Hooct Un Foniks Wurct For Me
Just some random meanderings about life, love and the pursuit of happiness. A place where everything i do and say is right.

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Sitting in a Chat Room
Posted:Sep 21, 2017 4:41 am
Last Updated:Sep 19, 2018 9:16 pm

I used to love sitting in chat rooms at night.

So, i just discovered the chat rooms on another site and dopetydoed right into a random lobby room. Five minutes in there and the chat room alpha male zoned in on me and started throwing out little jabs to everything i said... made a few remarks about my profile name... yadda yadda yadda
Basically, what the star quarterback does to the new in the cafeteria in every high school movie... anyway there's always a come uppance at the dance that involves a punch bowl in the end.
I let him escalate things for a bit, then i told him that his naked pics make him look like the discarded old bar of soap that sits at the corner of the shower in a men's locker room.. the one no one wants to pick up because it's matted with all of the assorted pubic hairs from the shower floor.

Ultimately, I'm not there to waste my time fighting with a bitter divorced middle aged man who thinks that his best Who Farted shirt, plaid pajama pants and shower shoes is acceptable attire for the ONLY pic where he has clothes on in his profile.

So, i just go back to the other conversations, at that point.
When I'm Wasting Time
Posted:Sep 19, 2017 7:08 am
Last Updated:Sep 22, 2017 8:04 pm
So, there are times when I do find myself scribbling to get the flow started before I actually start working on a real painted assignment.

It's probably not that odd, but I always find myself painting a naked woman. This was also a test to see if I could still draw out a form after not doing this for a year or so.
Turn of the Screw
Posted:Sep 19, 2017 6:38 am
Last Updated:Sep 22, 2017 8:04 pm


I haven't written anything here for a while now.

Mostly, because I couldn't keep from digressing into another, "You know what I hate the most about you people here..." type of post.

I think I'm over that now. I don't have to mix with anyone here and anyone who chooses to do so can stick to their corner of blogland.

With that said...
I have a few stories to share of my own misadventures in the Really Real World. It still reads like a Young Lady Chatterly book, but oh well. This year, I have tried to slow down, especially after wondering if I was going to have a heart attack on top of another lover. Turns out, i just have to cut out most of the menu items on any given mexican food restaurant and to keep a little more active than I have been.

I also found out that when I wasn't writing here, I was trolling grown forty year old men who collect toys. But as it turns out, a room full of pristine toys still in their original packaging really isn't the worst thing that you can find in a grown man's home.
All through that, back in January i did something that I swore that I wouldn't do.. I went to a bar party full of old high school classmates. I ran into an old high school classmate that kind of floated around the groups that I floated around. She and I never quite mixed, but i did know who she was.
I have to admit though, I have done a lot of drugs and a lot of time has passed, so I did NOT remember anyone. But I did find myself talking to this old classmate and things got personal. I wish I didn't fall into these conversational traps sometimes, when you think that you're offering advise.. then it turns into someone getting a mixed signal.
So, she started texting me.. in the afternoon and the evening.. then late at night. I found her to be very passive-aggressive in conversations and would ask me if this guy was hitting on her if he was asking her to come to a party at his home. Wondering if he was hitting on her, but it turned out that it was, in fact, a party. She would ask odd questions about a hypothetical relationship if we had started dating in high school.


Normally, I would have jumped on this and told her whatever she wanted to hear. This time, not only was it a conscience decision to not engage with her, the little guy who whispers in my ear about good and bad decision was screaming, "DON'T DO IT! THIS ONE HAS CRAZY OVER ATTACHED GIRLFRIEND WRITTEN ALL OVER HER FACE!"
I listened.

In the end, it turned out to be a good decision. When she didn't get what she thought she needed, she got ugly. For all of the good that I maintained with her, I never did lie to her. When she offended me, I let her know. When she went too far, I told her so. When she asked me to go meet her, I said, no.

As soon as I said, no, the first time. It got easier after that. Saying No, was a problem for me. Not only when it comes to sex with a woman, but whenever someone asks me to do something for them. It becomes a taxing job and it takes unnecessary years off your life in the end.

So, I'm trying to turn this ship around.

Just a little at a time, because old habits are hard to break and I'm starting to tip the scale from being a Lothario to becoming a full blown Lecher.
1 comment
Desperately Seeking the Validation of Strangers Online
Posted:Feb 22, 2017 5:29 am
Last Updated:Sep 19, 2017 3:48 am

I haven't felt particularly compelled to write anything here for a while.

