Hooct Un Foniks Wurct For Me
Just some random meanderings about life, love and the pursuit of happiness. A place where everything i do and say is right.

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The Dawn of Civilization
Posted:Mar 22, 2020 8:16 am
Last Updated:Aug 9, 2022 1:58 pm

I recently read an article discussing the actual dawn of civilization. When did civilization actually begin?

Some argue, with great credibility that civilization began when humans began to farm and herd animals. Some believe that civilization began once we began to engineer buildings and dwellings.

One researcher produced a femur of a early human specimen. The femur had a distinct break that had been mended and healed. This researcher debated that this was the dawn of true civilization. When we took the time to care for our injured. Before, we were simply left on a rock in the forrest to die. The rest of the herd kept on moving without them.

Fast forward to the dawn of the end of man.

Our first instinct is to step over those in need and move on with the herd again. Not only do we step over those in need, we look at them with disgust and contempt. We are led by a chest thumping mongrel idiot who does nothing but think of himself. Squandering the riches built by others as if it was all his to spend. He grasps at everything he desires and takes from us at will.

Journal Entry #2 of the Rise of the Roaches and Fall of Man.
The Fall of Man
Posted:Mar 12, 2020 7:08 am
Last Updated:Aug 9, 2022 1:58 pm

This electronic journal was written on the 12th day of March in the 2020th year from the calendar of man.

President Nero continues to play his violin while the country burns and his rabid fan base are still cheering for every note he plays.

Meanwhile, in the real world.. we have a brand new global pandemic . Our infrastructure has been cut off at the knees. The CDC has been dismantled and now we have a bunch of scientists that fear giving the bad news to a president that has no grasp of the information given to him aside from how it damages his platform going into an election.

I have watched enough science fiction movies and read the novels and I can recognize the signs of the end of man. I have seen Rise of the Planet of the Apes enough times to know that the signs are clearly on the wall, and I would like to take my opportunity here to swear my undying loyalty and allegiance to our new monkey overlords.

I just ask that my cage in the Hooman Zoo will be comfortable and just have an art table set up.

All Hail Our New Monkey Overlord, Bobo the Magnanimous.
CynicusMaximus vs The People
Posted:Feb 27, 2020 10:24 am
Last Updated:Aug 9, 2022 1:58 pm

What can I say?

I've always been an anti-social of a bitch.

I used to enjoy this blog spot when it was my little oasis to share my own thoughts on sex n stuff.. but then it became this nice little cathartic thing I did to air out some of my past grievances and times when I didn't stick the landing on how to act around women.

Then, little by little.. people started to read this shit. The they started to interact and leave comments. At one point, I started to "date" one of the bloggers on this site and became a sitcom star in a show for all to see in the blogverse. When it ended, it ended badly and for everyone to see.

So, I withdrew...

Little by little, i have returned to this blog, but the magic was gone for me. I just felt like I was doing this song and dance for those who remembered what this was all about in the beginning.

Even when I left the blogs here and entered the chat rooms.. i thought I had found a new spot to occupy.. I made a new circle of internet perverts to interact with.. then people started to get all passive-aggressive again when perceived feelings were hurt. People had their accounts canceled because someone else reported them for certain violations.. just to get rid of them. Gossip got spread around and smear campaigns are perpetuated in whispers on IM or other chat platforms.

Pretty much the same thing that happens in the blogverse.

I just have a big problem with passive-aggressiveness and it seems to seep into everything on this site. I still participate in the chat rooms here from time to time, but I am reserved and withdrawn. If some douchebag in Bugtussle, TN wants to get pissed off at me because the woman in Manitoba Ontario, Canada said, Hello, to me.. that is his perrogative. All I do is waste good sarcasm in those chat rooms anyway and I'm never going to act like one of those Louis C.K. wannabes that are hanging out on cam showing off their pale white bellies while struggling to maintain an erection..

On the blog, I was doing fine without anyone leaving comments. I was fine when I thought no one was reading this bullshit.

Back to the basics.. Back to the dirty basement where this blog belongs.
She Did WHAT In My Bed??!!
Posted:Feb 24, 2020 11:52 am
Last Updated:Aug 9, 2022 1:58 pm

Whenever I hear men talk about how they are envious of their dogs because they can lick their own balls and dic. All I can think tell them is, I bet that feels a LOT more like you are sucking a dick than getting your dick sucked.

While I work, I usually keep YooToob playing in the background on videos ranging from political news to Historical documentaries and every thing else that falls in between while the Auto-Play goes.

The other day I went down the rabbit hole on the story of the divocrce between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard and HOLEEEEEEEY SHIT!!

