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Leegs2012 51M
96137 posts
12/11/2021 9:44 am

I have lost close friends and family members recenty. Some were my age. Gives you thought. I try to give my advice, if they listen great, if not to each their own. Hope all is well with you my BlackSexMatch.com friend!! Happy Holidays!


jajo696 113F
4287 posts
12/11/2021 11:09 am

jules.....post what you must....what ur heart n souls speaks to. its jut nice to hear from you. I love the blogs that give a glimpse into someones soul. Mine are never sexy or funny...lol. Why its called ..Just Venting....its honest sincere and when i need to vent. I havent posted since Sept tho....just havent felt it.

Does ur crew know the whys of no self care. I know that many many appts are put off due to covid fears. Think about it...the doctors offices and hospitals are already crowded with sick people and all the germs all enclosed together. And now...we have this air born menace dodging the vaxxes and coming for us. There are home colonoscopy kits ( better than nothing).....poop and take /send it in to the lab. I know its easier to have the mamagram with a friend. Maybe offer to make/take/be in the room with them. The dentist drill seems softer with a little sedation, some music and a friend holding ur hand. Smoke a joint before ya go...lol

Thats all i got sistah friend....Im sooooooo sorry for your loss at Thanksgiving....geeze. The craaazy times continue.....and the beat goes on. Hugsss ~~


pagancountrygirl 66F
6466 posts
12/11/2021 1:30 pm

Sorry for the loss of your friend. That's never easy to deal with but it's especially hard when the holiday season is upon us.
Please know that we miss you and your blogs, regardless of the tone of them. If you're needing to vent, vent away! We'll be here for you. Hugs to you and I hope the upcoming holidays are brighter for you.

Pagan
Hmmmm....I know I left that wand around here somewhere!


RangeBull70 53M
696 posts
12/11/2021 3:44 pm

Jules,

So very sorry to hear of your recent loss and tribulations. The funeral circuit is never something one wants to be on … …

I'll echo the sentiments of the other posters - Vent away darlin' !.! It's your Blog write what you like and whatever feels cathartic.

I myself tuned in for the interesting prose and stayed for the wit and never ending intelligence that seeps through your writing. Even when you're venting - it still makes for a damn good read.

As for those who won't do the preventive maintenance - you've told them you care and voiced your concerns … … What more can you do but still love them and be the gentle voice of reason ?.?

I saw someone today at a family event who I had seen in several months and was shocked to see some physical changes reflecting an obvious decline in health. So I know exactly what you're feeling … …

You're not alone out there - Keep on writing and We'll keep tuning in !.!

Battening Down the Hatches for the Next Atmospheric River Headed My Way,

Range Bull

From the Gold Country of Northern California's Sierra Nevada Mountains,

Range Bull


MyNameIsKay 62F  
11887 posts
12/11/2021 4:11 pm

I’m truly sorry for the loss of your friend. Now that I’ve turned 60…a number with which I struggle…I think about those kinds of things more…my brothers and cousins. We are a remarkably healthy bunch, but I am the youngest of the lot. I fear that once the first one goes, I’ll be at the cemetery more than my heart can bear. Fear is at the heart of this, and I’m doing my best not to live out of it.

As for the worry…you may not be able to help the worry. It sounds like it’s in your nature to care deeply and want to share that concern to keep the few people in your tight circle healthy and around for as long as possible.

And at the risk of offending you, I’d like to share my reasoning as to why I am not getting the booster. My younger daughter (1 asked me why I initially got vaccinated. Both of my girls and I were as soon as we could. But we each had our own separate motivations for doing so. I have a great immune system and routinely avoid the annual flu shot. I prefer to have natural immunity build in my system if possible. On the rare occasion that I get sick, I figure that my immunity is just getting stronger. I wasn’t sure that was going to be the case with Covid. So my whole point in getting vaccinated in the beginning was not so that I wouldn’t get it but that I wouldn’t die from it. My girls only have me, and neither of them is on her own yet. They aren’t ready for me to be 6 feet down at this point. So I got vaccinated. That part of the vaccine isn’t waning. So I’m good with where I am with my immune system.