I decided that I had enough of the nonsense and pushed away from the keyboard here. All of the prudes and the remora fish guys seeking their approval were really starting to bug me.

I just had to remind myself that half of the people here weren't even real people to me and the things they say actually don't have any gravity damage on me at all. I could have trolled back and told that woman that the best part of her naked pics were the photoshop filters that she used to hide all of her flaws... But then I would find nothing but a bunch of guys trying to ride in like a knight in shining white armor flooding my blog here with comments about what a wonderful woman she is and how dare I make fun of such a delicate butterfly..
But I have a hard time taking anything serious from a guy whose profile pic is his nasty brown hairy taint.

Fuck all of y'all.

So.. the other night I was watching a woman on cam here.. I won't lie.. pants were down on my end and she was sucking on a large dildo. But then as she was lowering this dildo into her throat, she gagged. I mean, SHE GAGGED, complete with a little vomit.. and I was done. Just done with it all, but I noticed all of the other guys in the chat room just kept going with the validation, "Oh, baby... that was so sexy." "Wow, My ex used to do that with a submarine sandwich!!"

Of course,
"hot", and the all time favorite, "Mmmmmmmmmmmm" just started scrolling by in rapid succession. It was like someone was firing a gatling gun full of misspelled vulgar words and View My Cam links. So, I left and discovered that there are some women here who don't feel the need to show off their hooters, and they actually talk back to you... Imagine that?

I also made the mistake of leaving comments on a new local woman's blog.. sounded vaguely familiar in the sense that it was geared to make her sound like another unattainable jewel.. anyone who can survive the obstacle course of a discussion with her may just get ignored at the very end and some excuse will come up about how you're just not good enough.

I'm okay with that.

Just don't fucking project all of your insecurities into me because you want to maintain some kind of guilt ridden control over the conversation about how my gender has never been worthy of your actual time. I don't know what it's like for them away from the keyboard out there in the real world, but I've noticed that the ones who are usually keeping an itchy trigger finger on guys do it because they are afraid we might discover their flaws first in a normal setting. The cards are stacked against you and at the end of the race, you get tossed off to the side with the rest of the garbage because they needed to try to fuck you over before you did it to them first.

I think we are all made up of a collection of flaws that others may or may not see. Flaws have to reach a certain level before they start to become an issue for me... In fact, I have fucked a LOT of ugly women in my life but they happen to have really beautiful personalities. But I also see beauty in just about anyone, except Kelly Anne Conway.. that woman looks like Death got a tan in Florida.

So, If you have nothing but venom laced questions and answers lined up and you have convinced yourself that the burden is on me to try to impress you in under five minutes, then I don't need your validation.

Are you here to meet someone worth your time or just ordering a pizza?
Smell My Finger
Posted:Sep 18, 2016 3:58 am
Last Updated:Feb 22, 2017 4:43 am

I think i lost my mojo here.

I'm not complaining or whining.. i have OTHER creative outlets. This was just fun.. and a way to get the ceaseless ramblings out of my head and somewhere else, but... it's just not fun anymore.

I don't think i care enough to weave the story. I just deleted a post that was exceptionally meandering and kind of mean.. i do like all of the women i have swirling around in my life, even the crazy one.. but i don't think i told a good story. Partly, cause she had just messaged me again with something new to indicate that she likes to stalk my fb page and gather little tidbits of information about me to spring on me at the right moment. At five in the morning... when she's been waiting an hour for me to show up online.

A relationship with her can be like the one that Inspector Clouseau had with Kato.

Anyway, not to digress.

I'm just not into it anymore.

It's like meeting a really attractive woman for dinner and then before the appetizer shows up she begins to start talking about Trump in a positive light. So, while you're trying to enjoy your Deep Fried Bacon Wrapped Mushroom Chicken Strip, you have to deal with Ann Coulter's parrot spewing off on some of the most stereotypically offensive commentary on her world views and solutions. By the time the entrée comes out and three glasses of merlot into this dinner, you let out the first underbreath comment about fixing the education system in this country. Then while you're cutting into your steak you finally give her your full blown thoughts on the whole liberals are gonna steal your guns myth and inform her why it's not right to refer to the waiter as " the mexican boy".

That's where i am with the blog world here.

I'm not quite done with my steak here, but the atmosphere got really tense and I'm not interested in leaving a good impression anymore.

