One Night Stands  

EnigmaInitiative 53F  
3108 posts
1/13/2022 5:59 am
One Night Stands



In CarpeJamie's post ODE to the ONE who got away, he wrote an erotic story about a one-night stand he had, lamenting that he never saw her again. I suggest you read it, it's quite good. He asked a few questions regarding one-night stands, in general. I being the promiscuous little minx that I have been in the past, answered.

In answering, I was frank and didn't expound beyond the questions. Often, I don't know if people want me to go into detail about myself when it's their post. And, then, I get up in my head about it and overthink it to death. Ya know as one does. Regardless, his post inspired this one.

I have had many, many, many one-night stands over the years. Pre-internet, in my thirties, I went to the bar every single Friday and Saturday night and picked up at least one guy per weekend. Shit, I met my third husband this way, but that's another whole story in and of itself.

That's not to mention the countless one-night stands I have had as a direct result of this website. No, seriously, in its heyday, this site was THE place to get laid. Shit, all I had to do is sign in, get on instant messenger, and three hours later be meeting some guy, woman, or couple somewhere to see if we were a fit.

Look, I'm not saying I was safe with my person, nor is it anything I would do today. But, I did it, I accept that I did it, and I'm neither proud nor ashamed. It's just facts. I was once diagnosed with a “sex addiction” by a real ass psychiatrist.

Here's the thing, though, I wasn't fucking around because I had a sex addiction. I was sexing up people because I had a self-esteem issue. I neither liked nor loved myself. I felt a deep, soul-crushing hole in my heart that caused me to reach out to strangers in an attempt to fill the chasm. Of course, I should have sought that from friends and family, but I didn't.

My life, well, shit, everyone's life is complicated and unique. But, I come from a place where my parents passed before I was 21. When they were alive, we moved every three years without fail. I have one sibling who stole an entire insurance benefit and another still heavily involved in hard drugs. I married at 18 to a military man and left everyone and everything I knew to move away to Tennessee, then to Alaska, onto Arizona, and finally, Texas where we divorced when I was 28 after a long separation.

Being a military wife who moved four times in ten years, I didn't make a lot of close friends that I kept in contact with. Just imagine, every time you get close to someone, your spouse gets orders and you have to move all over again and make new friends. And, I just wasn't all that close to my family, go figure.

Whether or not it's easy for people to believe, I'm quite shy. I'm what I call a super introvert. I feel much better being alone than I do in a group of people. People drain me. BUUUUUUUT, when I drink, I become a lot more social. And, I drank a lot in my thirties at these bars to have the courage to talk to the men. (Weird, cuz nowadays I can barely stand the taste of alcohol.)

The internet made it easier to meet people, and I stopped drinking. But, that doesn't mean the one-night stands ended. No, see, the hole in my heart remained, the part of me that was missing, it didn't magically fill up. So, I fucked a lot of people from this website.

CarpeJamie was curious about how it was easy for me to walk away from people, not wondering “what if”. I mean, if my history doesn't answer that question for you, I'll spell it out: I've been trained since childhood to leave or be left. What if is a concept I left behind long ago, what if doesn't solve anything nor answer any question. Because I won't ever know...period. It's impossible to know, so why bother my already ADD addled brain.

I don't ever remember having what I'd classify as good sex with someone I only knew on a surface level. And, trust, I've had good sex. Mind blowing, amazing, magical, psychedelic, sheet-drenching, erotic, dirty talking sex. Sex I couldn't imagine existing when I was fucking strangers.

Look, my first husband was a virgin when I met him. I was his first, I deflowered that man and taught him the best I could with my limited 18 yr old knowledge. But, the sex wasn't what I'd call amazing. He was the best lover out of the three, though.

That's not to say I didn't have boyfriends, girlfriends, fiances, and the like along the way. Don't get me wrong, my whole life wasn't three marriages and a bunch of one-night stands. I've had varying degrees of relationships with a variety of people. Though, to be clear, this time we're living in now? This is one of the longest I've gone without having sex with another person.

Truth be told, it wasn't until I entered therapy that I got to the root of my issues. Trying to fit my square peg self into the round hole society and my extended family wanted me in didn't help me overcome my self-esteem troubles. It wasn't until I learned to accept myself for who I am that I finally stopped trying to fill that hole in the arms of strangers.

