Old fogies and young pups need not apply?  

CarpeJamie 52M  
93 posts
12/29/2021 8:39 am
Old fogies and young pups need not apply?

A post by a fellow blogger today has caused me to ponder a bit on the topic of age and dating. When I was in my 20s, dating someone 5 years older than me would be a non-starter. I assumed she would be wanting to settle down and start a family , or have already started and I was NOT even close to wanting to start a family at that time. I remember when I was 27, meeting a 34 year old, and thinking: no way, too old. And if she had a already: hard pass, I will introduce her to my 45 year old friend to date instead. When I became 34 I had to smack myself on the head for thinking that way because I saw no real difference between me at 34 and a 27 year old. Even at 40, when I was at work, a 27 year old employee would call me Sir and I was taken aback. Did she think I was old? I was not a SIR! I was Jamie! We were peers in my mind. In my late 40s I wondered if I was on the dating scene again what age range would I look for in a relationship? Oh of course there is the sexual appeal of a young 20 year old; but really? Their minds are too young. They are so naive and inexperienced? Could I date a 70 year old? Is it weird dating a Grandma? Grandmas are old are they not? When I was a that was definitely true. But now, Grandmas are my age, younger and older than me. I remember telling my friends that age is just a number and I would not be so narrow minded. I would date any woman of any age! But is that true?

Now that I am 51 and have entered the dating scene after so many years, I have been trying to convince myself to be open to dating any woman of any age. But the truth is, I think I am a bit of an ageist. On AF.f i have seen many women state very explicitly: only dating men older than 55; OR young bucks only! OR seeking a 40 something! Should I be more narrow in my search? I get along with most people I meet, younger and older than me; and I always think we are about the same age. But truly are we?
Can I date someone who is the age of my parents, over 80? Is it weird to date a 20 year old-just a few years older than my ? Hmmm. Well I could go on a date, no problem! And I certainly open to becoming friends. But would I enter into a relationship with her? A sexual one? In my mind I have artificially drawn a line at 15 years my junior or 15 years my senior. Meaning if you are 66 years old drop me a line. And if you are 35 years old, I would love to meet you. So now comes the hard part. Do I say no thank you to a 67 year old? Not if I am attracted to her. How about at 69 year old? Where do you draw the line? And if you are 32 years old I guess you have to not want for me to be in a relationship with you. Or wait, maybe I could start a second family? Oh what to do!

Where do you draw the line? There are sexy people at all different ages: who am I to be such an ageist!

Time to get the assistance of other bloggers, blog readers and AF.f ers.

Please post a comment with your thoughts!

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author51 59F  
130010 posts
12/29/2021 8:56 am

They do say half your age plus 7 years is a good measuring stick. Where I had my own measuring stick at one time of 35 and up to 65, now has some wiggle room as to how much older then I am but the 35 year olds which I originally had has changed to 40.. I guess it all comes down t o personal choice, chemistry of both the minds and the body, connection and feeling comfortable yourself with one others may deem too old or too young..Great post and food for thought..xoxo

CarpeJamie replies on 12/29/2021 10:47 am:
That measuring stick seems to work for someone younger ... so for some one older how does that work? twice my age at 80 is 160 minus seven is very dead ..... or is it 80 + half my age (40) minus seven ... that's still very dead. Guess you have to do it from the older person's perspective so an 80 year old can get it on with a 47 year old. I like that math when I get that old.

I'm with you that chemistry of the mind and body and being comfortable with yourself is the most important part.

CarpeJamie 52M  
289 posts
12/29/2021 9:04 am

Please let me know do you have an age limit to the people you date? Enter into a relationship with?

Where do you draw your line?

What criteria do you use (your parents age minus 10, your oldest kids age plus 10?

What if the person you are seeing is misrepresenting her/his age? What do you do then?

Is Age really just a number?

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spunkycumfun 62M/67F  
41171 posts
12/29/2021 9:53 am

Since turning 30, I have a ten year-rule, ten years older or younger isn't probably okay to date. But I did break my rule sometimes!