Johnny Depp found himself with a tiger by the tail with Amber Heard, who has to be the world's worst ex by now. That spot had been reserved for Sean Young, who allegedly super glued James Woods' penis to his thigh. But now, we have Amber Heard.. who's highjinks include sneaking her into Australia, Getting completely drunk and stupid at several events and assaulting Johnny Depp, then gaslighting everyone into believing that Johnny Depp was the one beating her. Johnny Depp had to remind her that she cut off the tip of his finger in one of her incidents where Amber Heard repeatedly tries to convince him that she threatened him out of love.

Amber Heard infamously showed up to court to file a restraining order on Johnny Depp. Court records, CC Footage, posts and talk show appearances later determined that Amber Heard had a make up artist create bruises that later showed be inconsistent with real injuries.

After this court appearance, her parents called up Johnny Depp apologize profusely for their 's behavior towards him. Offered their love and support to him during the crisis. Amber Heard began to try to call Johhny Depp to settle the divorce case due to evidence appearing to show that Amber Heard was the abuser.

She began to threaten him and repeatedly tell Johnny Depp that no one would believe him, if he went to the press with the truth. Even stating that she could never knock him down when she tried to punch him and shove him as an example of his dominance over her.. but Johnny Depp never hit Amber Heard. In fact, Johnny Depp did what he could to de-escalate the situations leaving Amber Heard even more infuriated and irrational with rage.

After Johnny Depp was late for Amber Heard's birthday party, she punched Johnny Depp in the face prompting him to leave the premises and stay some place safe. An enraged Amber Heard then stood up on his side of the bed and took a rather healthy shit.

Now.. any rational person would use the quiet time to come down from their anger and talk themselves down from doing something crazy.

Not Amber Heard.

Amber Heard had time to think this through.. when she stood up on the bed. When she dropped her underwear and while she squatted down on the bed. Nothing rational went through Amber Heard's head as she squatted there with that one vein in her forehead bulging out, red faced and pinching off that growler.

Later, the house maid walked in and found the dookie and called management. Building policy is that the bed must be removed and replaced for health issues. That staff testified to her erratic behaviour which included drunken rants at staff, CC footage of Amber Heard stumbling around drunken and drugged up and littering the building with garbage thrown as she walks into the elevator.

While, Johnny Depp was in Europe filming a movie. Amber Heard snuck James Franco into the penthouse that Johnny Depp furnished and paid for. In fact, all of Amber Heard's friends lived in the four other penthouse apartments rent free, because Johnny Depp took the entire floor. All of those friends, btw, testified and perjured themselves in court lying on Amber Heard's behalf.

If Amber Heard gets nothing in the divorce settlement, then the fun parade ends and all of these loafers have to move out and get real places to live.

Amber Heard DID show up with very real bruises after a tryst with millionaire and futurist, Elon Mus Elon was snuck into the penthouse paid for by Johnny Depp and was reported leaving the next morning looking disheveled and rough looking early the following morning. At this time, Amber Heard had been seen acting erratic and lethargic in the lobby. All of this came out in testimony in court.

If you watch the deposition of Amber Heard, it is an interview with an insane person who believes that if she keeps repeating the same lie, eventually it will be true.

The worst though, is that Amber Heard made the talk show circuit and did interviews where she painted herself as a survivor of domestic abuse. Repeatedly saying in interviews that Johnny Depp abused her both physically and mentally. Living on the shoulder of victims of real abuse and painting herself as someone to aspire to by real victims.

This is what got her sued by Johnny Depp for defamation. And it's a pretty good case for Johnny given the mountain of evidence that is stacked against Amber Heard.

Now, if I see her in a movie.. all I see is her shitting on a bed.
Ashes to Ashes
Posted:Oct 26, 2019 9:49 am
Last Updated:Aug 9, 2022 1:58 pm

I'm going have an actor burst into my funeral and announce that he has regenerated as the new version of and is off fight in the Clone Wars.

Part of is glad that i won't have sift through the relatives and friends that show up and somehow remember the good things about me. That i won't have be the one making promises stay in touch more often, only to fgorget about those promises as soon as i pull away from the cemetery.

I also want my services to be quick and fast enough to get everyone out to the bars fast. That's where the REAL memorial starts. Once a couple of rounds get going, the tension drops and suddenly the tears turn to laughter. Depending on how light hearted a person was, that laughter can carry on for quite a while, before the reality sets in. We will never have more of those moments. Suddenly, everything became a memory because even if we saw him last week, we still didn't hug him like it would be our last chance to hold him close like a brother. No more jokes with a punchline so nerdy that only people in a room would burst out laughing.

I should have let him be Han Solo every once in a while when we were growing up.

The sun still rises the next morning and the ones we leave behind learn deal with the vacuum of the black hole that surrounds the gravity of our absence. Then the sun sets on the next day without us.
At some point though, we get swallowed by time. We may be missed, but the chapter of the story we occupied is over. Sometimes, tragically too soon and our hero's journey comes to an end.