(This is not to say that everyone who has one-night stands has self-esteem issues. I don't know the minds of others, just mine. I can't even say if others are having mind-blowing sex with strangers, I suppose it is possible. This whole post is purely relating to my personal experience only.)

Today, the Debbi that exists in 2022? I'm only interested in fucking those with whom I have a connection, chemistry, good communication, and shared relationship goals. The sex is infinitely better, and there's so much more to talk about during the downtimes. Ya know?

And kink...they gotta be kinky. Cuz, damn, people, life's too short to only do things one way

Have you had a one night stand?

Did you enjoy?

Reposted in first comment cuz glitch gremlins

This week's HNW: Pink/Hearts (Or Chocolate) is available on the other side.


EnigmaInitiative 53F  
6054 posts
1/13/2022 5:59 am

In CarpeJamie's post ODE to the ONE who got away, he wrote an erotic story about a one-night stand he had, lamenting that he never saw her again. I suggest you read it, it's quite good. He asked a few questions regarding one-night stands, in general. I being the promiscuous little minx that I have been in the past, answered.

In answering, I was frank and didn't expound beyond the questions. Often, I don't know if people want me to go into detail about myself when it's their post. And, then, I get up in my head about it and overthink it to death. Ya know as one does. Regardless, his post inspired this one.

I have had many, many, many one-night stands over the years. Pre-internet, in my thirties, I went to the bar every single Friday and Saturday night and picked up at least one guy per weekend. Shit, I met my third husband this way, but that's another whole story in and of itself.

That's not to mention the countless one-night stands I have had as a direct result of this website. No, seriously, in its heyday, this site was THE place to get laid. Shit, all I had to do is sign in, get on instant messenger, and three hours later be meeting some guy, woman, or couple somewhere to see if we were a fit.

Look, I'm not saying I was safe with my person, nor is it anything I would do today. But, I did it, I accept that I did it, and I'm neither proud nor ashamed. It's just facts. I was once diagnosed with a “sex addiction” by a real ass psychiatrist.

Here's the thing, though, I wasn't fucking around because I had a sex addiction. I was sexing up people because I had a self-esteem issue. I neither liked nor loved myself. I felt a deep, soul-crushing hole in my heart that caused me to reach out to strangers in an attempt to fill the chasm. Of course, I should have sought that from friends and family, but I didn't.

My life, well, shit, everyone's life is complicated and unique. But, I come from a place where my parents passed before I was 21. When they were alive, we moved every three years without fail. I have one sibling who stole an entire insurance benefit and another still heavily involved in hard drugs. I married at 18 to a military man and left everyone and everything I knew to move away to Tennessee, then to Alaska, onto Arizona, and finally, Texas where we divorced when I was 28 after a long separation.

Being a military wife who moved four times in ten years, I didn't make a lot of close friends that I kept in contact with. Just imagine, every time you get close to someone, your spouse gets orders and you have to move all over again and make new friends. And, I just wasn't all that close to my family, go figure.

Whether or not it's easy for people to believe, I'm quite shy. I'm what I call a super introvert. I feel much better being alone than I do in a group of people. People drain me. BUUUUUUUT, when I drink, I become a lot more social. And, I drank a lot in my thirties at these bars to have the courage to talk to the men. (Weird, cuz nowadays I can barely stand the taste of alcohol.)

The internet made it easier to meet people, and I stopped drinking. But, that doesn't mean the one-night stands ended. No, see, the hole in my heart remained, the part of me that was missing, it didn't magically fill up. So, I fucked a lot of people from this website.

CarpeJamie was curious about how it was easy for me to walk away from people, not wondering “what if”. I mean, if my history doesn't answer that question for you, I'll spell it out: I've been trained since childhood to leave or be left. What if is a concept I left behind long ago, what if doesn't solve anything nor answer any question. Because I won't ever know...period. It's impossible to know, so why bother my already ADD addled brain.

I don't ever remember having what I'd classify as good sex with someone I only knew on a surface level. And, trust, I've had good sex. Mind blowing, amazing, magical, psychedelic, sheet-drenching, erotic, dirty talking sex. Sex I couldn't imagine existing when I was fucking strangers.