LovingOral1964 58F  
3 posts
12/29/2021 10:21 am

Hi Jamie....
I have always kept an Open Mind with everything in Life, and so with Age as a topic of discussion, I also have kept an open mind. I dated a 27 yr old male when I was 7 yrs older. He had mid level maturity, but I soon had discovered that there wasnt much in common, so that "relationship" ended in its own time.
I also had dated someone 7 yrs older than myself, when I was 18. I have always been mature in my thinking, and way of being. I personally discivered that I prefered Older than myself in the regular dating world.
Since being a member of BlackSexMatch.com, I feel dating within this site is different. I have been with "mature" late 20 somethings, 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's.
Overall I feel I Mesh better with people in their 50's and up. The conversatiins are fascinating and I never run out of things to discuss with these people close to or within a decade of my age. I clearly am Not an Ageist. My friendships or connections are based on Mutual interests, personalities, chemistry and so much more. It is much Nicer to "Date" a person who understands where you are coming from, and who is Mature enough to respect set boundaries and vice versa. Being Open Minded is Something people Can learn to Do. Let Curiosity be their' Guide. My Age limit would be 70, but again depends on the person. I will avoid Younger Men as a rule, as MOST, Maybe Not all 27 and up...are more self centred. I have not set age limits according to the Numbers but Based it on Each Individual. You are absolutely right...at Various Ages we have different wants. As we become Older we have More Life Experiences and Wisdim to Pull from.
So Far, No one has lied about their Age. People have lied about their Marital Stauses...which results in a quick Ending of that Connection.
To summarize Age is A Numbet to a Certain Extent. I Prefer to Date People with Shared Life Experiences and Knowledge. Thank You. L.

Written by LovingOral1964
Hope you enjoyed my Story.

CarpeJamie replies on 12/29/2021 11:00 am:
Well said. What a thoughtful response--thank you for sharing. I think it is easier to develop a connection with someone in the same age/stage that you are in, which is key to fostering a relationship. But of course there are those that are more mature and less mature at all ages which allows for connections (and misses) still. So for sure it depends on the person. I feel that society at large is fairly judgmental when there is a large gap in ages in a couple so it is so important for you to be comfortable with your decision so you can block out all the noise that you may encounter.

CarpeJamie 52M  
289 posts
12/29/2021 10:40 am

    Quoting spunkycumfun:
    Since turning 30, I have a ten year-rule, ten years older or younger isn't probably okay to date. But I did break my rule sometimes!
That is a very comfortable range. How could you not break the rule if someone very tempting connects with you. Totally get it. Thanks for adding to the conversation.

If you wish to contact me, I've setup a private Mailbox Private message Area WHAT39S IN THE VAULT STAYS IN THE VAULT in my Blog. CarpeJamie

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staci_19702 51T  
3767 posts
12/29/2021 11:33 am

Wow. Am going to have to think about this one.
51 here. Could I keep up with a younger woman? 10 years, probably. Depends on her. I’m still pretty active!! Older? Sure. How much older? I don’t know. Does she still wear lingerie and heels?
Being married, and not looking, I just don’t know.

Have a great day! 💋

CarpeJamie replies on 12/29/2021 1:22 pm:
I'm still young at heart even though my body often reminds me I'm not 20 anymore. Definitely can keep up with a younger person! Made me think too.

SilverFoxMark66 67M  
286 posts
12/29/2021 12:17 pm

For me it's always been about initial physical attraction 'tho the "getting to know you" stage can often prove that there is limited chemistry or (very) different expectations incl times available to meet; one very sexual relationship faded out naturally as I was making all the decisions, while a couple of others also remained (very) good friends for cinema, live music gigs etc; btw my 1st hook up on BlackSexMatch.com was with a very sensual 40 year old lady with limited times to meet 'cos of work & family times, so yes I'll always invest (some) time for coffee, dinner etc to confirm chemistry & mutual interests (or none of course) & then decide how to proceed; finally 1 of my 2 blogs is about my late mother's request for advice about dating either a "toy boy" or a "sugar daddy" at the age of 79! So, yes, age is just a number & values / chemistry is far more important IMHO, thanks for sharing the question & good luck from London UK, Mark

CarpeJamie replies on 12/29/2021 4:27 pm:
Right on, right on, right on. I love that your late mother was asking a similar question at 79! You're never too old to be young at heart. I'm always up for a coffee as well. Best wish in your journey in London!