So, MEH.

I'm just here for the tits, pussies and asses.
Did Y'all Know About This??!
Posted:Sep 12, 2016 4:32 am
Last Updated:Sep 18, 2016 2:57 am
Holy Fucking Shit, this explains so much.
Gingivitis Rex Part 2
Posted:Sep 5, 2016 4:45 am
Last Updated:Sep 13, 2016 3:04 am

So, awhile back I wrote about this guy that I didn't like at the mall. The guy doesn't have a job, but hangs around cause his girlfriend had a job there... like ALL day with her. When he would get bored of watching over her like a hawk so other nerds wouldn't try to steal her away from all of his masculine swag, he would walk around and start dropping his little gossip nuggets all over the place.

I actually had to write about this guy and get it all out somewhere or I was literally going to beat the living hell out of him. The guy is a complete myopian in the sense that he has no ground to stand on when he talks poorly of others. When he criticizes others for the job they do, he doesn't even work.. has no plans to look for work, like his job is to stand around at mall events dressed as Kylo Ren or Darth Gingivitis. I mean, on Thursdays he used to have a lightsaber dueling tournament where the prize was a plastic wrestling championship belt that the winners would get to walk around with for the next week proudly.. and they did.

The guy dropped out of high school where there are so many drop outs that he still had enough credits to be the valedictorian of his class.

He finally proposed to his girlfriend on stage during a mother's day event where he forgot to say hello to his mother, but dropped down to his knee and presented her a ring with a zirconia knock-off called a PlasticClear Dimund. Sadly, she couldn't wear the ring for long cause of the skin irritation, but she said YES!


At the beginning of the month, his girlfriend lost her job and he lost his girlfriend's job too. In fact, his girlfriend lost her job cause he was running around and causing too much trouble with the natives here. He used to walk around like a big shot cause of the perceived power that his group had. His group took great joy in stirring up problems with other shops and people in the mall, sometimes for no reason at all.

He was like a parrot, just repeating everything that was said in his group's secret meetings with no clue about what the big words actually meant.. he just talked. His talking almost got him dumped over the rail on the second floor by me when he started going off on my artwork.

But I had to refocus my whole fucking Zen thing.

After all of that, the guy never had to actually be there. No one liked the guy, everyone treated him like the bum who needed a quarter whenever he came around. He stole ideas from other vendors, the guy literally served no purpose whatsoever.

But that didn't stop him from walking past me and another guy as he walked out for the last time saying, "Well, at least I don't have to come back to this fucking place anymore."


That was a little too cathartic, but holy shit that guy is stupid.
Tales of the Ewwwrotica
Posted:Sep 4, 2016 6:46 am
Last Updated:Sep 5, 2016 12:52 pm

I actually came up with that blog title three months ago..

But i found out that i can only be a painter, artist, writer or musician one at a time. The latter, i haven't done in over ten years except for singing like my favorite rock stars in the shower.

Word to the wise:
NEVER attempt an air split in the shower. It never ends well and you really don't look as cool as you think when jumping completely naked.

Which brings me to my next point.

Have you ever made a bad sex tape? Like the kind you make that when you watch it the next day, you look at each other like you just watched, 2 girls, 1 cup, all the way through?

That was me and my first ex-wife about twenty years ago when a vhs tape was involved. I blame the angle of the camera and poor lighting, but it was also the day we discovered my ex-wife had a terrible angle as well. We also looked like two grub worms trying to play leap frog in the dark.

But i looked fantastic though.
1 comment
The United States of Whatever
Posted:Sep 4, 2016 6:27 am
Last Updated:Sep 13, 2016 3:05 am

So, did i get your attention with the last blog post?

Admittedly, it's not even one of my best posts and i wrote it while highly annoyed with someone here. Again, i learned my lesson with someone who is way too centered on this site as a community member. It just made me realize that i really don't mind being the one neighbor with the unkept yard and barking in the front yard to keep the other neighbors away.

But enough of that, cause if i don't like the drama.. I'm not going to perpetuate and ruminate on it any longer.

On to more important things... like..

Have you ever been in a crowded room and felt that magnetic attraction as you zone in on a single person across the room who is looking at you also? Have you ever been so drawn to them that you begin to cross that room and weave your way through the intermittent glimpses into conversations and whisps of perfumes and colognes. At some point, you lose sight but keep moving forward into the blur of faces and noise, but then you hit a clearing and that person you were so drawn to is suddenly there in front of you.