Look, my first husband was a virgin when I met him. I was his first, I deflowered that man and taught him the best I could with my limited 18 yr old knowledge. But, the sex wasn't what I'd call amazing. He was the best lover out of the three, though.

That's not to say I didn't have boyfriends, girlfriends, fiances, and the like along the way. Don't get me wrong, my whole life wasn't three marriages and a bunch of one-night stands. I've had varying degrees of relationships with a variety of people. Though, to be clear, this time we're living in now? This is one of the longest I've gone without having sex with another person.

Truth be told, it wasn't until I entered therapy that I got to the root of my issues. Trying to fit my square peg self into the round hole society and my extended family wanted me in didn't help me overcome my self-esteem troubles. It wasn't until I learned to accept myself for who I am that I finally stopped trying to fill that hole in the arms of strangers.

(This is not to say that everyone who has one-night stands has self-esteem issues. I don't know the minds of others, just mine. I can't even say if others are having mind-blowing sex with strangers, I suppose it is possible. This whole post is purely relating to my personal experience only.)

Today, the Debbi that exists in 2022? I'm only interested in fucking those with whom I have a connection, chemistry, good communication, and shared relationship goals. The sex is infinitely better, and there's so much more to talk about during the downtimes. Ya know?

And kink...they gotta be kinky. Cuz, damn, people, life's too short to only do things one way

Have you had One Night Stands?

Did you enjoy?

This week's HNW: Pink/Hearts (Or Chocolate) is available on the other side.


Alannah_cd 64T  
195 posts
1/13/2022 6:18 am

Very good. had so many one night stands myself i have lost count...for me it's the thrill of new adventure...to each their own. and YES, add in the kink...life is too short not to explore!!!
xoxoxoxoxo


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 6:51 am:
I'm glad you enjoyed yourself!

pal334 67M  
45821 posts
1/13/2022 6:50 am

I have, a bit unusual, but we did enjoy it

Please cum visit my blog,,,,,,,,,,,,pal334



EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 6:52 am:
If you both enjoyed yourself, that's what matters.

Blueyedguy823 55M  
1077 posts
1/13/2022 6:58 am

My 20's were a blur. I worked in dance clubs and my job was the focus of attention. I was a serial one-night-stander. I met my first wife there and the one-nighters stopped. The marriage didn't last long, but while separated in my 30's, I knew what I was looking for in the next woman. And there were no (or not as many) one-nighters. I don't know if it was maturity, more self confidence, or less exposure that made one-night stands less desirable. I don't dig too deep into that.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 6:53 am:
Your 20s sound like my thirties. I wish I could say I cemented what I wanted after, but hey, we're all on this rock trying to figure things out in our own ways.

SomewhereSE 64M
336 posts
1/13/2022 7:05 am

As a general rule I’d rather jerk off than bother with a one nighter, since I prefer to use my time and energy for more useful, meaningful, worthwhile things and accomplishments in life than the pursuit of getting laid. Those things in turn attract plenty of women worth more of an investment than a disposable one nighter.

My former brother in law was a good looking narcissistic young man with zero self esteem. He had no life, no interests, hobbies or life accomplishments of any kind other than chasing women and having a revolving door to his bedroom, and that’s why he had no self esteem. He eventually worked on himself and changed that, by getting an education and a professional IT job rather than just being a low level retail store worker in a shopping mall. All he really needed was someone to point out what he was naturally good at and point him in a meaningful direction, that is what many men never get in life.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 6:53 am:
I'm glad to hear you were able to help him get his life together and thanks for responding.

WyoCowboy7751 68M  
2537 posts
1/13/2022 7:10 am

Only once did I encounter a one night that turned into a two night !!! Her parents were on vacation , And the answer to the possible question ; YES, We did IT three more times during the course of the day and again the second night !!! She was my girlfriend and later became my wife !!! BUT, I was much younger back then !!!🤠


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 6:54 am:
Is it a one night stand if it continues into more? Interesting, because then, I had a lot more one night stands than I thought.

