Hooct Un Foniks Wurct For Me
Just some random meanderings about life, love and the pursuit of happiness. A place where everything i do and say is right.

*Spelling and Punctuation Optional
Keywords | Title View | Refer to a Friend |
The Tickler
Posted:Jun 19, 2019 5:11 am
Last Updated:Jul 4, 2019 6:51 pm
I really have met a lot of great people here. I have been lucky to have a certain type of person gravitate into my own weird sphere.

So, this person i a pretty good friend and she puts up with a lot from me. It's not often that i run into domeone who is usually up as early as i am and just as stoned too. This is more of a tribute to how funny she is, smart and all around sexy in that strange quasi-platonic relationship.

I tried something different here and not quite sure if i pulled it off, but i wanted to do that soft etherreal light and i may have lost the effect in the darker shades, but that's just me.
Doodles and Sketches
Posted:May 22, 2019 3:35 am
Last Updated:Jun 21, 2019 7:33 pm
This is not much of a post. This is just a post to show off some of the stuff I've been doing.

The first is in memoriam for, Tardar Sauce AKA Grumpy Cat, who passed away at the early age of 7.

The next is just an out of frame doodle started because i was just staring at a blank art board for too long without any progress on anything.

Long Hot Throbbing Nights
Posted:Apr 7, 2019 4:15 am
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2019 5:17 am

You know..

I figured out that if i lace my blog titles with some innuendo.. then my posts go from 23 views to 300.. this blig post was an experiment.. lol

I just spent the last couple of days huddled up under some blankets with a sinus infection. Friday, i didn't move out of bed all day or night..so of course, the first thing i did Saturday was get up and look into the mirror to see if i had turned into a roach.

For that, i blame reading Kafka at an early age for leaving an impression on me.

Wednesday of last week, i had to go out for a meeting that ended up with a tour of a museum with discussions on the next installation exhibit. During the sit down portion of the meeting, i felt a snap along my waist and something loosened. I sat there wondering what happened but still focused on the meeting. At the conclusion of the proposal, we all stood up and walked down the hallway. That's when i realized the elastic on my boxer briefs snapped. As i walked down the hallway, i could feel my briefs starting to creep down my hips. There were people walking behind me, next to me and ahead of me, so there was no discreet way of making an adjustment.

By the time we reached the end of the hallway, my underwear was now bunched up around my thighs and holding fast with the elastic at the bottom.. i felt like i looked like Dick Van Dyke during the penguin dance in Mary Poppins, but no one seemed to notice.

The meeting continued and it didn't seem like my underwear could fall any lower. Then here was the scaffold that i had to climb for measurements of the wall space and that's when i encountered the issues. I couldn't lift my leg up high enough to climb.

I had to excuse myself. I went to the men's room and ditched the underwear and returned to the meeting and was able to sketch out a draft. The whole time wondering.. will they notice?

I don't know if freeballing is for me tho.. I'm really not a fan of feeling the denim directly on me, and it's a little awkward. For me anyway.

So busted underwear and fever dreams that never go as expected this weekend.
1 comment
The Masturbating Man: Myth or Legend?
Posted:Apr 4, 2019 2:56 pm
Last Updated:Mar 11, 2021 5:17 pm

Well, the weather is finally warming up and it is time for me to go to the local nudist resort.

There is actually a new community mandate that has banned all single males from the property without a companion. I used to go out there as a single male but usually maintained a healthy relationship with everyone there without falling to my male trappings.

Is it unfair, maybe? But if an entire community voted unanimously to ban single males then there must have been a universal problem with them. That is not that point of this post though...

I do want to go back out this summer after missing out for the last couple of years due to just scheduling and work demands. The added hitch was to fins someone willing to come out with me and trust me not to make this any more difficult than it had to be.

So, to build my case, I went to go for some reviews on the property. There was the usual mixed bag of reviews, but I noticed one recurring complaint.

The Masturbating Man.

Now, the Masturbating Man is not in plain site of everyone, like people who complain about him like to elude. The community there are all well behaved adults and there is a huge lifestyle community there as well.. These are not the people in question. The people who leave these scathing reviews of The Masturbating Man leave out the location where they encountered him.

The notorious Play Room.