We will take it from here.

Shine on, shine Bright.
Some Just Don't Get the Punch Line
Posted:Oct 12, 2019 5:03 pm
Last Updated:Oct 18, 2020 12:40 pm
“Remember where you came from, where you’re going, and why you created the mess you got yourself into in the first place. You're going to die a horrible death, remember. It's all good training, and you'll enjoy it more if you keep the facts in mind. Take your dying with some seriousness, however. Laughing on the way to your execution is not generally understood by less-advanced life-forms, and they'll you crazy.”
― Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah

anarchist-communist resistant Jean Quarré, pulling faces to the German cameraman while taken to the firing squad. France, 1944.
Waltz #69
Posted:Sep 11, 2019 3:59 pm
Last Updated:Nov 3, 2019 8:34 am

I always find a new avenue to express myself on this site. As of late you can find me loitering around in either the Texas Chat Room or the BBW Chat Room.

I'm not there to get every woman on that site to check out my pale white belly tugging at my crank on other social platforms. Incessantly moving from woman to woman with the same desperate attempt to get a woman to look at his dead mouse trophy penis.

I'm not there to get mixed up into some chat room high school drama either. I don't want to get tangled up into any of these chat room psuedo-romances that come crumbling down as soon as I say, Hello, to someone else.

I'm just there to exercise my wit in real time with people who may not be there to get tangled up either. I am not fond of moving into a private conversation where they sit around and wonder when I'm going to turn into the heat up and start elaborating on what I would like to to do to their body parts.

Not with them, not with strangers who are just going to hang around till they work their own imagination.

I'm not validating myself to anyone in there.

I just want to sit around and talk about the nonsense of the day.

It can be cathartic at times and enlightening. You can see the failure record in real time for all of the Johhny Appleseeds and Harry Hormones on this site as they prance from woman to woman sometimes with the same exact pick up lines. Sometimes, I just imagine the chat room as a bar full of people who are having their own conversations in pockets amongst other conversations. Then here come the guys dressed up in polyester shirts with butterfly collars and tight Jordace jeans, smiling and finger gunning everyone as they bounce their heads popping chewing their gum openly.

Other guys with manners get annoyed with the penis patrol walking to every table asking women having conversations with others if they would like to see their bare penis before giving them a reason to want to even take a peek at it.

Fighting with those guys in the chat room bar setting only calls attention to yourself and you still have to sit down again at your table all rustled up and disheveled. There isn't even any spare change scattered on the floor after one of these chat room bar fights.

I might engage every once in a while, but only when I know that I can end it with one comment.

So, if anyone wants to know what it's like in those chat rooms.. it's a lot like the bar that Luke Skywalker walks into and they don't serve bots.
In the News Today...
Posted:Aug 31, 2019 4:44 am
Last Updated:Oct 12, 2019 7:10 pm

As of tomorrow, August 31st, unsolicited dick pics will not be illegal in the state of Texas. So, if 90% of your charm is to incessantly beg women to look at your dick, this will become known as The Dark Times.

I am not above this... i have a slew of dick pics here. I am an exhibitionist and well.. i try not to show everyone here on the site. The pics are set to friends only and in conversations i like to think everyone assumes i have penis.

In other news.

Donny Johnny Drumpf continues to slide down the greased wall he has created as he goose steps his way into 2020. I'm not totally in agreement with Joe Biden, but i want him to win the primaries just because i know Trump and Biden will just take off their shirts and punch it out on the debate stage. I'm not betting on the pigeon shaped asshole with the hair plug from the drain stuck on his head.

Meanwhile, the democrats still have enough nominees to field a football team with a secondary team.

The Libertarians are remarkably quiet this time around after sending out a stoner D-student and a caprophage as their presidential candidates in 20. Gary Johnson was actually under Harambe in the results because libertarians hate the government so much they refused to vote.

The Libertarians... if the country was the Titanic, the libertarians aren't the panicking passengers looking to escape with their lives. They aren't even the band playing till the very end amidst the chaos. The Libertarians are the ones sitting on the rail laughing at everyone run around pretending they aren't on the same sinking ship.

Also, in the news. Mrs. Perez and her prize winning pumpkin both came to a tragic end as both were rolling down a hill to the state fair.
Tetanus Fun Land
Posted:Aug 5, 2019 4:01 am
Last Updated:Aug 31, 2019 7:02 am

I woke up way too early in the morning, because I have an asshole cat.

I have already sat around watching cartoons, I ate a bowl of cereal and have reminded myself that I am not 9 years old anymore and it's not Saturday.

