Hooct Un Foniks Wurct For Me
Just some random meanderings about life, love and the pursuit of happiness. A place where everything i do and say is right.

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Between the Lines
Posted:Dec 6, 2018 7:16 pm
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2018 3:45 am
Before I start an illustration, I usually warm up with a sketch.

And for some reason.. it's always a butt.
I'm Probably a Bigger Asshole Than You
Posted:Dec 6, 2018 3:48 am
Last Updated:Dec 18, 2018 3:29 pm

Well, i got someone's attention on my blog.

From what i understand, this guy is like the Mary Poppins of negativity. He shows up and does this song and dance until a blogger blocks him. Then he does some kind of touchdown dance and moves along to the next.

He looks a roach wearing a human suit and that's the best quality he has. The best part though is that tge majority of the rational people here have already blocked him, so you don't have to witness my blog become some petty little battleground.


My tolerance is pretty low. And so is my expectations on this guy.

Honestly, there is nothing that i can say about him that he can't say for himself. He is a swirling black hole of negativity and pure unadulterated bitterness, and he's desperate to paint me in the same colors that he's drenched in.

Sorry, bud. I'm nothing like you.

But i could have been.

I could be just like you and blame everyone else for my poor choices in life. I could generalize every woman into that one that hurt me. That's easy to do. That's the first thing every wounded weak man does.

That's where weak men stay.

Now, you're sitting on this site just trying to provoke others into ugly little petty fights just so you can play the victim later when you drag them down to your level.

So, I'm giving you this forum, H_G. Not that you need it, but sad little guys need a stage. I'm never going to agree with you, but at some point someone has to teach you how to be a man with some real conviction. There is nothing that you can say to me that will get any kind of reation except pity.

You are blocked by every man and woman that knows you anyway, so you can be assured no one will see what you type here. You can either be my punching bag here or learn something if you are going to make my blog a habit.

The choice is your, Jumbo.
I Hate People, But I Love Gatherings
Posted:Dec 5, 2018 3:31 am
Last Updated:Dec 6, 2018 2:01 pm

I was reminded yesterday why i quit reading the comments on other blogs. Also why i quit reading other blogs from people that I'm not familiar with.

Honestly, if i go to your blog and interact with you, that just means I've liked what you have said on mine and i already appreciate what you have to say on some level. If i don't, well...

Sometimes, I'm not quite sure how to react to some content on a blog. Like the ones that are just sharing sexy black and white gifs. Uhmm, great cut and paste powers, but what are you going to do after December 17th when that site dumps all of its adult content. There goes 90 percent of your blog's appeal.

Anyway, I'm digressing.

I read the comments on a friend's blog and was reminded why i like to keep my blog like a deserted island where i can walk on the beach without having to weave through a bunch of other people just trying to ruin my good time.

I honestly believe, that if you're here to drop little turds on someone else's blog and pick little fights because someone has a different opinion. You're not doing any of this right. Just pull up your pants and go stand in line at a Trump rally where the misdirected anger is overflowing.

So, I'll be courteous enough to let you know that you need to get off my beach. It's in my tag line too. This is my spot where everything i do and say is right.

Don't like it?

Don't care.
1 comment
Concentric Circles
Posted:Dec 5, 2018 2:53 am
Last Updated:Dec 5, 2018 5:28 pm

Do you have one of those friends that constantly tells you stories of how terrible their boyfriend is?

Co-dependent love just seems to be worst. Especially for friends to deal with.

As a friend now, we have had to deal with constant break ups and arguements along ith her pleas for advice. She paints a picture of her life with an unappreciative, bored, lazy piece of shit that doesn't deserve her time and effort. He breaks her heart every single time he is given a choice to do the right thing, he's a bastard and asshole that-- OH, she already got back with him yesterday.

In a nutshell, i got sick of this friend and her rollerciaster of emotions. Slowly, i began to realize tgthat at this was her own form of manipulation. To pull at your heart strings so she can tell you how bad everything is, to get you to feel soory for the position she is in.
One day, she messaged me to tell me he went out drinking, and she hates when he drinks. When i talked to her. I found out that there is never any violence, no harassment nothing abusive. She just doesn't like when he has something else to do.
On that note, the guy really is a lazy do nothing. He comes into a room and you can feel the energy turn into this oppressing feeling of boredom and resentment that he's hard to ignore and difficult to be around. So, i choose to avoid him.

So, for the last two years. It's been one break up after another. She convinces us that was never right for her and she ends up back with him the next day.

I have never pulled my punches when giving her advice about him. I don't excuse his behaviour. If he wants out, then let him go. I've told her to go find a man. Not some guy with arrested development issues that she found browsing in the toy aisle at Walmart.