Now is your chance to say something clever, profound, funny or even sardonic, but all you can manage to do is mumble a monotone, Hi.

Regardless, the conversation swells to a crescendo so intense that you have to get some air and away from the peripheral conversations in your general area.

You find yourselves in a quiet spot and once the time is right and you've exhausted your encyclopedic knowledge of comics and super hero origin stories, she or he leans in for a kiss. You oblige and move in, but right before the moment your lips make contact, you get a sniff of their breath and it smells like a McDonalds dumpster in the Texas summer heat.

What do you do?
1 comment
I Just Don't Care
Posted:Sep 2, 2016 4:18 pm
Last Updated:Sep 15, 2016 6:28 am

Blog Drama here just sucks.

Whether or not you're a blogger here with enough of a following to contract a loser to do your bidding, or part of the Social Media Justice Warriors here who feel like they have the moral authority to change things around this place... The drama just sucks.

I just finished a discussion with someone here who really turned me off on trying to do something on this site.

Her Offense?

Just trying to get me to hate on some blogger here who made a name for herself by showing off her ass and apparently got under the skin of some fellow bloggers. I don't know anyone on either side of the drama and really don't care to get involved.

I really don't.

The reason is, that no one here knows me enough to say anything really damaging to my own ego. meaning that if some woman in Bugtussle, TN says that my penis is small and wormy.. I don't care.

If a guy says that I don't know how to attract a woman, I just take that with a grain of salt and move along.

Again, You bunch of assholes don't matter enough to me to gauge a response when you try to throw some negativity my way. Your issues with me are your issues and not mine.

I think both sides are pretty infantile when it comes to coping skills. If you don't like another blogger here, don't read their blog. It's pretty simple and that's the main reason I don't leave comments on blogs anymore.

All I'm saying is that none of the bullshit that circulates here bothers me. BUT, it does bother me when someone tries to get me to drink the same Kool-Aid that everyone else has been sipping on.

When you have an army of social justice warriors circling the wagons around one person with a blog here.. I think someone has to be intellectually honest with themselves and figure out who is doing the bullying.
Finished the Tickled Portrait
Posted:Aug 8, 2016 3:20 pm
Last Updated:Aug 18, 2016 9:01 am
Well, I'm done.

I like to keep these a little on the sketchy side, since I am protecting some part of her identity.

Again, this is one of my favorite people here on this site and that's a pretty short list. Not to put a fine point on it, Tickle and I have become really great friends and it all started here.

So, thanks to Tickle who trusted me enough to see her this way and work on this illustration. I think she is awesome, I can't wait to see her again and see where things can go next time.
The First Adult Friend Found
Posted:Jul 30, 2016 2:12 pm
Last Updated:Nov 21, 2018 4:02 am
Well, this one has been a long time coming.

When my wife and I decided to try this whole crazy train thing, an opportunity came up to meet a blogger for an day at the Dr. Pepper Museum and over to a micro-brewery and finally over to something a little more.

We had one chance to meet, but kept in touch and remains one of our closest friends here on this site. We have a ton of stories now and jokes between us that we've grown a little from our little rendezvous. I'm really glad I got to meet her, and glad to show this one off.

This is a work in progress but I will have this one finished later this week.
Posted:Jun 29, 2016 12:17 pm
Last Updated:Jun 30, 2016 4:08 am

So, here's something to make your dick go soft.

A friend that I met here a couple of years ago and had a lot of fun with died in a drowning accident over the weekend. Now, we didn't become especially close, but we always maintained a good friendly relationship here online and whenever we crossed paths.

This hit me on a few levels. It proved to me that anything can happen when you least expect it, including the worst that can happen.

It taught me to take a little more time to be good to everyone that I know.. even the people who I don't like around here cause one day I'm going to be gone and what are people going to think of me when I'm not around here anymore?

It also reminded me of our own mortality on this world. Nothing in life is guaranteed except that the place that we're going to die is somewhere out there just waiting for us to show up. Whether it's in the comfort of our own bed and a ripe old age or when it's a street corner somewhere.

Sometimes, it makes me weak just thinking about it.

Not for myself, but for everyone else out there in my life.

I'm still trying to process everything and I have to admit that I have had some difficulty moving past this. Again, we weren't that close, but this is a woman that I had shared a moment with. Someone I really got to know on a level that I think others here can take for granted.


I just had to vent this for my own sanity.

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