I suspect you and I are defining it differently, and that's okay.

dwz5234 69M  
2404 posts
1/13/2022 7:44 am

So very glad to hear you found yourself,as for myself I also was a barfly in my 20's n 30's 2 marriages alot of 1 niters i can relate to your story .Not sure my story was self-esteem .It was the male in me that just wanted to screw anything that walked Thanks 4 sharing yourself....... Don


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 6:55 am:
Thanks for sharing your experiences, I appreciate it.

hotdreamer1000 62M  
12409 posts
1/13/2022 8:00 am

Fascinating post Enigma, and my admiration for sharing, and expressing so clearly, what has gone on in your head during your life. I sympathise with regard to your early struggles of course, but I can probably never really understand self-esteem issues because, as I have been told, I was very lucky with good stable parenting, and seem to have a clear idea of who I am. That doesn't mean I don't doubt myself - I always do, lol, but deep down, I am okay with myself.

I have had one night stands. They weren't the best sex, but I didn't hate them either. Maybe they are memorable simply because I haven't had that many! But definitely the best sex has been when there has been some kind of mental understanding. Having said that, one of the least pleasurable sexual encounters I can remember was a one nighter with a woman who was a close friend at the time. We really cared about each other, and we both seemed to be feeling turned on by each other on that occasion, but it just didn't work. So as always, I think the chemistry and mental connection required for good sex is complex and hard to define.......


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 6:56 am:
Thank you for your kind words, I do appreciate it dreamer.

Also, I appreciate you sharing your experiences. Like you, I think that chemistry/connection can be very elusive.

hotdreamer1000 62M  
12409 posts
1/13/2022 8:01 am

Oh, and by the way, if you feel moved to go into detail about yourself over on one of my posts, go right ahead!


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 6:57 am:
Thank you for letting me know, I'll keep it in mind.

author51 59F  
130010 posts
1/13/2022 8:22 am

I am glad you pimped out Jamies post as he is a wonderful writer and had brought back a memory I could relate to big time. It was the same scene for me except I had the tent and my one night stand had a trailer. I snuck out as well like the woman in his story before anyone else woke up.. I told Jamie I was going to find the post I wrote about it for today's Throwback Thursday but my vault is too large here as it happened at least 3 summers ago..

I am not one for one night stands as I need to know them first and have that inherent chemistry. It makes for absolutely amazing sex.. Having said that, to each their own with this issue and our sexual tendencies, along with our own pasts that may lead one down the path they alone choose in life..

Everything happens in my book for a reason and one reason is it takes us to who and where we are now in life my friend.. Great post.You share from the heart my friend....Why I like you so much..xoxo


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 6:58 am:
He is a good writer, I enjoy reading what he comes up with.

Ya, your backlog is massive, I can't imagine trying to find one post out of that many.

Sharing from the heart is one of the things I do best, makes for a horrible capitalist though. LOL

Thanks Joy

author51 59F  
130010 posts
1/13/2022 8:25 am

    Quoting author51:
    I am glad you pimped out Jamies post as he is a wonderful writer and had brought back a memory I could relate to big time. It was the same scene for me except I had the tent and my one night stand had a trailer. I snuck out as well like the woman in his story before anyone else woke up.. I told Jamie I was going to find the post I wrote about it for today's Throwback Thursday but my vault is too large here as it happened at least 3 summers ago..

    I am not one for one night stands as I need to know them first and have that inherent chemistry. It makes for absolutely amazing sex.. Having said that, to each their own with this issue and our sexual tendencies, along with our own pasts that may lead one down the path they alone choose in life..

    Everything happens in my book for a reason and one reason is it takes us to who and where we are now in life my friend.. Great post.You share from the heart my friend....Why I like you so much..xoxo
I am lucky also that Jamie is local to me and we will be meeting face to face to swap stories when everything here opens back up again...


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 6:58 am:
Oh, you are lucky

spunkycumfun 61M/67F  
41166 posts
1/13/2022 8:34 am

Thanks for sharing this.
I've had a number of one night-stands; some were intended that way and some not. From my experience, I can say that one night stand-sex rarely beats the sex of a more steadier relationship, including a two night- or three night-stands!
Sex generally gets better as you get to know someone.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 6:59 am:
Thanks for reading it.

I feel the same, sex gets better the more you know someone.

CleavageFan4U 65M  
69374 posts
1/13/2022 8:47 am

Have you had a one night stand? - Sheez, more than I can count! Don't ever let anyone tell you a traveling businessWOMAN isn't every bit as much a horn-dog as a traveling businessMAN. And they're doing it for the same reason - because they can!