Don't get me wrong though, there isn't some deep rooted resentment or jealousy on my part. I just got sick being lied to about how bad it is for her. She made an announcement the other day on FB that she has entered a relationship with her barnacle again.
I commented, Congratulations! Are we supposed to forget all of the bad things you sais about him again?
1 comment
Gah Dammit, Fernando
Posted:Dec 4, 2018 5:10 am
Last Updated:Dec 5, 2018 5:30 pm

Yesterday afternoon, i was outside cleaning out the car when i heard some muffled yelling, a woman's voice and she was hysterical. I could tell it was coming from the building next to mine, but i just went back to my work.

A minute later, the yelling started again and this time i could make out was being said. A woman yelling,

The rest was just a bunch of incoherent sobbing and a lot of cursing Fernando.


Like an action hero walking away from a big gasoline explosion in slow motion.. Fernando emerges from the walkway of the building. I stopped what i was doing to watch the desperado of the wild west walk off into the sunset unphased by the woman now begging him to turn back.

I locked eyes with Fernando as he walked past me, and I'm sure that i had a look on my face like i just saw the Marlboro Man. I don't think it was fascination though.

I saw a pudgy little man with a fu manchu goatee in sweat pants and a hoodie walk away care free from a woman crying for him to come back to her. Whatever Fernando did was forgiven for one more moment of co-dependent love.

Fernando just kept on walking.

Fernando also didn't have a trash bag full of clothes slung over his shoulder and i didn't see any laundry being thrown out a window. I'm assuming Fernando came back at some point.

Probably drunk.
1 comment
This is Not a Christmas Blog
Posted:Dec 3, 2018 3:09 am
Last Updated:May 8, 2019 5:09 pm

Do you ever wonder if the Three Wise men showed up with, gold, frankincense and myrrh because all of the playstations, flat screen tvs and waffle makers were already sold out at the Black Friday sale?

This season is already shaping out to be a good holiday season.

Yep, i said Holiday Season. If you have a problem with that, you can fuck yourself because it's not about you anymore. If you are willing to scoff at someone and correct anyone who tells you, Happy Holidays.. You're just an asshole.

If your response is, It's Merry CHRISTmas!
My response is, Happy Saturnalia, bitch.

I mean, if you want to get technical.. Merry Yuletide. That's still in some of our songs, but welcome to the pagan holiday season, jerks.

Ironically, i use Happy Holidays to be inclusive. I have a diverse group of friends and occasionally i have to interact with people overseas. I say it to be least offensive as possible, but it's those fucking Christians and Catholics that can't let it go.

I had a gentleman in my studio last week and the conversation turned on a dime when i wished a Happy Holiday season. He looked at me and barked, Merry Christmas back at me and shot me a dead eye look. Then he continued on a rant about another religion that isn't so popular at the moment and referred to them as animals.

I stood there silent and gathered my thoughts about what just happened. I opened the door for him to leave and just said, It's amazing what will spark someone into showing you their true colors. Happy Holidays, sir.

I'm pretty sure that he had a lot more to say, but i ushered him out before i went off.

This conversation has been sitting with me all weekend and i wasn't quite sure how to process it.

Then yesterday, i had a short meeting with a Marketing Director. She showed up with a paper coffee cup from THAT franchise. She was pleased with herself because she wrote, Merry Christmas on her cup. I guess this is a thing to give people the satisfaction of tricking others into saying it.

Talk about petty AF.
I am pretty sure employees are just sick and tired of the bullshit and are just calling out, Merry Christmas #775, just to prevent a riot of Merry Christmases all trying to pick up the same cup of fucking coffee.

Christmas doesn't start for some people until they have mauled a holding a prized item, or trampled an old lady to get to last year's inventory marked down to sell.

Also in the news...
First Lady and Woman Crying for Help, Melania Trump unveiled her 2nd Annual American Horror Story Christmas display at the white house. The White House now looks like The Stanely Hotel at midnight. All we need is a glimpse of John Kelly giving Sarah Sanders in a bunny suit a blow job and the season is complete.
Just Out of Curiosity, For the Ladies..
Posted:Dec 1, 2018 6:22 pm
Last Updated:Dec 11, 2018 12:41 am

I'm trying to taper off what i have on my profile..

Trying to trim the bait, i guess.

I've begun to realize that i must he putting out some sort of vibe on my profile. While doing this, i started to wonder about something..

Ladies, when a guy has an extreme close up of his his dick.. do you imagine the peehole is the mouth when chatting with him on IM? Does it make the conversation a little easier if you need to have a face to go along with the conversation?
A Meninist, An Incel and a Douchebag Walk Into a Bar..
Posted:Nov 30, 2018 4:00 am
Last Updated:Dec 12, 2018 5:28 am

I had been meaning to write this for a couple of weeks.