The point I’m making (and likely poorly making) is that each of us has a reason for what we do. My reasons aren’t my kids’ reasons. Your friends’ reasons are their own just as yours are your own.

Love your friends; hug your friends; keep them close; and allow them to take their own path through life…as they do for you. (I probably just should have said this last part and stopped writing.) Peace to you sweet Jules.

Swim...Bike...Done


oldbstrd55 67M
3292 posts
12/11/2021 5:13 pm

I know I'm overdo for a checkup, just been stalling till my Medicare kicks in in another month. Lost an aunt and a cousin this last week and a couple of friends this year.


LadiesR2B1rst 60M  
2735 posts
12/11/2021 6:26 pm

Real people have real lives and they are not all good days. Thanks for Sharing and writing such a nice blog . Take Care and Merry Christmas.


pacnwlover42 55M
9808 posts
12/11/2021 10:52 pm

We will always adore you. You are one of a kind here at blogland. Sorry for your loss and I have friends I’m concerned about as well. I stay healthy and balanced being outdoors in nature. Oh and once again I am getting naked in those outdoor settings.

Funny women are incredibly sexy!


smartasswoman 66F  
35813 posts
12/12/2021 10:49 am

I'm so sorry about your friend. It really hurts when there are "what-if's" involved, wondering if it could have been avoided.

The only similar situation I had was that I have a couple of friends who had the J&J one dose vaccine last spring. I follow Covid news pretty closely and by October I was reading reports that J&J protection falls off dramatically after six months (much more than Pfizer or Moderna). At lunch with the two of them I brought this up and was kind of shocked when one of them burst out, "That's not true!" I was a bit dismayed that neither one of them seemed to be feeling any urgency about getting a booster.

But, I didn't press it. All I can do is share the information. I think both of them are finally boosted now, which is a big relief. But I think if either one of them had gotten sick in the interim, I would have wondered if I should have pressed the issue more strongly.


DoctorBooty 43M  
6426 posts
12/12/2021 1:55 pm

You can't save people, they have to do it themselves. Its a hard lesson I've had to learn. They are ultimately responsible for themselves.

Would I fuss at my friend for doing something stupid? Yes, and they'll fuss at me likewise. But all you can do is chide a little and let it go. When you keep it up you just tick people off, and end up losing friendships. Thats all i can say.

But this virus/vax stuff is so polarizing, partly because of the politicians mix-messaging along the way and then even moreso the media, that I've learned its best to not even discuss it, or at least don't get mad everytime its brought up. People dig in then.


TicklePlease 56F  
13851 posts
12/12/2021 4:56 pm

I'm sorry to hear about your friends unexpected passing. I don't know how to "convince" people to care about themselves to the level that I expect them to. Without alienating them that is.

Essentially I have nothing to say that might in any way help. I just have to keep reminding myself that it's not up to me. That in many cases, I'm punishing myself by walling myself out of their lives for something that's not my decision.


Fun4u3276 60M

12/12/2021 7:22 pm

I suspect a lot of people are simply afraid of the doctor or afraid of the bill. People are afraid of what might be diagnosed. An operation of any kind will leave most with thousands in bills. God forbid if one needs two procedures in the same year--they could lose their homes with Obamacare insurance. Even if that isn't the case, fear of being diagnosed with a chronic condition keeps people away--ignorance is bliss. Of course, if there are symptoms of something serious, then it isn't such bliss! I think we all have people in our lives who for one reason or another don't go to the doctors; I know I do!