Did you enjoy? - YES, not much as exciting as getting nekkid with someone new.

My life story is about as totally opposite of yours as it can be. So totally stable - and BORING. I guess that is why I am a total man-whore - putting some excitement into an otherwise boring life. As I am always telling S, "I'm totally boring and strait-laced, well except for sexually."

Winter Attire Climate Change Edition, on HNW
Premature Perhaps, but
I ALWAYS Miss Out on this Stuff
[post 3312759] My Private Post - Tell Me ALL Your Secrets – Anything you write here is just between us


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 7:00 am:
I will admit that the first time being with someone new is exciting, but it can't beat knowing someone's body well in my book.

Thanks for sharing your experiences, I appreciate it.

chrissy20073 63T
315 posts
1/13/2022 8:52 am

have had some one night stands they were good but think having a steady partner is much better self-esteem probably a big issue with me as i come from a broken and screwed up family


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 7:00 am:
Thanks for sharing your experience, I know it can be difficult to overcome self esteem issues. I hope things are better for you now.

sensualmaninmn 60M  
519 posts
1/13/2022 8:52 am

I have had one night stands, yes. However, in the majority of those instances, it was not my intent for it to be a one-time thing. Sex for me now is a bonding experience, and if get get to be intimate, I want to cum in my partner over and over again.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 7:01 am:
I'm sorry yours were unintentional, it sucks when that happens.

Thanks for sharing your experiences

Makeitbig13 70M  
41 posts
1/13/2022 9:20 am

One night stands I have had plenty. Some have led to more times together but most were just to get the sex I desired. This may have come from being used for some ones sexual gratification at a very young age I don't know. Now however I know why I still do one nighters. I have a wife I love and will always take care of but she does not have any sexual desire. Oh I get a bj now and then but nothing near what I need. So I search for some sexual release and not wanting to get into an affair I just stick with the random sexual partner. I have found a few that I return to several times but that only goes so far. I like it new and exciting, trying new things exploring my own desires. I have been pleased with learning more about myself. I like thought, "when shedding your clothes for pleasurer shed your inhibitions as well.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 7:02 am:
If I may ask, have you ever thought of having a conversation with her about opening up your marriage?

I'm polyamorous today, and it's done wonders for me personally.

countryqueen1 72F

1/13/2022 9:29 am

I've never had a one night stand, I need to feel more than just sexual energy from someone I want to sleep with and you don't get that with a one night stand. Attraction is important but being able to carry on a conversation is as well.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 7:02 am:
I understand and thanks for sharing your experience with me.

staci_19702 51T  
3767 posts
1/13/2022 10:19 am

This is interesting.
Yes, I’ve had one night stands. My late teens and early 20’s were a fast paced rodeo ride. And going out meant you were ready to f*ck or fight. Either one was acceptable for entertainment. Then Occasionally you meet one and think, “hey, I like her”. Then she’s never to be seen again. So, more often than not women were out for the one night stand too, or I was not a viable mate. 😜 I figure being at the bar swilling beer all night could contribute to poor performance.
Glad you got your stuff together.

Have a great day! 💋
Staci


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 7:04 am:
Thanks Staci, I appreciate you sharing that with me. I can tell you from experience that most men that I've been with who sipped beer all night had some of the poorest sexual performances of them all.

Whiskey dick was often the worst, though

SilverFoxMark66 67M  
286 posts
1/13/2022 10:56 am

Yes, like many here I've also had a few 1 night stands, some very good, others so so & yes the best sex has always been with longer term lovers, enjoying exploring sensual adventures together, outside in public, cars etc, good post & thanks for sharing so honestly, buig warm horny hgs from London UK, Mark x


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 7:05 am:
Thank you for your compliment, and for sharing your experience with me Mark.

Paulxx001 65M  
22616 posts
1/13/2022 10:59 am

When we were young-err , the band-mates and I would set up these silly games and bets and stuff. 🎴 🎲 🃏

Luck fell into the lap of those of us who were less shy. Our lead singer seemed to be on a hit list. And WHO didn't, wanna fuck the drummer? FFS. 🙄

Here, in THIS metropolis it's eeZee to fund that urge.

Nah... it's nothing that I ever clung to. We ALL outgrew that stuff. But back then, we walked around those gigs as if we knew her secret. And we did. I still do, when I look into a woman's eyes.

