I am so glad I found your blog.

I'd love to hear how our members here deal with this..As more folks " hide " behind their monitor to attack or create endless fake member profiles to abuse the site & members it is getting difficult to figure out what is the right or wrong way to handle abusive members..

Looking forward to hearing how Temptz " handles " this as opposed to the ideas you suggested.

Happy Tues,

Ana6

I done made the devil a deal
He made me pretty
He made me smart


Paulxx001 63M
16474 posts
8/11/2020 6:27 am

    Quoting PonyGirl1965:
    Drama queens are such a drag. I laugh at them
Good for you! 👍
That's a great strategy. I get the impression, no one messes with you.... here, or in the real world? 🤔


Paulxx001 63M
16474 posts
8/11/2020 6:29 am

    Quoting smartasswoman:
    Hm, it's pretty rare that anyone tries to take me on here, especially now that I'm not trying to meet anyone anymore. It's been rare on "traditional" dating sites as well.

    There have been a few cases of guys "negging"me to try to get my attention. I detest that strategy and will not engage.
Anyone who crushes nuts 🤪 as a hobby, is not someone I want to mess with. 🍷🍷😎


sexyldy1000 59F  
6835 posts
8/11/2020 6:56 am

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    Smart choice and a wise reaction.
    I re-visited your post.
    Interesting perspective on the topic, but many people still listen and react to their haters.
    But that's in the realm of bullying and real abuse.
    In my example, I'm talking more about random insults, or is there a a difference? 🤔
I don't see the difference. Both scenarios are a form of bullying and abuse. It's not too often someone hurls a '"random insult". It's usually predicated on some previous interaction or communication. If it was totally random, it would be cause for more alarm.

Stimulate my mind and let's see what happens
Today Is World Suicide Prevention Day


EnigmaInitiative 52F  
3984 posts
8/11/2020 8:22 am

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    Wow.... You're the playful type.
    Sounds like you can amuse yourself with anyone who crosses you.
    Humor and ignoring are the best way to go, right?
    But about those other ways? 🤔
I can be very playful, but as I said...it often depends on my mood. Sometimes, I don't handle it as well as others because I'm human with flaws.

In a sense, sexuality is the built-in psychedelic experience that only a very few people manage to evade.

~Terence McKenna


Paulxx001 63M
16474 posts
8/11/2020 9:10 am

    Quoting anastasia666:
    Dear Paul,

    Thank you for sharing this insightful blog post...A very good read indeed. I am so glad I found your blog.

    I'd love to hear how our members here deal with this..As more folks " hide " behind their monitor to attack or create endless fake member profiles to abuse the site & members it is getting difficult to figure out what is the right or wrong way to handle abusive members..

    Looking forward to hearing how Temptz " handles " this as opposed to the ideas you suggested.

    Happy Tues,

    Ana6
Seems like everyone has their own way of dealing with stuff like that.
My preference? 🤔 To not even have to be a part of it. 😊❗


Paulxx001 63M
16474 posts
8/11/2020 9:15 am

    Quoting sexyldy1000:
    I don't see the difference. Both scenarios are a form of bullying and abuse. It's not too often someone hurls a '"random insult". It's usually predicated on some previous interaction or communication. If it was totally random, it would be cause for more alarm.
Totally random is easy to ignore.
It's that premeditated (let's wait two years) one that gets under my skin.
But I understand what you mean.


Paulxx001 63M
16474 posts
8/11/2020 9:17 am

    Quoting EnigmaInitiative:
    I can be very playful, but as I said...it often depends on my mood. Sometimes, I don't handle it as well as others because I'm human with flaws.
Flaws? 🤔 Tell me about it.
I have a short fuse when it comes to dealing with idiots.


Tmptrzz 57F
85282 posts
8/12/2020 9:48 am

    Quoting anastasia666:
    Dear Paul,

    Thank you for sharing this insightful blog post...A very good read indeed. I am so glad I found your blog.

    I'd love to hear how our members here deal with this..As more folks " hide " behind their monitor to attack or create endless fake member profiles to abuse the site & members it is getting difficult to figure out what is the right or wrong way to handle abusive members..