My mind digressed this morning back to when I was 19 years old and had not flunked out of art school yet. A friend of mine wanted to go apply for a job and he took me along just for the ride. This was a job as a carnival rider operator at a park on the bad side of town on the weekends.
The lot was a gravel filled open space with a few older carnival rides including a roller coaster, bumper cars, ferris wheel and an assortment of kiddie sized rides that were designed with questionable sharp edges.

I did not go to apply for the job, but somehow I got the job and my friend did not. After the five minute safety orientation I was introduced to the work staff. A motley crew of parolees and pirates that all showed me how to stay out of trouble.

I was set on the car ride. Five cars set on a round track with one green button and one red button, simple enough. The catch though, the torque on the motor was so hard, that when you started the ride, all of the cars jerked forward violently leaving every to bang their heads on the head rests. Even adults that were sitting with their would have their heads violently wrenched back like they got rear ended by an 18 wheeler. Sometimes, I would wait for the families to get ready to take their pictures, then hit the start button as soon as they snapped the picture in the hopes that they would capture that moment the jolt hits them all. I was removed from the ride later that day because I was doubled over with laughter

I was pulled into the inner circle at that moment with the workers. Warned not to eat the corn dogs I got the full tour. There was a Haunted House ride that was basically three carts on a track that took on a darkened tour of some mannequins with halloween masks. They kept a boxer's glove inside of the ride so you could hide behind a black curtain and sucker punch some random guy as they got close to an exhibit near the end. You could tell who got it by the confused look and messed up hair.

We had a guy who would come out from behind the ferris wheel with a giant wrench and ask the crowd if it was Right Tightey and Lefty Loosey just as the green button was pushed. The roller coaster was another jolt machine that had a turn so sharp that you felt like you were going to roll out of the seat.

I worked there for two weekends, then my 95 dollar pay check bounced and I didn't bother showing up the following week.
Art Fart
Posted:Jul 31, 2019 6:32 pm
Last Updated:May 24, 2020 5:12 am
Not that I am seeking any kind of sympathy, but I have been trying recover from a knee injury. So, I've been given a molotov cocktail of pills. The truth is.. I LOVE pain killers and have to have them hidden from me. I'm not an addict, I just love use like a motherfucker. I have this super fast metabolism and pills just don't work on me like most people... and when I increase the dose, I might end up taking about pills in just make it through a work day without slowing down.

I understand that sounds like hell of an excuse.

So, I have the pills hidden from me... But at the end of the day, I can't put the pain in the back of my mind.

of the side effects is that I start doing some sleep drawing. It's kind of like some illustration jazz and they just start with a little scribbling that turns into something that I don't know how I did the next morning.

Apparently, sometimes, I just lose control of the beat and start tripping over myself I just give up.

NO ever gets see those failures.

Since people read this blog and I already know them all personally anyway.. Here is of the warts that will never get finished because I don't even know what I did get this point... I mean.. I KNOW, i drew this, but i can never come back a piece and start up again.

It's like trying jump on a moving treadmill.

I'm just going end up shooting right off the treadmill and putting a big hole in the drywall behind me.
My Dick Tastes Like Chocolate.. and i draw too.
Posted:Jul 29, 2019 7:12 am
Last Updated:Jul 30, 2019 6:16 pm
So, I had a whole post that I had written.. Dotted the final period on and then this fucking lousy site chewed it up and it's gone.

I had a totally different blog post that I am not interested in repeating now..

BUT.. this past week, Rutger Hauer passed away. I may be the only person who still watches LadyHawke once a month, but he was always more than Roy Batty to me. I couldn't decide which character i felt he personified the most, so I just went with a candid illustration as himself.
1 comment
I Kick Your BoomBoom Down
Posted:Jul 13, 2019 11:44 am
Last Updated:Jul 14, 2019 8:53 am

I think I have mentioned before that I have had a slew of celebrity encounters through out the my time here on this flat planet we call home.

Back in the 90s, I was in a band.. like everyone else in the 90s. We started in back yards and moved up into bars. Little by little we started to make a name for ourselves on the small local scene. A series of shows landed us a spot opening on the third stage of a music festival during Fiesta, the big party even for the city.

Our band was on first, so we played while the crowd was still trickling into the venue. No big deal, we always did very well as an opening act.

This is not the story though.

We walked off to the backstaging area and things were tight backstage while crews were rushing around to change out the equipment for the next act. That following act happened to be a white rapper from up north who had a catchy hit on the radio. He was that guy who did, Informer. Kind of a sputtering kind of guy, I had no problems with him, but we bumped into each other and he stumbled. Without warning he launches into a loud flustering commotion in front of me and all i heard was, a threat about kicking my ass at the end of it.

So, I reacted.

I shoved this white rapper and 25 guys swarmed me and while me and the band are trading punches with this crew, a person cut through the chaos and separated us. The fight ended immediately and we were through the posse with him parting the crowd for us to get through.

That man was Weird Al, Yankovic.

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