She rarely delivered what she'd promised... with that smile. 😎❗❗

but it was fun


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 7:06 am:
Well, I'm glad you enjoyed yourself Paul, and thanks for sharing your experience with me.

CarpeJamie 52M  
289 posts
1/13/2022 11:00 am

Thank you so much for giving me a shout out! But more importantly, thank you for giving me some insight into you and your experience. I also enjoyed reading others comments to your blog to get a sense of what other people are thinking on the subject. Life is a journey where we enter a different places along the journey, or on different journeys all together. It was interesting to note that you felt you were "nurtured" into having one night stands. I have always been open to one night stands; but either I'm hardwired or nurtured differently that they have essentially evaded me. Apparently I crave connection and I have been influenced by society to feel badly to use someone for my own gratification (not suggesting that's what you've done ... but that is my rationale for me shying away from a one night stand, rightly or wrongly). And of course for consensual one-night sex, both parties are deciding to gratify themselves and or each other for that night. I am optimistic that you can have a very satisfying and maybe even mind blowing sex on a one-time basis -- because I do believe that there is a possibility that two people can connect emotionally, spiritually and physically even in knowing each other for a short time---it just deepens in a relationship.

Recently, I've been constantly reflecting on what beliefs I hold and why I have adopted them because I try not to judge others for their choices (unless utterly horrific or destructive) and I consider how I might make those same choices. I'm starting to do as you describe ... writing too much (although I'm fine with people doing that in my blog comments).

So thanks for your open and honest blog post. It was a refreshing read. Good luck on your pursuit on establishing a connection and having "Mind blowing, amazing, magical, psychedelic, sheet-drenching, erotic, dirty talking sex." We should all be so lucky to achieve that!

If you wish to contact me, I've setup a private Mailbox Private message Area WHAT39S IN THE VAULT STAYS IN THE VAULT in my Blog. CarpeJamie

Check out my Blog CarpeJamie


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 7:10 am:
Hi Jamie,

I'm glad you got to see this, and you're most welcome. You're a talented writer and I feel like more should be reading you.

I went into sexual relationships with no expectations beyond we were having sex. I think that's why it may have been easier for me. That's not to say those men I picked up at the bar didn't often turn into more, as what happened with my third husband.

I don't know if I was using them, they were using me, or if we were using each other. I didn't take offense to anything you said, though.

You're right, we're all here on this rock entering into different parts of the human experience at differing times. It is fascinating to see the differences between people, though.

It's good to question some of the things in our brains and how they got there, why they exist. But, sometimes it can give you a headache.

leefury7 71M

1/13/2022 11:10 am

Yes, a few but not by choice. I always wanted to continue the relationship regardless as to whether or not there was any sex involved. As I've said elsewhere, I have usually ended up caring for others who never seem all that interested in returning the favor.

I went to counseling after the wife and I separated for a bit. She required me to do it. But for me it is a lot like being hypnotized. You would never be able to hypnotize me the same way counseling would never change me. I was born with a brain that is highly analytical. It has aided me in many respects but sometimes I crave the *ignorance is bliss* consciousness. In those counseling sessions I ended up educating the counselor. My wife got quite mad when the counselor, for the most part, laid the burden of our issues at her feet. But I do not blame her. She was raised by her mother who as a *neither lender nor borrower be* woman who was always critical of everyone and everything. The brother-in-law is the same. I like him but I hate being around him because the world revolves around him and he details everything wrong with this person or that and to watch a movie with him (or my wife) everything is shredded. JRRT defined fantasy as the willful suspension of unbelief. Neither of them know how to enter into suspending their unbelief.

I have found that people who are very legalistic, very law abiding are like this. There is no coloring outside of the lines. If the state requires you get a vaccine, you are there standing in line, just another lemming criticizing everyone who chooses not to. Whereas I have always been one to look at rules or laws as guidelines for those who cannot think or care for themselves.

I like getting to know people. I do not like or have ever sought out a one night stand. I have met a fair share of women of whom I never saw but once but I can only recall a couple of whom I would place in the category of a one-night-stand.