There is a seldom used room on the property for the newbies who haven't learned the discipline or the impulse control to get through the day without having sex. When you venture into that room, you will discover that it is a den that was last decorated in 1972 and scattered with nudie magazines from the 70s up to the late 90s. Entering this room is definitely at your own risk and when you first see The Masturbating Man, you wonder if he is a hallucination like the old woman in the bath tub in, The Shining. He sits there unflinching because he discovered that any sudden movements will startle those that are venturing in on a dare.

This is the world of The Masturbating Man.. sitting in silent nudity.

The people who complain about him on the internet are complaining about entering someone else's world. Invasively, at times. So, who are they to judge the creature that he has become?

So.. a friend will come out with me this time around. Whether or not she wants to come out again will depend on how she feels about skinny dipping in the sun, but we won't be encountering The Masturbating Man.
Public Transportation Narc
Posted:Apr 2, 2019 6:50 am
Last Updated:Apr 4, 2019 1:25 pm
A few years ago, my car broke down on me and i had to complete some errands that required some bus travel. The public transit system in my city is actually pretty good, clean and efficient. I get to stop along the way and do things that i would notvhave taken the time to do.. like eat a hot in the park alone on a bench, fed the pigeons and talked with people that i would have never met on my own.

This day, i was sitting quietly minding my own business. An elderly lady sat in front of me and these two teenaged boys got on the bus along the way. These two got on the bus giggling and excitedly pleased with themselves. They stood up clutching and huddled up around the handle bars looking compulsive into a wallet. I could smell it as soon as they stepped on board, because when you are a stoner.. you can smell the slightest hint of sativa in the air the same way a shark sniffs a drop of blood two miles away.

The ride continued and these boys continued to giggle, look around then go back to looking at the stash they were hiding in the wallet. Eventually, their behaviour annoyed the elderly lady sitting ahead of me. She got up and moved to sit with me by the window. The boys saw this and sat in front of us while the woman scoffed. I just turned to her and gave her a reassuring smile.

She didnt quite know what to make of my grin from her expression. All i had to say was, "It's okay, ma'am. They're just scoring their first bag of dope, but as soon as they get caught, they'll straighten up."

I just meant that they looked like harmless doing something that they are not used to doing..... BUT.. through the filter of a paranoid he heard, WE ARE GOING TO BE BUSTED!

His giggling immediately stopped and i literally watched the hair on the back of his neck stand up. His friend kept giggling and thumbing at the stash in the wallet and got elbowed in the ribs. I also saw the less than obvious nod my way and i realized the game was afoot! The lady sitting next to me must have noticed vecause her annoyance level dropped immediately.
The two boys sat there motionless and silent now. One of them intermittently turning back slowly to discover me with my eyes sternly locked on them every few minutes escalated everything.. The lady was now grinning at me as well.

I had a feeling they were headed to the mall that was five stops away, so i figured it was time for the coup de grace. I took out my phone and mocked a quiet phone call..

"This is Agent Wonkers en route to Ingram mall. I have the perps in sight and ready to apprehend. When the bus stops at the mall, your agents are cleared to storm the bus and remove the perps."

As soon as i said, Agent, their heads tilted at the words and immediately started to shift in their seats. They leaned forward and concocted their escape from justice and immediately rang the stop bell. I saw them toss their stash on the bench and as soon as the bus came to a halt, they ran out of the bus and straight down the sidewalk at full speed.

The lady sitting next to me burst out into laughter immediately as soon as they hit the doors. While we laughed, i reached over the seat and grabbed the stash left behind and assured the lady that i would dispose of it before it fell into the wrong hands.

It was now in the right hands and i properly disposed of it by burning it in tiny doses.
Fool on the Hill
Posted:Apr 1, 2019 5:03 am
Last Updated:Apr 2, 2019 5:07 pm
Well, it's April 1st and i won't be doing anything this year for a prank.

I have perpetrated many pranks in my day.

year, i had a terrible neighbor who would blast his giant stereo all hours. So loud, that if knocked on his door and 3000 decibels of Creed and Rock would continue. Sick and tired of it and his lack of response... i dragged a plastic trash can full of water and leaned it up against his door and just waited. Within a few hours, i heard a big thump and a loud F-bomb downstairs and knew the trap worked. days later he was still trying to dry out his carpet.

Another time, i smeared Nutella on te inside of the door handle to get out of the men's room at the all that i used to have a shop in.

I have used the Peel Remote on my phone to turn of the televisions during a big football games at bars and the mall... just to hears the chorus of, AWWWWWWWWWWWWs.