We all have come across that guy in life. The guy who is always single. The guy who never seems to get past the initial introduction with a woman. Most of them suffer from some kind of arrested development whether it's a giant comic book, collection, an encyclopedic memory of Star Trek or even a room full of pristine action figures kept immaculate in their original boxes.

These men have one thing in common.

None of them will ever get laid.

Short for Involuntarily Celibate. A term coined by the disabled who had a difficult time being identified as a sexul person because of their disability. Don't let these able bodied men that have adopted the term fool you at all. These are just men that show up for a first meeting in stained sweat pants, shower shoes and their best Who Farted shirt with no shower after a long humid summer day and wonder why women don't like them.

These are the guys who are bitter about having to buy drinks for women they like, on the off chance that the drink will be compensation for sex at the end of a long conversation about how much money they have, their work out routine and their car. They believe all women want the same thing, a pic of their dick to frame and place on the mantle. You show me a meninist and I'll show you a sad little man that is one more lonely Saturday night away from sending another man a nice comment about his dick and how much he would like it up his ass.

We all know this guy. He sits on this site waiting for an opportunity to troll anyone that has any semblance of a good day. These guys will be passive-aggressive about everything as they paint themselves as a tortured victim. Every story is laced with guilt as he tries to paint himself like Golem. Just some misunderstood doofus, like Quasimodo, who isnt going to settle for anything less than the mental image they have plastered in their mind of which beautiful woman will take enough pity on them to shower them with sex. This woman must also worship a physique that resembles that pink starfish guy on SpongeBob, and you must take it up the ass. While they offer nothing in return.

But you know...

Fuck these guys.

These pseudo-men get their joy now from trying to ruin things for women out there. They report any woman that doesn't find them appealing. These are the guys behind Gamer Gate. These guys shame women online and write manifestos about how women should buy them a drink first and how tough it is to be a grown male in a coubtry being overthrown by feminists. They talk aout the "good ole days" when you could harrass a women by complimenting her tits freely and without prejudice.

These guys will die friendless and alone, but don't feel bad about them. This is the bed of roses that they cultivated and cherished themselves.
I'm Already Somebody's Baby
Posted:Nov 29, 2018 11:39 am
Last Updated:Nov 30, 2018 6:14 am

Yesterday, someone danced though my head as I was working that I had not thought of in quite a while.

She was a really nice woman who came along when I was not in the best state of mind. I thought she was beautiful and smart, she had a way about her and a wit that always left me in stitches. She was a red head with the most amazing blue eyes that I've ever seen.

When she came along into my life, she just thought I was the funniest guy in the artist bullpen. I was going through a really nasty separation that left me depressed and defeated. It's still funny to me how some people will see the best parts of you, the parts that you think are trash and not worth anything just because someone else didn't see the value.

We got really close, and I ended up spending all of my time with her and I was giving it up freely. We found reasons to get away from the others and go find our spots to go sit and talk when we were out with friends from work. She knew that I was separated and knew that some where deep down inside I didn't have to be with that other woman that I made the mistake of marrying.

One day at work, I cut myself on a piece of wood that I was moving from one side of the office to the other.. As always, we went out after the day was over to the favorite bar and were hanging out. The whole time my hand was burning and was just a nagging itch. Again, we found our way to move away from the crowd and ended up back at her place. We had been watching movies together for the last month already so I had been to her apartment. She dragged me into the bathroom to examine my cut. With a little nudging and prodding, she managed to work a 3/4 inch splinter out of my hand and the pain instantly dissolved.


My hand was still cradled in her hands and we locked eyes. I just remember looking into her eyes and just thinking that I had never seen prettier eyes looking back into mine. It's foggy about who leaned in for the first kiss, but it was a deep one. She dropped my hands and ran her hands up the back of my head and gripped a little tight her other hand floated further south.

I know she would have been such a great person to be with. I know that I would have been happy with her. I know that I was in love with her.

But I was married to some fucking snake of a woman that had me convinced that I owed her something while she was out fucking every ham n egger that thought she was pretty.

I pulled myself away and i know things instantly changed in that moment.

The next day was uncomfortable. She avoided eye contact for a month and then, she showed up with a new guy at our favorite bar.

I just remember grabbing my jacket and sliding out when no one noticed. I went back to hiding out in my little hole and kicked myself in the ass for a while.
1 comment
Will you Draw Me?
Posted:Nov 27, 2018 3:46 pm
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2018 1:46 pm
If you have to ask me to do a drawing of you, the answer is probably, no.