Paulxx001 65M  
22616 posts
12/29/2021 12:35 pm

You make quite a few valid points and I've pondered many of those thoughts myself.
I'd say it's always a moving target, and one where generalities don't apply.
Unfortunately, unless I look into a mirror, I still feel thirty-four-Ish... with a lifetime of experience baked into my smile. ☺

CarpeJamie replies on 12/29/2021 4:28 pm:
I know. Right?! Thirty-Four for ever!

pollly_anna 58F  
697 posts
12/29/2021 1:34 pm

45 is the youngest I would date..........and 75 is the oldest.

CarpeJamie replies on 12/29/2021 4:31 pm:
how come that's your cut off? Same reason as mine? What about a very mature 43 year old?

positively4you 72F  
4605 posts
12/29/2021 2:31 pm

I cant go older, for obvious reasons. 🤦‍♀️

CarpeJamie replies on 12/30/2021 12:43 am:
I completely understand ... you're plate is too full with all the younger guys already. Too many men, not enough time.

smartasswoman 64F  
35813 posts
12/29/2021 2:36 pm

It's a tricky topic. Part of it depends on the type of relationship. I've had flings with men WAY younger than me. I think the youngest was mid-20's when I was in my 50's - eek! (he insisted that he was an "old soul", haha).

I had a FWB who was 20 years younger, for a few years. We got along pretty well but because of distance, never had to consider whether we should get more serious. If I HAD to think about that, I think I would have worried about 'what happens when I'm 80 and he's 60?' I wouldn't have wanted him to be tied down as a "caretaker" while still fairly young himself.

I suppose my general parameter at this point is 10 years younger to 10 years older. Even that may be unrealistic as I can't imagine a 54 y.o. man being attracted to me and I honestly am not all that attracted to older men.

CarpeJamie replies on 12/30/2021 12:48 am:
80 is the new 60....My parents haven't slowed down in their early to mid 80s. Hopefully one doesn't need a caretaker until you mid nineties. I get your point though about keeping the range narrow now. Waning libido ... say it ain't so...I'm hoping that like a fine wine, things continue to get better with age! Thanks for joining in on the conversation!

LadiesR2B1rst 59M  
2735 posts
12/29/2021 3:01 pm

I never liked being called sir. Age is only a number. If the Chemistry is there the rest will fall into place. (Just my opinion). Good luck .

CarpeJamie replies on 12/29/2021 4:41 pm:
Chemistry is the starting place for sure. Sometimes we overthink things and should get out of our own way and just roll with what develops.

bfun19788 44M

12/29/2021 3:12 pm

i prefer older then me always have always

CarpeJamie replies on 12/29/2021 4:44 pm:
Older women rock! My history certainly favors either older women or same age women ... but I've always been mature for my age.

I've finally hit the point where I am working on being less mature (more playful) for my age.

Looking for fun in all the right places!

Fun4u3276 59M

12/29/2021 4:31 pm

Age must be considered depending on the type of relationship one is seeking. Significant age differences can eventually lead to problems. For example, the sex drive of an 80 year old isn't likely to match that of a 55 year old. Now what? Doomed to cheat or doomed to break up, if you are the younger one? What about non-sexual activities? 55 year olds might still want to hike, or engage in other strenuous activities. Could the older partner still engage in such activities? Maybe.
If looking for a shorter term relationship, the "then and now" might make such a relationship work regardless of the age. If looking for longer term, then I think age has to be considered.

CarpeJamie replies on 12/30/2021 12:53 am:
You bring up a really good point about the sex drive! I've assumed that it continues forever no matter how old you are. But I suppose that isn't true. Also, I've been in a relationship where we never had a meeting of the drives and that was very difficult to navigate. Ultimately it became too big an obstacle to overcome. Thanks for the added insight!

Naughtypursuit 54F  
2766 posts
12/31/2021 3:39 pm

As a general rule I have age limits but as you may have learned in your 51 years there are exceptions to every rule.

Life experiences, joie de vivre and energy make can persuade me at times to bend the rules.

CarpeJamie replies on 12/31/2021 4:19 pm:
well said. I love breaking the rules from time to time. Especially when it feels right! Thanks for adding your voice to the conversation.

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