CarpeJamie 54M
289 posts
12/12/2021 9:18 pm

I live in Canada, where thankfully heathcare is mostly free. From reading the comments to your post it frightens me how many Americans have to choose between healthcare and regular living expenses or huge debt. I wish that was the only reason why people don't get on to preventative healthcare / testing regularly. But even here where there is no worry about financial hardship from seeing the doctor -- many acquaintances still don't go for regular check-ups. I wonder if the same people take their cars in for regular servicing. i know I've heard many people say -- I feel fine .... I'll go when I really get sick .... or I'm too young to worry about that .... And I know many people when they are unwell say "I'll just get some rest and my body will heal itself". Sadly these are misplaced sentiments because often we miss or dismiss many of the warning signs that our bodies give us until it's too late. There are so many things we can avoid / treat if we catch them early. Unfortunately too many wait until it's too late or have to learn the hard way. As a society we really need to change our thinking about go, go, go to a more healthy way of living. All you can do is let your friends know you care, encourage them to look after themselves and hope that they do so sooner than later. Of course you can send them news items and articles to help inform them.

Glad to see you posting again.

If you wish to contact me, I've setup a private Mailbox Private message Area WHAT39S IN THE VAULT STAYS IN THE VAULT in my Blog. CarpeJamie

Check out my Blog CarpeJamie


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
12/13/2021 10:36 am

Hi Jules. I'm sad about your friend. I did lose a close friend once, many years ago, and both my parents are dead, but I haven't lost a close friend for a long time and I'm dreading it. It's more likely to happen now as each year goes by of course.

You know, although I have leant on my blogging friends on and off over the years, like you, I try to post uplifting fun stuff. But sometimes the inspiration just isn't there, sometimes I don't feel sexy enough. When I leave my blog unattended for that reason I think it is the right thing to do, but hearing that coming from you.....well I am not so sure. I was really pleased to see you had a new post up, and just because it contained serious questions and some sad news didn't make it a disappointment. Although I haven't read all the way back through your sexy posts, I do know that your blog has also been a mixture of stuff you care about, and all with a pretty positive mindset. Along with the sexy bits and the thoughtful bits and the funny bits it is that positive mindset I come looking for - you don't need to apologise for insights into things you struggle with, or that make you sad. I think even the things that make you sad have inspired people, and I am beginning to understand why.

So to the main point of the blog - how far should we go in telling our friends to look after themselves? It's a really difficult area. But I think it depends on the friend and the nature of the relationship. Everyone who can should be responsible for looking after themselves. If they have a different view of how to do that from ours, then I think we have to accept that it is their decision. I mean, I hate to go to the doctor, and usually get well by myself. I wouldn't want a friend constantly pestering me with their view of best healthcare practice. But I know there are some things I can't do on my own. I definitely saw the need to get vaccinated and boosted, even though I hate needles. On long term illness there is a temptation not to want to know, not to get screened, but on the other hand I would value a loved one who told me, "you should go - it may be nothing but best to find out." So I realise that early warning signs are best heeded, and have always tried to do so. (Thankfully, so far a complete false alarm, lol! ) But all of that is just me - why should I expect anyone else to have the same set of criteria? It's a difficult decision - whether to say anything at all, and how not to be infringing their right to self determine. Then there are some people who want and need to be pushed into doing something which frightens them. They might be just waiting for us to say something.......

And further, if we can see that there is an element of deliberate self destruction in what they are doing, then maybe we owe it to them to try to help them change. Maybe, if it is someone we really love deeply, we owe it to ourselves to point it out to them too, because for them to neglect their health in front of someone who loves them is actually pretty selfish......

I have mentioned on these blogs before that sometimes the hardest thing to do if you want to be a friend is to know when to just let the other person be themselves. I'm not that good at it. Not that I want to control anyone, but I find it harder to like someone who doesn't share my values in certain areas. How do we judge when it is right to interfere, how do we know when we can't interfere, and if that means we can't really be friends either?

I wish I had answers for you Jules, and if I did, I would use them for myself. If there were answers, you would have thought of them yourself by now, lol .


Mr_Mercedes 61M
617 posts
12/13/2021 1:26 pm

So sorry to hear about your friend, Jules.

I think it's a 'damned if you do and damened if you don't' situation.

So as hard as it is, I would rather be damned pushing them in the right direction - even if they don't want to hear it. I would be more at peace with myself for having tried. Easier said than done.


Looking for Mischief


CedarsPrince 44M
1608 posts
12/13/2021 4:20 pm

Instinctively, I put up walls to protect myself. Why should I care so much about them when they don't care about themselves?

