Hooct Un Foniks Wurct For Me
Just some random meanderings about life, love and the pursuit of happiness. A place where everything i do and say is right.

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The Millennium Falcon Challenge
Posted:Feb 19, 2019 4:33 am
Last Updated:Feb 21, 2019 4:32 am
For my next trick...

I'm going to take a nude selfie hiding behind THIS one.
Planes, Traines & Starships
Posted:Feb 18, 2019 6:13 am
Last Updated:Feb 21, 2019 4:25 am
This past weekend i got to do the Annual IPMS Model Contest and Incel Whine Off, and, boy are my arms tired.

In my defense!

I don't take part in the contest, i just have an exhibit. But I'm there to represent my small business and basically talk for one hour doses about Star Trek and why i don't like Star Trek...

I like Star Trek, but every trek fan reminds me why i don't like Star Trek fans.

1. Despite what you may have heard... there is NO ACTUAL science in Star Trek. Seriously, if anyone takes out a motorola flip phone, they would laughed all the way back to 1997. If the show was so futuristic... then why didn't they predict the internet.

2. The original show from 1963 got cancelled because it was stupid. Travelling in space to run into space gods and Abraham Lincoln sitting a chair in space was pretty dumb. Also, anyone who can sit through Spock's Brain is VERY forgiving of a bad episode.

3. Captain James T. Kirk runs like a woman holding a purse. Nuff said!

So, the list goes on, but i use that whenever the vitriol on the
2009 reboot begins to spew. Otherwise, they can go on for days and ignore the fact that i have other people to talk to that are waiting on me.

I did get to sit with a really nice 50+ married woman that ditched her husband to hang out with me for while talk about her painting. She started painting her husband's N scale trains and landscapes, and have won awards all over Texas... but no one has ever talked to her about her craftsmanship. So, we sat together and talked shop and for ONCE a husband got impatient and had to pull his wife away from an exhibit at the IPMS model show. Typically, the room is run by the husbands running between exhibits and vendor tables like at recess, with their wives slowly brining up the rear holding boxes of models.... wondering where this came from after she only got a small box of chocolates for Valentine's Day.

This year, i ended up at the event center two hours past the end of the show talking to people.

Moral of the story:
Everyone loves a big millennium falcon.
1 comment
Posted:Feb 18, 2019 5:35 am
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2019 5:37 am

I just watched 50 Shades of Grey..

I don't know what i was expecting, i flipped through the book already. I guess i thought the nudity and sex would be good tho.

My conclusion:
Anyone who likes these books and movies should be checked for a concussion.

I think the whole problem is that i do not identify with the culture. This is on me, i freely admit that.

You want to be punished? My first thought is to roll up a newspaper, grab you by the back of the neck, rub your nose in whatever, slap you over the head with said newspaper and give you a firm, NO.

Recently, there was a couple that liked my pics, left nice comments and then sent a message. Well, after i responded.. they apparently thought a green light was turned on and whoever was writing their response called me a Sissy Bitch.

Da Fuq, you just say?

What followed was this unapologetic description of their sex life complete with costume change breaks, tools and toys. They showed off their paddle and that's when the needle got ripped off the record album.

I'm not going to bend over and get paddled by N.E.ONE... AND WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO THINK THAT YOU CAN CALL ME ANY FUCKING NAMES??!! As soon as i heard, Sissy B-.... I'm sure that I'm throwing out a Karl Malone elbow by instinct alone.

Oh yeah.. 50 Shades of BLEHHHHHH.

My only question about the books really is... Where was the editor?? Unfiltered, i run into a lot the same mistakes... i write off the cuff and sometimes my stuff needs a little glossing up on the professional level to kill any redundancies add punctuaion and even resculpt a paragraph or two to clean up my wording.

What happened to the editor on 50 Shades?

Fan fiction will ALWAYS be fan fiction.
Blue Green Eyes
Posted:Feb 14, 2019 3:51 am
Last Updated:Feb 15, 2019 8:58 am

a couple of days ago, I posted a two illustrations. I may post them up again, but first I had to get this out of the way about the subject of those illustrations.

I just feel like everything I'm about to say about her will be lost because I posted an illustration of her beautiful ass on display for all to see. I just feel like there would a conflict in the message.

I met her on the site here three years ago and while I was attracted to the sight of her naked body... I also learned that I liked talking to her. I do like a certain type of woman. I hope when she reads this she will understand my point, but I have always been attracted to the nerdy girl. The quiet one who sits back to let all of the girls run around. I love her biting sarcasm and wit.

