Hooct Un Foniks Wurct For Me
Just some random meanderings about life, love and the pursuit of happiness. A place where everything i do and say is right.

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Whiskey and Roaches
Posted:Nov 20, 2018 3:56 am
Last Updated:Nov 20, 2018 3:12 pm

I left a comment on a friend's blog that turned into a mini blog post, so i thought i would reshare here.

Way back in the 90s, i was bar hopping and wasting tons of money. At some point, i started getting friendly with a few people who were there as much as i was. There was a woman there who caught my eye, i was 24 and i later found out that she was 32 but that made no difference to me. There was something in her eyes that was typically absent in girls my age.

She had a dangerous look in her eyes, the same look at cat gives a mouse. But that wasn't scaring me at all. Eventually, i crossed the bar and the rest is a drunken blur of images of nudity and seedy motel rooms.

That was one thing that was strangely appealing about her. We would find the seediest motel to go to at the end of the night. She was always naked before i dropped the motel room on the dresser and fumbled around for the desk light.
She also preferred to undress me as i stood in front of her.. the best time was having a ceiling mirror that gave us an interesting perspective on the entire night.

At times, we would laugh and join in with other muffled sounds of moaning and groaning. I remember pounding on the wall one night and yelling, YOU'RE NOT GIVING IT TO HER HARD ENOUGH... PUT HER HEAD THROUGH THE WALL!!

One memorable night, we were right in the middle of heavy and hard sex and a roach scuttled across her forehead. We both screamed and darted up in bed into karate posrs that looked like the Charlie's Angels logo.

I think one say, we just woke up from the dream though. We never had a fight, never had any disagreements. One night, i just didn't go to the bar.. maybe she did the same, but everything derailed quickly. We never shared much of our lives when we hooked up.. i doubt that she knew my last name, but we knew every inch of each other's bodies.

She was beautiful too. Dark hair with green eyes and an ample form that really suited her. Her pale skin glowed in the moon light of a dark room and i loved the sound of her soft smokey moans when i kissed her on certain spots.

In hindsight.. was it love that started creeping up on us... was she married?

Those were questions that i never bothered asking. I probably didn't want to know the answers and was too young and dumb to realize what was going on.
Happy Halloween. Dr. Manhatten
Posted:Oct 31, 2018 7:07 am
Last Updated:Nov 10, 2018 6:27 pm
The neighbors are going to be so pissed off.
Across the Universe
Posted:Oct 25, 2018 4:04 am
Last Updated:Oct 28, 2018 9:57 am

I want to scream, I Love You, at the top of my lungs... But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me.

So, the main reason that I haven't been around as much is that I may have already found that extra curricular activity that I have been looking for.

I also feel like I have made all of the friends that I need. To you, thank you for always putting up with me and my rants on everything, salty memes and videos that just leave you scratching your heads.

All of my friends here have a special quality about them. Whenever I text a passing compliment to them, I don't get an immediate disqualifying remark about what I just said to them.

I don't know about you, but I find it taxing and not worthy of my time to have to sit and build up your self confidence and self assurance. Maybe, I just like confident women who are comfortable in believing that they are exactly who they are supposed to be... I don't know.

But I am attracted to that in them.

I also like intelligent women. I don't dance, but I've always imagined a really good conversation is like moving through a dance floor. If you're good enough at it, then others clear a circle and watch or join in.

I say that knowing the context that it will be perceived in on a site like this, but my point still stands..lol

But I like to laugh and any woman who can sit and shoot right back at what I'm saying without killing the subject has my complete attention. I mean, for some reason the importance is put on what I have to do to seduce YOU. Well, that's fine, but what are YOU going to do to seduce me, besides sit and ask me what car I drive, what i do for a living and do I like cats?

I like cats.. they're cute, funny and generally fuzzy, but complete assholes.

Change my mind.
Time Traveling Nonsense
Posted:Oct 6, 2018 5:23 pm
Last Updated:Oct 7, 2018 4:56 pm

Things are getting funny.

I never did imagine myself as an older guy still wandering around with different women.