And like you, I have been a sexual addict since the age of five. Unlike you, I have had but a few sexual encounters and extremely few sexual (intercourse) partners. In the Greek, the word for predestined was a word used for marking out a boundary around. If you own a home you have boundary stakes driven into the ground to mark off your property limits. My personal boundary often seemingly keeps people outside. Some call it fate. Whatever you wish to call it, my life has been one of always finding himself alone.

I am extremely fit for my age. Very often told I am handsome. Have a very easy demeanor and have little problem carrying a conversation without being the center of the conversation, if you get what I am saying. I make friends easily. I am no longer shy, talking to strangers without much effort. However, I cannot think of one person who makes any effort to stay in contact with me. I am the sort of person who buys everyone several Christmas presents and gets a pair of socks in return.

You were a military brat. I know about that life. . . from a distance. My aunt's husband was in the military till he just up and disappeared leaving wife and 4 kids to fend for themselves. My father simply took jobs far away, rented an apartment and came home to visit once, maybe twice a month. I have no clue as to why all four of us kids ended up being the way we are. My oldest brother and my younger sister all were sexual predators. And I could see they were that way because they just wanted to be wanted though neither of them would EVER admit to it. My youngest sister was spoiled by my parents, having two kids out of wedlock and often dumping them on my mother and doing like dad, finding work out of state.

Life is an interesting journey. I am an old school romantic where people have meeting and dignity even though they rare grant me the same favor. But it is what it is. Would I really want to go back and change anything in the past? Honestly, I do not think anything would change. And talking someone into not leaving you is a vain, empty thing. I only want people who want to stick around. Catch 22.

The sun is out and I have little to do. Sorry for the purging on your blog.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 7:16 am:
Thank you for sharing your experiences with me.

I'm sorry you had such a poor experience in counseling and your marriage.

While I have wonderful boundaries now, I didn't have many back then...not with my self esteem issues. I actually don't believe I felt like I deserved them. Today, that's very different.

I wasn't a military brat, but I can see how one may assume such with me talking about how often we moved in my childhood. I was a military wife.

Life is an interesting journey, agreed.

redrockrascal 63M  
23580 posts
1/13/2022 11:36 am

You mentioned a deep, soul-crushing hole in my heart. I can related been there.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 7:16 am:
Oh, I'm sorry, did I dredge up some stuff for you? So unintentional

citizen4722 64M  
74582 posts
1/13/2022 12:58 pm

I didn't lose my cherry until I was 22, so I was a late starter in that respect. I did have two or three one-night stands after (all before I reached 30).


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 7:17 am:
Thanks for sharing your experience citizen

mc_justmc 62M  
6929 posts
1/13/2022 2:47 pm

When I first joined this site in 2011 I had 18 different women in 12 months, most of them I had repeatedly. I had a "harem" of around 6 women and when I found someone new I dropped one. i averaged about 4 hours of sleep at night. I was enjoying it but by year 2 it had gone from orgies, 3 ways, couple swap, sex clubs, and a lot of 1 on 1 to being every couples spare toy. I got so tired of being the third wheel in MFM situations. Now, I haven't had sex with a woman since August 2013. For some reason, I don't really care. It all seems like too much of a hassle.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 7:18 am:
I feel you, though I can feel the inklings of my sex drive come back, I'm still not willing to put in the work to find a local partner.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

smartasswoman 64F  
35813 posts
1/13/2022 2:50 pm

Yeah, I've gone through phases of my life where there were a lot of them. Like someone else said, usually not by intention. I can gin up a sexual attraction to someone pretty quickly, so I think the situation was that I was jumping into bed with men who I'd be happy to see again, but THEIR intention was just to pick up a girl for the night.

In retrospect it would be interesting to see if things would have turned out differently had I not been so "easy". Although...at this point I'm not easy and the end result seems to be no sex at all. ;/


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 7:19 am:
See? I don't know that I went into them with the intention of things being one night only. More like I went in with no expectations at all.

Thanks for sharing your experiences, it was nice to see another woman on the thread. It was becoming a bit of a sausage fest, ya know?

LadiesR2B1rst 58M  
2735 posts
1/13/2022 4:53 pm

One-night stands were fun back when I was younger. I found that as I got around Thirty, I wanted more out of life. I've often wondered why some men will call a woman that has had multiple partners "sluts" but, when men do the same, they are "Heros"??


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 7:20 am:
Our society has all kinds of sexist things built into it and that's one of them.