I threw those popper snaps over a partial wall into another person's shop to scare them over the course of days. By the time i was done, that person was circling their shop with a hammer.

Recently, i turned up Hansen's M'Bop on a constant loop and turned the volume up then spun my speaker around to wake up my noisy neighbor.

I scared a former room mate so bad one night, he believes an alien tried to take him in the night.

I have always loved pranks. Just not the pranks that cause harm and screw those fake lottery tickets... those are MEAN.

Attached, is a painting that i saw downtown that i have called, Lowrider Jeff Goldblum.
1 comment
Extreme Close Up Nude Pics
Posted:Mar 31, 2019 1:58 pm
Last Updated:Mar 31, 2019 9:03 pm
Why do i get catfished so much?

Because, i think it's fun.

If you can not get a topless picture from a woman on this site, then there is something severely wrong with the carnival ride you're operating. Time to shut it the ride down for some repairs.

I love banter.. a lot may not understand my banter, but it can get wayyyyy out there. I can throw out some conversational soft balls to someone pretending to be a woman and if they try to steer everything back to sex and me sending pics... it's probably a dude.

Some women will just get bored and move on, but men will try to keep it going because they think if they menrion sex enough times.. eventually i will break and start sending dick pics.

For the women that get bored.. i do apologize. I would just rather let you know now before layer that I'm kinda not dumb... and i know a lot about Star Wars and cartoons.

Even if it all goes right and we end up looking at ourselves in the mirrored ceiling, bathed in the red neon lights of the motel we found.. basking in our own glow. I'm still going to lean down and kiss your forehead and ask you..

"Do you think Han Solo should have just taken off and not looked back?"

Anyway.. attached is the close up nude pic that i send out now.
The Greatest Blog Post in the World
Posted:Mar 31, 2019 7:16 am
Last Updated:Mar 31, 2019 1:27 pm

.... was actually the one that i wrote this morning.

Then the site swallowed up the post as i hit Add.

There is a reason that i don't write erotica... it sucks. My epic erotic porn was called Eatapuss Rex and was probably a little too lofty for the time.

Anyway... i had anotger post in mind this morning that is all dust in the wind, because i never think too hard about the flow of what hits the keyboard.
1 comment
Are you Point Worthy?
Posted:Mar 29, 2019 4:41 am
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2019 8:14 pm

As a standard member.. i don't get the opportunity to read or screen my messages here without dropping points on someone to become one of their top 3 fans. The longer i have been here, i have been widdling down the list of valid reasons that i should drop the points on someone.

At this point, i won't even look at a message if she's 24 years old when the lighting and framing on her enticing nude pic is a little too well produced. I also like to think that i am savvy enough here to spot the tell-tales pretty fast when i am being catfished. At that point, i am a cat with a ball of thread... a little bored but interested enough to keep on batting the conversation back and forth until they just give up.

Sometimes, i play into the idea that i am a shiftless artist looking for a couch to sleep on for the next month then insist on giving them the private information they were baiting me for in the first place.

Other times, i start talking like i am so desperate for human contact of any kind that they suddenly stop sending messages. Which is kind of cruel on their part if you really think about that.. lol

Sometimes, my first response is... OMG, i just came!

When they ask for clarification i respond with, OMG, i just came again..!

I think I've circumvented the need to respond to anonymous messages here. I have made my way through the chat rooms and the blogs and have had a better opportunity to present myself as i am better with those methods.

Also, thank you to TicklePlease for donating some points to the cause. I was able to meet a really cool person that has inspired some really naughty things going on around here.
Half Naked Thursday
Posted:Mar 27, 2019 10:41 pm
Last Updated:Nov 4, 2021 3:58 pm
Just because i don't play any reindeer games. I also don't do this very often, but i got a wild hair.
Strange Truth
Posted:Mar 25, 2019 2:59 am
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2019 5:23 am

Well, as i was doing my research for an article on Roger Stone i disco ered a hilarious truth about Roger Stone.

The truth is, i was already making fun of Roger Stone before this and i needed a new angle for the article, so i went digging for another tidbit from his past that i could use.

Turns out, and i can't believe that i missed this before, but Roger Stone was forced to resign from Bob Dole's presidential campaign after news broke out that Stone and his wife had several ads out in Swinger publications looking for well endowed males to join them in bed.