Yet here I am. This day that I'm thinking of I was laying on a big hotel room bed naked with a woman that I was very fond of.. obviously. As we laid there I just traced images for her to guess on her back and bare shoulder and the slight conversation just turned to what would happen if we had met each other ten or even twenty years before.

I can't have that conversation for too long, because then the logistics of getting back in time 20 years begins to take root.

Strap yourselves in because this is the reason that I think Dr. Who is the stupidest show on Earth.

So, when we think of time we just have this arbitrary concept of what time is by looking at the passage of the day. But when we start to look at the concept of time travel we have to start breaking down time as a tangible and relative construct that works in conjunction with our own body clocks.

In order to further illustrate, Time has a mass, therefore picks up velocity as it moves on and we see that years start roll on by faster as we get older. Time is also relative. Just the way one hour may drag on for you while an hour passes by like a sneeze for others.

So, this is just to set up traveling through time.

First off, Time travel IS possible, but the logistics are what keep us from moving through. Relative time begins to slow down the further away you move from a gravitational force greater than yourself. In outer space, you would not age the same way you would while on a planet.. you would be able to live for a prolonged amount of time without changing as much throughout the years based on the relative time on the planet you just left.
In order to travel forward through time we just need to find our way to orbit a black hole. The force on your body will propel you forward through relative time and you may end up moments if not years ahead of everyone on earth. By the time you return to the planet, centuries could have passed you by.

The science is not sound going back through time though. The theory is to pass through the black hole or gravitational singularity and just see where you end up on the end. If you come out of the other end, that is. There is no variable and there is no way to chart where you can come out. At best, you can stagnate the passage of time within the singularity, but you may not be able to return.


All I can do is kiss her on the back of the neck, hold her tight and reassure her that we met each other precisely when we were supposed to meet.
1 comment
Toxic Male Syndrome
Posted:Oct 4, 2018 8:55 am
Last Updated:Oct 22, 2018 2:28 am

Something happened yesterday that forced me to sit back and evaluate my behavior again online.

A few says ago, I was sitting in a chat room here and interacted with someone I thought was nice. Nothing too lewd, just casual conversation. Days passed and I saw her online and shot her a message. After my introduction, she immediately asked to move the conversation to another social chat platform.. which we did and that is when the train came off the rails almost immediately.

Typically, after the first exchange, one will ask for a pic. I sent her a pic of my face.. with clothes on and with a quick comment that the chin was really mine. In return, I got a topless pic of her bare breasts.

I didn't ask for that, but I complimented her anyway.

I totally misread that situation and fired back with an equally compromising pic of myself which turned into a soap box moment for herself.

So, I was called a Toxic Male and the following rant was all about me and my entitlement.

She doesn't know me, but this is the last that I am going to speak of this woman.

So, I apologized as much as I could, because ultimately this woman online was right. I really need to watch out how and who I interact with from here.

I will never be running for Supreme Court Justice or even any public office that requires a back ground check and/or drug test. With that said and out of the way, I often confront guys on their inability to read a situation and the ability to accept, no, as an answer.

Yet, here I am being called out for my bad behavior.

I KNOW that I shouldn't be sending pics like that to someone that I just exchanged three sentences with, but I fell for the trap. There was nothing that I could have said or done that would have changed that woman's mind about what just happened. It would be my word against hers. The last thing that I wanted to do was lash out with an angry response, that would have just added fuel to her fire.

I think that is what got me angry the most. Not with her, but I had a moment of stupidity that is going to sit in my head now for the next few months.
Holy Bat Gonads
Posted:Sep 29, 2018 5:22 pm
Last Updated:Oct 15, 2018 2:26 pm
So, Every once in a while something is done in comic books to try to drum up the attention and sales for any given tent pole character. Whether it is the death of a beloved character or side kick or even the main character himself. You can always guarantee that there was a meeting held on how to make things exciting and bring readers back to the book.

This past month a well known publisher went to the ultimate extreme to bring attention to the title for one absurd reason.

we all got to see Batman's Dick.

I don't think a single fan out there was asking to see Batman's dick and I'm including the female fan base. To me, as a writer, you just put your character and your fans in a vulnerable spot. Your character is there for all to see, and your fans are kind of forced to look at it. No matter how well you add just the subtle amount of lighting and shadowing.