Whenever I post an illustration of someone that I know, it's typically something that I have done because there is a lot more behind the illustration that has to do more with the subject and her personality. I draw the people that I like to spend time with and who don't mind spending their time with me.

The pair of legs belong to a friend that I would walk through fire for. I've known her for a few now, and she's a great friend to have around. I also don't burden her with a bunch of incessant begging to fuck around. So, if she asks me to draw something to send to one of her boyfriends.. I will oblige her.

If you're some woman on the site with some kind of idea that we are her just to appease you and make you feel like you're fucking special just because I saw your pussy? Well, it's you're profile pic, why should I feel special at all?

Enjoy your free drawing, it's in the color you fucking requested too.

To Bi or Not to Bi
Posted:Nov 25, 2018 6:39 am
Last Updated:Nov 25, 2018 8:18 pm

Okay, so this is something that I have to deal with on a daily basis here and this is the first time that I've publicly discussed this in any kind of detail. This is also NOT an invitation, but just a little glimpse into how I reason with things at any given time.

I have always made the joke here that if you're going to share any penis pics here, the only people who are going to leave you positive comments are other guys.

As of late, I have been telling close friends on the site that the current trend has been guys interested in meeting me..

So here is the truth.

I have considered it from time to time.. if I'm going to call myself a hedonist, then how can I do so if I'm not open to everything. The next question is how much do I really want to be a hedonist?

So, the main issue is that I have an inside view of what it is like to be a woman on this site, especially if you are not into getting a message about how great you look and and a declaration that they can be over in five minutes and are already en route to your location.
Is anyone really a fan of getting a message about them being in a hotel room on business and just looking for a little fun. Even if it is a woman asking me to go over, I'm still spending some time asking questions about who they are. I'm not above that kind of behaviour, but I'm not putting myself in a situation that I can be compromised.

As a social nudist, I am not afraid of seeing a penis wobbling around at the pool when I'm at the Nudist ranch, or standing around having a conversation with a naked guy. I am past that part of being around guys, but I still give a stink eye to the guy in the gym locker room walking around with his towel over his shoulder and throwing a foot up on the bench as he talks to you about the weather.

One thing that I'm never going to get over is the sight of another man's bare feet. I can't stand the sight of a guy's bare feet and have requested new seating at a restaurant when a guy showed up in sandals looking like he had walked through a salt desert barefoot. If there's a hairy toe knuckle or hair on the bridge of his foot, I might even throw up in my mouth a little. On that note, excessive body hair is just NOT going to work for me, so hairy shoulders and hair sticking out of ears and noses is just another mess of NOPE.

But mostly, it all comes down to personality and every guy wants to be an alpha male online. I'm a guy too, so that just triggers my fight response and you're getting a bloody lip or I'm letting you know that 80% of my IQ is geared for insults.
I don't think I find men attractive either.. I'm sure some of these guys are handsome studs in some arenas, but I can't tell you who a good looking guy is. I just see some potato shaped collection of lumps and sparse patches of hair with a sea urchin looking penis tucked under a nest of stringy pubic hair. No wonder every single woman on this site is pissed off at us.

Finally, sex always comes down to an act of affection for me. If there isn't any kind of passion for it, it's just fucking. Masturbation is just as suitable for the occasion and I don't have to include some hairy, heaving ape in the room with me stinking up the joint.

There is a viral video of Anthony Hopkins head banging to some death metal, but it just looks like my biggest nightmare of some elderly naked dude heaving over me till he has a fucking stroke. There is even some audio of him grunting that just grosses me the fuck out. I don't know how you women do this with guys.
1 comment
Am I " Too Respectful"?
Posted:Nov 24, 2018 4:14 am
Last Updated:Nov 25, 2018 4:07 am

This is not a complaint, but i think i get so wrapped up in trying to present the best of my personality that i can with someone.. i tend to forget to be lewd.

Again, i don't think this is necessarily a bad thing, but some times.. someone will get bored and move on.

When i REALLY get to know someone, i don't have a problem being lewd. I just can't be that way with a stranger online. But why should i? I feel like such an ass whenever i do say something out of character and way too soon to be remotely appropriate. Just because your profile pic is a naked part, that doesn't mean that i should immediately refer to your naked part... right?

Back to my question though, i see that women are always asking for a man to be respectful of her, I've tried to rely on a woman to let me know when she is ready to take it to that next level, otherwise i end up with a tiger by the tail who starts comparing me to Charles Manson. On the same note, is it up to me to take the initiative?

Plus, i think i have ended up with enough bipolar women on one night stands already.

I just feel like i may get boring to someone who wants to move a little faster.
1 comment

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