What are your thoughts?
Have you been in a similar situation?
How have you handled it?


Rule #1, always take care of yourself first. That way, you can be there for those who love you and count on you.

Not everyone is going to listen to your advice. I am speaking from experience when I have had people listen and ignore my advice. I know. I am still trying to convince my parents to get life insurance or even draft a will.

In the end, you can offer advice but you have to accept whether people will follow it or not and not beat yourself up over it. There's nothing wrong with advocating others to take care of themselves, instead of being reserved and silent. It's ok to care, but not ok to let it bother you if others don't want to care for themselves.


merlot5555 67M/57F  
1472 posts
12/14/2021 5:58 am

…. That was an insightful post…. sometimes I can prattle on but this thought is brief…. Although it is sometimes difficult to see, the glass truly is always more than half full… unexpected surprises can instantly bring the sunshine you thought had gone away…. Carpe diem Verona…


HermanG67 56M
8464 posts
12/14/2021 8:41 am

sigh

sometimes all we can really do is care about people... how they live is beyond our control

TIGHT HUGS


seingalt23 59M
5565 posts
12/16/2021 8:10 am

I´m not expecting only sexy stuff, I would like to know more about real people, and we all real people are having our ups and downs.

Your questions are difficult to answer, especially for me, as I´m quite often giving advise without being asked for . So, I would chase my friends, until they clearly stop me.
By the way, I´m overdue for a body scan, tried to get one but it´s currently not easy to get such an appointment here.

The most important message in my view for your friends:

I want you to be alive for along time, I´m taking care and having some concerns about, what you are doing and what you are not doing.

By the way, I had my booster jab on Tuesday, I read a lot of reports and analyses and made the decision, it´s better to be vaccinated, the risks are lower compared to catching Covid-19.
Was not an easy talk with my land lady, she is totally against vaccination, living healthy, keeping the distance to most people - I hope, she will stay healthy.

Hugs & kisses (from the distance / the other side, but would prefer them in person, Jules

Giacomo


69bud69 69M
7134 posts
12/17/2021 1:22 am

Hi Juiles,
I feel your pain. I say that with all sincerity and feeling. I have friends who are the same way. However, I must admit, that most of my closer ones are fully vaccinated. I don't know why though, some won't take that extra step and get a booster. That to me is perplexing.

I'm sorry you have lost some friends. I have never understood why as we get older, some don't either know how to take care of their bodies or just flat our refuse. Thinking as your one friend states, "I'm fine."

You are a caring compassionate person who, like me, enjoys the benefits that having a close friend and what it means as a person.. However, to watch them not take care of themselves, or protect themselves, especially against something like this disease, where the protection is offered at no cost, seems down right silly.

I feel your pain and frustration. Don't you feel we have all built walls in the last twenty months or so to protect us from the seeming stupidity of some? It's a natural defensive device I feel is a built in mechanism protecting our psychological well being.

Please take care and know you are not alone in your frustration. However, you are not alone either.

BTW, it's so nice hearing from you and knowing you are safe.

Take care Julies.

Bud

Always Ready for Fun.


cherchez4u 61M
28 posts
12/19/2021 11:45 am

There seems to be a pervasive attitude that it (whatever it it may be) won't happen to me. Like you, I don't get it. I have pretty good medical insurance through work and I take every advantage of it.

Granted some folks may not have that option but still, we have one body and I want it to last as long as I can.

Although, on the flip side, I've seen some folks in nursing homes and i question if I want to live that long if that is the life we're destined for in our old age.


CedarsPrince 44M
1608 posts
12/26/2021 6:01 am


Jules1590 replies on 12/23/2021 10:31 pm:
Ugh. Shaking my head over the uphill battle with your parents. WHY so difficult. I think its a little late for life insurance darlin, but a will...? Oy. That's rough.

Feliz navidad.

oxoxo


Feliz Navidad hermosa.

Parents always think they know better than their kids...until they need someone to tell hi how to use modern technology. Hope they come around and do the other things I ask them to do.


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