I have been struggling to write this blog now for a week. Not because of his dick being the subject. I just keep digressing into the core of what I think makes Batman who he is as a human. I have a hard time looking at him as a hero and more of a sociopath that loves to prey on the less fortunate of society.

This is a man, who has never been able to cope with the tragic death of both of his parents. In turn, he has dedicated his life to becoming a night time vigilante who understands that he will never bring the person responsible for his torment to justice. Yet continues his crusade to strike fear in the citizens of the lower income side of town by dressing as a bat and armed to the teeth like a doomsday prepper with gadgets themed to go along with his costume.. which at some point he must feel like the silliest person in the world because he is the only guy in the room with a cape and full body leotard on.

So, I think that getting a glimpse of batman's dork really isn't the only thing that makes his look silly.

The one point that i did not get to originally was the lack of conviction from the publisher is that they folded to the pressure of the backlash and removed the penis from every consecutive publishing and the digital release.

The first question the publishers should have asked themselves is, Does anyone really need to see Batman's dick? Also, what purpose does it serve and then you have to address the obvious double standard present. Wonder Woman can run around in a bikini and be drawn as a nude woman with a painted suit on, while a single penis outrages an entire fan base.

Batman's dick doesn't matter, but if you are going to go full frontal, then don't apologize about it later.
Posted:Sep 23, 2018 9:15 pm
Last Updated:Sep 30, 2018 3:02 am

At some point, as a person, you have to take a step back and take a look at what is going on through another perspective.

This week in the news, I guess straight males everywhere collectively felt betrayed and violated by the news that Bert and Ernie are a gay couple.

I mean, they took bubble baths with each other, and if you really want to be technical.. there always has been someone there with a hand up their asses.

In order to properly address the issue, you have to remove the elephant in the room. Burt and Ernie's relationship has nothing to do with gay sex. Just let that sink in for a moment.

The original statement from the writer simply mentioned that as an adult, the way he approached writing for them was from the perspective of a loving gay couple. One was a slightly gruff and emotionally abusive while the other was more insightful and emotionally mature enough to talk to his partner to see his way of thinking properly.

The fact that these guys are angry and flipping tables over about the gay sex is strictly on them and another misdirected attempt to vent their anger.

It's not big deal.. Burt and Ernie are not real people. One is yellow and the other is orange.. and I'm not even being socially inappropriate about my description.. They're freakin muppets.
1 comment , 1 Pending
Toad the Wet Sprocket
Posted:Sep 19, 2018 8:56 pm
Last Updated:Oct 4, 2018 5:55 am

Well, I woke up wondering why Toad from Super Mario Kart was trending this morning on social media...

Before I go any further, this is about to get political as FUCK.

Normally, I would just write this blog elsewhere but I don't think this post would be appropriate on any other site because it involves the dick of a fucking 70 year old man.

We have hit a brand new low with our Creepy Porn President and we got to hear the description of Captain CottonCandy Head's little dangling participle. The porn star that he fucked raw went ahead and spilled the beans and told us everything that we didn't want to know about that fat asshole's dick because he couldn't pay her off like he said he would.

All other scandals aside..

This is a new low. Regardless of where you lie on the party lines.. this is just not normal. Why are we expecting the guy who paraded around like a with no understanding of boundaries at the Miss Universe Contest to be any different? Who thought the guy with the gold plated apartment was going to be a good fiscal conservative??

Why is that behavior acceptable?

You can't even plug up your ears and scream about fake news anymore because who the hell pleads guilty to fake news??

Anyway, we have a description of what his dick looks like.
The Promise
Posted:Sep 15, 2018 8:16 pm
Last Updated:Sep 23, 2018 9:00 pm
I've been trying to change my tone here.

In fact, I have been down right existential now in what I'm doing here and how I approach people. I still like talking to naked people here on the site. I'm just not here to talk to every single person.

I had a moment in a chat room and said something that I probably shouldn't have, but it was a shot across the bow for anyone who thought that they could talk to me like i was some glazed knuckle dragging moron. I say that with the full understanding that it's my ego speaking and just trying to lash out for how others made me feel in that moment.