    Looking forward to hearing how Temptz " handles " this as opposed to the ideas you suggested.

    Happy Tues,

    Ana6
Ana, you know hun all Paul's ideas are great and that's how most should be handled. But then there are ones that need some special attention to get your point across. And I am sure you know what I am talking about.

There is a time to be nice and then there is time to be a "nice bitch"...

Just your average every day run of the mill nana here!!!


Paulxx001 63M
16474 posts
8/12/2020 11:47 am

    Quoting PonyGirl1965:
    Drama queens are such a drag. I laugh at them
Have you ever seen a play? Of course you have
This is just another

Andy that's ok right? 😮


PlymWidow19 57M
27 posts
8/12/2020 8:35 pm

Words of pure wisdom, much to be said of psychology. Personally, I dont do mind games, they might end up causing as much bother to me as the other person... and in the long run it is not worth it, all relationships even NSA or FWB have to have a foundation of trust and mutual respect, without that what are we?
PlymWidow19

PlymWidow19


Paulxx001 63M
16474 posts
8/13/2020 5:47 am

    Quoting PlymWidow19:
    Words of pure wisdom, much to be said of psychology. Personally, I dont do mind games, they might end up causing as much bother to me as the other person... and in the long run it is not worth it, all relationships even NSA or FWB have to have a foundation of trust and mutual respect, without that what are we?
    PlymWidow19
True... about mind games but they have their place.
I certainly do it infrequently with people I know and respect.


rick315875 62M
10735 posts
8/13/2020 11:10 am

I have two main strategies as far as insults and name-calling. As you have mentioned. Humor and keeping oneself above. Not lowering yourself to their level. I just tell them I have no interest in being like you.


Paulxx001 63M
16474 posts
8/13/2020 5:54 pm

    Quoting rick315875:
    I have two main strategies as far as insults and name-calling. As you have mentioned. Humor and keeping oneself above. Not lowering yourself to their level. I just tell them I have no interest in being like you.
Good strategies, both of them and worthy allies! 👍
I've got a quick temper and THAT one wrangles my good-intentioned purpose... sometimes. I'll count to ten next time and see if that calms the boiling blood. 🤔


author51 57F  
100451 posts
8/14/2020 11:41 am

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    Well, I have a tendency to use a sprinkling of all of the methods suggested. My favourites are humor and to just ignore the remarks.
    But with my temper, I also have been known to lash out.😎❗

    Hmmm… Where was this article last week?🤔
with my own temper I too have been known to lash out unfortunately but I keep reminding myself online and the internet is not the real world.In my real world there are no insults, no lashing out because they are the ones who matter in our lives and we matter in theirs..

One can never have enough JOY in their life...


Paulxx001 63M
16474 posts
8/14/2020 5:04 pm

    Quoting author51:
    with my own temper I too have been known to lash out unfortunately but I keep reminding myself online and the internet is not the real world.In my real world there are no insults, no lashing out because they are the ones who matter in our lives and we matter in theirs..
Yep. True about that temper thing.
We've got to watch it! 👍


anastasia666 42F  
2093 posts
8/15/2020 3:48 am

    Quoting Tmptrzz:
    Ana, you know hun all Paul's ideas are great and that's how most should be handled. But then there are ones that need some special attention to get your point across. And I am sure you know what I am talking about.

    There is a time to be nice and then there is time to be a "nice bitch"...
Dear Tmptrzz,

Hello & Happy Weekend Hugs, Hon..Hope you & your family are all doing well & safe/Healthy..I agree with you 100 % , since I discovered Paul's blog I have been enjoying his witty posts/ideas. I see exactly what you are saying about a TIME to be nice or to be " nIce bitch." Funny thing is I am known as the Little Princess, the Cupcake..Super Sweet...Bitchy is normally not in my Repertoire but as an actor, I can always summon it when needed

Forgive me my Friend as I just realized I have been incorrectly called you " Temptz " instead of Tmptrzz...Call it short for Tempting Temptress...

Happy Weekend Hugs & Thanks for the interesting answer,

Ana6

I done made the devil a deal
He made me pretty
He made me smart


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