There's also this other side to her. The vixen, the seductress and the sub. She may be mousy, but the side of her that I have come to know is exciting, beautiful and naked. She wants things and will ask for things to be done to her. I love to have her lay on her belly across the bed and kiss the back of her legs and straight up to her round beautiful ass. I love to hear her breath become stunted and labored before as slight moan escapes her throat.. She lifts and adjusts herself as she...

WHOA, excuse me I got caught up there in a memory.

Most of all, I get lost in her blue-green eyes. I tend to look into her eyes and see things that I shouldn't. She nervously asks what I'm thinking and I realize that I have been staring into her eyes for too long without saying anything. All I can do is kiss her.

I don't have a thing to say because my defenses kick in.
1 comment
Premptive Valentine's Strike
Posted:Feb 11, 2019 7:11 pm
Last Updated:Feb 17, 2019 3:37 pm

Is it wrong to accuse your gf of cheating on you a couple of days before Valentine's Day?

I'm going to forgive her on Saturday anyway, what's the big deal??

As an artist, it's hard to live up to Van Gogh's Valentine's Day gift. He sliced off his ear and presented it to her in a box. She just thought it was the ugliest ring ever and he was left there wondering if she didn't like it because it was the wrong color or not the right size.

Anyway, i was just going to give her a card.. thanks to Van Gogh for raising the bar. I'm not patting down my body trying think of which appendage i need the least just so she can think I'm being thoughtful.

What is Valentine's Day for you?
I learned to avoid dinner at nice sit down establishments where i don't have to carry a tray. All of the good movies are crowded, but sometimes i like a nice long walk on a cold February night.
That might sound selfish and cheap, and I'm not going to argue with you. I just don't want to shout over the noise of everyone else's night out.

I'm thinking of one night in particular before i was kicked out of art school. I actually was penniless and we both wanted a hot from the park downtown. The streets were still crowded so we cut through the Riverwalk that runs through downtown. We finally came back up to the sidewalk level where the ceowds were thinned out.

We got to tge hot car and ordered. We settled down in a spot and ate while we continued our conversation about nothing in particular, but engaging enough for us never to notice the time pass by. The cold never bothered us and i remember her frosted breath highlighted in the light under the lamp post.

That lamp post is still there down town and i still think about that kiss she never should have given me. I don't even remember the dumb i was back then... but i know that i wouldn't have gotten chili on that hot if i knew how long i would remember that night.
Fathers and Sons, Truck Driving and Depression: The Molotov Cocktail of Fun
Posted:Feb 10, 2019 6:40 am
Last Updated:Feb 17, 2019 3:42 pm

I wrote the entire blog post and went to post it to my blog and poof.. it was gone. Like dust in the wind..

I'm pretty sure this will be nothing like the original draft, but here we go...

Yesterday, I found myself in a conversation with a woman online here. I try not to speak about my interactions here, i know people put themseves on the line here and are sensitive to seeing their thoughts in other people's blog or rant.. So I'm going to tread lightly and keep the details vague.

When you are speaking to someone do you ever get an overshared backstory that leaves you convinced that you're going to walk away with herpes... or wake up in a bath tub full of ice with a note urging you to go have that missing kidney looked at by a professional.

This time there was enough personal tragedy laced into this story to make you realize why some of her decisions in life were valid at the time. But also enough to give you a broader picture of the scenario that you are dealing with.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I got a friend request from another woman who proudly declares that she is too good for a site like this. Which I couldn't exactly argue with and applauded her for her brashness. We chatted and exchanged pic and even moved our conversation to a more reliable platform. Then I realized, I started to get nothing but one syllable word responses. I just politely removed myself from the conversation and wished her luck finding what she is looking for. It obviously isn't me, but who am I to fault her for that?

Which made me start to think.. Maybe I'm too good for this site too. I mean, I may be just another faceless guy here with a bunch of dick pics.. but I think we should all ask ourselves this question. Just for perspective.

These two interactions made me wonder what I'm doing here. Not necessarily in a bad way, but maybe I should just pull back from meeting new people.

Soooo, this is post #100 and an unofficial end to Volume 3: The Prince of Persuasia.

Stay tuned for Volume 3: The Coconut Oil Chronicles. This volume will follow me through my path to quit looking like a person that just ate a ghost pepper after having sex.
Devil's Advocate
Posted:Feb 5, 2019 9:25 pm
Last Updated:Feb 10, 2019 2:53 pm
Well, this one went off like a fart in church, so why not not toss this one into the box of farts known as...