Thanks for sharing your experience with me.

exsquid46 62M
640 posts
1/13/2022 11:09 pm

Ms Enigmalnitiative,

"1.Have you had One Night Stands?

2.Did you enjoy?"

1. I my youth I had a few one night stands, and sometimes they would turn into a little longer short term thing. Only one turned into a long term relationship.

2. I enjoyed every one night stand back then. I always made sure that the woman enjoyed herself also.

Back in the 80's one night stands were just part of the weekend plan. I don't think I could do that today. I want more than just a roll in bed, I want something that might last.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 7:20 am:
Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. I appreciate it.

PonyGirl1965 56F  
22090 posts
1/13/2022 11:35 pm

I had an accidental one night stand. I knew and loved the man. He got orders to change locations so our budding sexual relationship got nipped. The one time was very good! We had known each other a couple months, so we were ready and knew what the other desired.

I love your openness. If everyone could just be honest and open, life would be so much easier. (Spoken from the position of a miserable and abusive childhood)


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 7:21 am:
Most times, I don't believe I went in with the intention of it being a one night stand, more like I had no expectations beyond sex.

Thank you for sharing your experience with me.

Also, thanks for the compliment, I write from my heart and I'm glad that comes across on the page.

MyBaffies 52M  
4983 posts
1/14/2022 1:11 am

Nope, never had a one night stand. I think I'd rather get to know the person at least a little bit, understand what they like to make the experience better for both of us.

But that could be due to never being put in that situation. Perhaps if I did unexpectedly get propositioned by someone I'd jump at the chance without much in the way of thought. Sure I can understand the excitement of doing something unplanned with someone you are unlikely to ever see again, but I'm not convinced it is "me" - I'm just not that type of character.

Baffies

Link to my blog: MyBaffies


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 7:23 am:
Understand. I don't believe I ever went in with the intention that it's a one night stand, I just had no expectations beyond sex. If more developed....then I didn't classify it as a one night stand like what happened with my third husband.

Thanks for sharing your experiences with me.

redrockrascal 63M  
23580 posts
1/14/2022 10:09 am

EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 9:16 am:
Oh, I'm sorry, did I dredge up some stuff for you? So unintentional

No worries EI its just life

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/14/2022 10:21 am:
Life, she can be a bitch

Logan0867 54M
244 posts
1/14/2022 8:34 pm

I've had a couple one night stands. Fortunately one I thought would turn out that way has continued . Overall theyve left me flat...I really prefer connecting with a person I'm sharing that with xxoo


EnigmaInitiative 53F  
6054 posts
1/15/2022 9:52 am

    Quoting Logan0867:
    I've had a couple one night stands. Fortunately one I thought would turn out that way has continued . Overall theyve left me flat...I really prefer connecting with a person I'm sharing that with xxoo
For fourteen years Fucking difficult to believe isn't it babe?

I know you're big on the connection.

This week's HNW: Pink/Hearts (Or Chocolate) is available on the other side.


Logan0867 54M
244 posts
1/15/2022 6:20 pm

    Quoting EnigmaInitiative:
    For fourteen years Fucking difficult to believe isn't it babe?

    I know you're big on the connection.
Mindboggling sometimes xxoo


EnigmaInitiative 53F  
6054 posts
1/16/2022 5:52 am

    Quoting Logan0867:
    Mindboggling sometimes xxoo
It is for me too. xoxo

This week's HNW: Pink/Hearts (Or Chocolate) is available on the other side.


justme51 70M

1/16/2022 11:21 am

I was a first Sargent in a admin HQ company over seas in Panama Canal. I was lucky to have fucked almost every week with a different woman. My best fucks were the younger ones who had daddy issues.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/17/2022 5:53 am:
As long as they were of the age of maturity, I don't see a problem with it.

Midevil2006 43M
32 posts
1/26/2022 4:20 am

Nice thread...ty for posting. I can definitely relate.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 1/26/2022 3:21 pm:
Thanks

Hornymyk1234 48M
7 posts
1/29/2022 11:27 pm

443664 I know that's right


Jayinburlington 31M

2/5/2022 2:27 pm

i did and I really enjoyed it


EnigmaInitiative replies on 2/6/2022 7:30 am:
I'm happy for you

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