Admittedly, I am just like everyone else and wrote two blogs where I lashed out once very aggressively and then another that was passive-aggressive in tone and I am working on that. I am working on projecting inward rather than outward and hopefully you will have a better understanding on why I can't stand 80% of the people on this fucking site.

I don't want to be another blog on this site complaining about the lack of interaction and how Little Miss Naked Butt has a photoshopped image on her blog. Why don't those people sit and write out a fucking blog about what's wrong inside of them that they have to commit time and effort into a blogland version of a diss track?

I'm not here to involve you in any of my drama, and I really don't want to hear about yours. Consider my blog an island where there is only one guy laying out on the beach. You can visit if you want, but if you start leaving your cigarette butts and bullshit here I'm just ask you to pick it all up and go.

Anyway, the title of this blog is derived from Chris Cornell's, The Promise. This song is an ear worm and has been for me as I have worked on a series of portraits over the summer and chatted with a special person. The illustration is of Chris Cornell and not my friend.
Don't Call This a Comeback
Posted:Sep 8, 2018 6:03 am
Last Updated:Sep 10, 2018 3:01 am

I needed a little digression.

I was having a difficult time not referring to everyone in this blog community as " A Bunch of Naked Fragile Assholes", so i felt like i needed a break.

So, i went and started a political blog somewhere else. Now, it seems like I'm just referring to all of my readers there as a bunch of "Knuckle Dragging Republican Dumb Fucks".. i began to realize that i could cite all of the historical facts and sources for what i believe is the truth, but i was just going to be called a "libtard" or a snowflake, while they plug their ears and scream fake news and refuse to read anything past five words..

So, i poked my head back in over here, just for a breather. I have to write SOMEWHERE. With that said, Read on at your own risk.

(Pregnant Pause)

What have i learned in my absence from this site?

The most impirtant lesson has been that i do not have to stick my dick in every single vagina that i see here. Once, i came to that realization, the clarity of mind was ASTOUNDING.

That doesn't mean what you think though..

I just think if I'm going to have sex with anyone, I'd rather it was with a good friend. It doesn't have to be love, but we are both there because we want to be there.

That isn't the goal with everyone, if anyone now.

Anyway, i don't know what the point of that was.
Chat Room Awkwardness
Posted:Sep 24, 2017 1:19 pm
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2017 9:20 am

Does it ever get weird for anyone else when you wander into a chat room only to find a bunch of men just sitting in there in silence?

Suddenly, the mental image of the room becomes this dark seedy looking dungeon-like sauna where all of the men suddenly turn to see who just walked into the area and just glare at you from their shadowy dark corners as you walk across the chat room.

I imagine it must be the same kind of paranoia that rushed over Luke Skywalker as he walked into Mos Eisely Cantina. There are times when I will try to make the best of it.. sometimes being the first one to break the three hour silence and just make a couple of remarks about something random.. just to see what will start to stick to the side of the conversational wall, but most of the time.. these guys are lurking and waiting to pounce on the first woman who strolls into the room and suddenly the room comes to life as if someone just switched on the Robot Jug Band at Showbiz Pizza.

Suddenly, the room is filled with about forty different pick up lines directed at the only woman in the room. If that doesn't do anything to validate an average woman into believing that she is a diva... I don't know what will do it.

Anyway, It's like when the cow gets lowered into the piranha infested river water.

Bad analogy.. Let me rephrase..

It's like when the goat was lowered into the velociraptor pit in----

You know, I should just end this blog right about now.
1 comment
Illustration Post
Posted:Sep 23, 2017 9:47 am
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2017 9:21 am
So, every time I decide to share some artwork here. The goons who are working the boards at the site HQ always seem to get a little confused about what I share.. mistaking my work for some internet junk, but Ironically.. you can get away with sharing memes and other images that aren't copy written.

So, with that said.. I don't think I'm going to finish this one, but it was another warm up exercise before starting up another painting.

To link to this blog (CynicusMaximus) use [blog CynicusMaximus] in your messages.

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