My blog.

I've had to curb this behaviour, but i like to get into a lot of pointless verbal spats with Trump supporters. Doesn't matter how many facts or stats that i present, their response is always going to be,

"Fuck you, Hilary cuck snowflake!!"


It doesn't matter what is going on in the current political climate. They're just going to deflect to Hilary, Bill, and Obama. Just as a reminder, Hilary Clinton did not win the election and is sitting at home with Bill sipping on the tears of the MAGA wearing kool aid drinking spin doctors that still can't get over her emails. Not after Ivanka, Jared and Trump himself got slapped with the same scandal over the summer for using personal devices to make unsecured phone calls.

So, as i was watching a string of typical republican jabs.. i started think of the short sightedness of the typical Trump supporter. Facts don't matter to them and most are willing to go to great lengths to protect themselves from facts that don't agree with their own personal narrative. So, they stick to a prescribed list of deflections to avoid answering for Trump's idiotic behavior. All of them ranging from and limited to Hilary, Obama and Bill.

But what about Jimmy Carter?

That peanut eating Georgia goof nearly tanked this economy and was an ineffevtive leader during a deficit that left us unemployed and waiting in lines for gasoline. He was too passive to negotiate his way out of a wet paper bag let alone hostages taken by terrorists. The nation was in the clutches of a new terror threat as extremists discovered that they could hijack planes and make demands of governments around the world.

All of the Trump supporters lack the memory of Carter as presdident and actually miss an opportunity to make a valid point in a conversation about deflection when Trump shows up kicking a puppy into a woman's vagina on the news.


Post #99
Ohhh, You Too?
Posted:Feb 4, 2019 7:43 am
Last Updated:Feb 8, 2019 7:04 am
Has anyone ever considered what it must be like for a celebrity who dies and then gets upstage by a bigger celebrity's death later that same afternoon?

I didn't really have much after that as far a as a blog post. I just figured that i might as well round out my blog to 100 and call that an even end to Volume 3. The first two volumes would be the undocumented deleted posts from about four years ago and the short luved blog that i started under a different screen name until this site determined that i did not draw any of the material that i present here... yet others can just cut and paste material that they never had a hand in creating.. go figure.

Anyway.. that's not what this is about..

There was a super bowl or something last night?

I actually spent the evening watching a bunch of videos on the yoo toob of a chiropractor cracking backs and joints which turned out to be strangely gratifying to watch. This morning i watched all of the good commercials on YooToob as well this morning, so i don't feel like i missed much at all. I also heard that both teams were playing like they knew that the winner would have to go to the McWhite House for hamberders and fries.

In other news, i made only one resolution this year. To be able to tie my shoes and breathe at the same time. I can say that i am no longer being found face down and ass up at the edge of the bed unconscious anymore as of this week.
I Hope All of Your Favorite Bands Never Break Up
Posted:Jan 31, 2019 8:06 am
Last Updated:Feb 10, 2019 8:06 am
Only Trump can reopen the government for a limited time.. like it's the fucking McRib.

I'm not one to share a lot of current personal information, but i may come back around and share a story of fondness for what is currently going on.

I also get really leery of people who just started reading my blog and think that they're welcomed to drop little turds here. I realized that i ended up on the list of Actve Male Bloggers a few weeks ago and just decided to take a step back and let people forget about this blog completely.

I'm not here to join in any of your reindeer games, or even punch the blog bullies in the face. I really could care less about the authors and heathens of the world.. and I'm not interested in allowing them to run the narrative when they're not even in the room.


I'm going back to work.

You guys enjoy your blog drama and I'll be back whenever i feel like writing something about nothing.
Dancing on the Edge of a Razor
Posted:Jan 20, 2019 7:31 am
Last Updated:Jan 23, 2019 5:44 am

Have you checked out that new Gillette commercial?

I'm pretty sure y'all know which one.. the one that calls out toxic male syndrome.

If you really love women, you shouldn't have a problem with the message of that commercial. Apparently, that isn't the case with some guys who are burning their razors as a means of protest. Gillette has joined the pyre built from Kappernick jersies, and Kuerig coffee machines and any other product that has called men out for having fragile egos.

I understand that there are some psycho feminists out there that want every single man to apologize to them for simply having a penis. This Gillette ad doesn't speak for them.

I think that ad speaks to us as men that doesn't strip us of a single thing, except to treat women better. Some of you guys that are pissed off about women being flakes and fakes might get a little further on this site if you actually spoke to a woman on an even level. You can call me any name you like, but you're the one striking out every single time, not me.