Which brings to my next point about Roger Stone.

How annoying do you think Roger Stone is as a swinger?

Would that clip art tattoo of Richard Nixon throw you off in bed..? As a swinging single adult , sure you would be forced to have that tattoo stare back at you as you top Roger Stone. Not that putting myself into that position, but if i were.. i might just spit on his back and tell him i came really hard.. then pick up my pile of clothes and dignity to walk .

Maybe that's .

Did we see this all along in Roger Stone's public persona? He dresses like a flamboyant villain from a Batman comic in the 60s and acts like a catty bitch whenever someone brings up Hilary.
Suddenly, Everyone is a 21 Savage Fan
Posted:Mar 6, 2019 4:45 am
Last Updated:Mar 9, 2019 5:37 am
Well, today is the day that Catholics remind us all that they are in a creepy cult. This is also the day that i hand out a bunch of wet naps and tell people that they have something smudged on their foreheads.
Posted:Feb 22, 2019 6:34 am
Last Updated:Feb 24, 2019 12:43 pm

My neighbor spent the better part of the night awake and literally howling and barking at the moon. So, I woke up really early this morning and turned on Hansen's M'Bop to 11 and flipped the speakers around to face his wall.

That song has been on rotation now for about half an hour and I can't tell if he hates it or loves it... he's banging on the wall but in tempo with the song.

All of that just reminded me of what would happen when i was caught up with all of my work for the day and bored out of my mind. I discovered my phone came with a default app that was to be used to replace the remote control for your television. I am not a fan of Fox News, so i discovered that I could change the channel on the television with this app. The television that I would watch was directly outside of my shop and above the center of couches for exhausted shoppers.

I discovered that when i switched the channel, sooner or later one of the security guards would come by to change the channel back to the original channel. Originally, I would wait till he went back down the escalators and would switch it back to what I preferred.


One day I was bored, and i was not in the mood to wait for the security guard to walk away.. I was watching a movie and it was at the good part. I switched it back and the security guard stopped in his tracks and looked at the tv.. he switched it back.. and I immediately changed the channel again. At this point, I no longer cared about the movie and was now focused on the security guard that was stunned and standing there in awe. I watched him look at the tv and then down to the remote in his hand. He walked away confused, but he walked away..

I was on to something.

Every Sunday during football season, men would gather in the area below the television to watch the big game while their wives shopped without the interruption of having someone breathing heavy behind them impatiently. I would wait for the crescendo of cheers start to swell and then I would turn off the TV.... just to listen to the chorus of disappointed AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWs. Then turn it back on as they all scrambled for the next TV downstairs in the food court. As soon as they would all settle in again, I would switch it off again.

Other times, I would catch the security guard standing in front of the TV watching the game. I would switch the channel just to watch him snap to attention as if he were working the whole time.

To link to this blog (CynicusMaximus) use [blog CynicusMaximus] in your messages.

50 M
January 2022
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat

Recent Visitors

Visitor Age Sex Date
STILLYUMMY  62/62C2/26
Milpitasdrone  50M2/12
Drgnfire12 56/54C2/11
CL_Love  49/48C1/27
spunkycumfun 62/67C1/27
OurSecret119  50M1/27
sexyldy1000 65F1/27
safefun2017  70M1/27
staci_19702 51T1/27

Most Recent Comments by Others

Post Poster Post Date
Art Post: I See Dead Celebrities (13)spunkycumfun
Jan 27, 2022 9:19 am
Art Post: Gah DAYUM, 2022!! (5)CL_Love
Jan 13, 2022 10:01 am
Sweeny Todd Portraits (8)bustinout20202
Jan 6, 2022 9:38 am
Naked Celebrity Pressed Ham (3)TicklePlease
Jan 6, 2022 5:32 am
Betty White. Always Leave Them Wanting More.. (4)CL_Love
Jan 5, 2022 9:52 am
Portrait Post (3)citizen4722
Dec 29, 2021 1:14 pm
Cruella (12)bustinout20202
Dec 27, 2021 11:48 am
Banana Republic (4)TicklePlease
Jan 8, 2021 7:42 pm
2020, The Year in Review (6)Naughtypursuit
Jan 4, 2021 3:28 pm
Hey look, LEGS! (2)luciegirl2
Jun 29, 2020 3:18 pm
Art Fart (7)SakuraMar
May 1, 2020 1:18 am