I don't understand the need to lash out in that way. If you're not behaving this way, then what's with the anger???

If you think Gillette just needs to stick to selling razors.. i think you're right. I just can't wait for Budweiser to do the same thing.
Glazed and Confused
Posted:Jan 16, 2019 3:53 pm
Last Updated:Jan 17, 2019 5:57 am
I've been going on and on about the masturbatory benefits of using coconut oil for a month now. But if you're going to let a lover or girlfriend go crazy with it in the shower.. be sure that you rinse your shower thoroughly.
Grow the Fuck Up Already
Posted:Jan 14, 2019 8:14 am
Last Updated:Jan 20, 2019 1:07 am
I had a long taxing Saturday and needed all of Sunday to recover from spending an entire day surrounded by a bunch of fucking grown up men that still believe that buying toys is a quality investment for themselves.

These guys walk up and look around at my artwork and items, then launch into this long rant about how Disney is attaking their poor fragile sensibilities by making super hero and sci i movies that don't speak to them. At first, i just chuckle and dismiss their rant, but after five guys come up and start bitchng about the same thing. I get impatient and i let my real opinions out without as much regard for their feelings as they have for mine. I'll cut them off in mid sentence and declare,

Star Wars has been and always will be a movie for 6 year olds. You're 49 , you have 1,500 dollars worth of action figures and no woman to tell you to zip up your pants. Being angry about Star Wars is just misdirected anger about you not being able to move away from your own childhood.

Star Trek sucks and always will. The older guys will try to give you their manifesto about why the 1963 show is still vastly superior to the new movies despite having none of the required science for a science fiction show. As Captain Kirk, William Shatner was a joke of masculinity and bravado that ran and punched like a woman with a purse. The stories were fucking stupid too, anyone who can sit through the episode, Spock's Brain, just is not being intellectually honest with themselves.

The fact that these guys just want to hang around my table and spit out vitriol about everything that they are there to worship is just exhausting. Aside from that, i kick them away from my table if they start harrassing the women there dressed up like Sailor Moon or whatever character in tight spandex. My advice to them is, Act like you have seen a woman before Instead of blurting out the most inappropriate thing that makes a woman recoil and leave my table without buying something.

These guys are EVERY WHERE!

Nothing will appease these dateless nerds.

The show, The Big Bang Theory, gives Incel nerds the wrong idea about how to approach women. All of these stupid out of shape, pimple faced weaklings think that if they pursue an attractive woman long enough, that she will eventually concede and fall madly in love with them...

...or slap them with a restraining order.

They never consider showering, or expanding their world view to include something other than an encyclopedic knowledge of comic books, and television shows. They never put any effort into doing their own laundry and smelling like a moldy old towel is perfectly fine for them.

These guys are fucking LAZY. But somehow, supposed to feel entitled to sit with them and listen to their bullshit about how women just don't get them.

But the asshole when i tell them the truth.

Grow the fuck up.

Anyway, here i with the Starship, The Millennium Galactica from the show, Space 1999.
My Dinner with an Ex Con
Posted:Jan 12, 2019 6:44 am
Last Updated:Jan 12, 2019 3:20 pm

I used to work at a local radio rock station in town. I handled the early morning shift from 2 am to 5 am, then carried over to the morning show to do the news and sit in on some banter.

So, being on air during the time when most bad stuff happens. Sometimes, i would find myself doing an impromptu therapy session with a lonely drunk caller or invited out to parties that didn't end till the balcony collapsed.

I only got this job because the program director thought that i was funny and i didn't stutter on air.

So, as i would talk between songs and at times to fill in some dead air, i would get calls from women that were up way too late. So, i ended up dating women that were bold enough to call me up.
A lot of times, it wasn't a good match and i began to take calls less and less. One of the last dates that i went on was with a dark haired woman a little older than me. She met me at a restaurant that wasn't too fancy, but i didn't have to carry a tray to the table.
When our food came to the table, she casually mentioned that the waitress was looking at me and if she continued, that there would be a scene. I carefully assured her that the waitress was only doing her job.

She settled and the surrounded her plate with her elbows and proceeded to eat her food. She began to tell me about being in prison for two years and this was her first real date in months. Lucky me.

She stripped the chicken on her plate down like a swarm of piranha and asked if i wanted to go back to her place.

I slowly declined but she still called me a pussy and i have to admit.. She was right.

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