Fantasies...What's that about?  

12FK2 46F  
300 posts
8/1/2020 12:01 pm

Last Read:
8/8/2020 10:42 am

Fantasies...What's that about?


Ok, right out of the g I will clarify that, in general, I understand what fantasies are and what they mean. This post is inspired by the number of times I engage with someone in BlackSexMatch.com and they inevitably ask "What fantasies do you have?" or "Tell m3 about your fantasies". This question always feels awkward. Mostly because I feel what they really want 2 know are the sexual things I like but just don't want 2 ask that directly maybe. Or perhaps the person asking just wants 2 gauge how freaky I am or if there is some out of the box thing they've never thought of? Truthfully, at this age, there are not many things that I have NOT done (sexually) that I've wanted 2 try. Either way, It adds pressure in the convo , because my answer 2 both of those questions is "No, there is nothing I've wanted 2 try that I haven't tried (sexually) and No, I don't have any fantasies, because I've tried what I've wanted 2 try". But when you answer NO, it feels like that implies (2 the person asking) that you're boring sexually or not creative, kinky or passionate. Which is not true. I'm all of those things, I just don't think fantasy questions are a good gauge of that. I feel there are other ways 2 discover those things about a person.

Not for nothing, 95% of the time, when I flip the question about fantasies 2 the person asking me, they usually have no answer. Or they just state things they like such as a 3some or jello wrestling, etc. lol. Which may be marginally interesting but usually doesn't create forward progress.

So what is the goal of the fantasy question? Make conversation? Get aroused by someone else's fantasy? Proclaim you can make it come true? Get ideas for yourself? Figure out if this person is kinky enough for you?

Maybe it's just that I don't look at passionate sexual encounters with a lover in terms of fantasy or trying 2 fulfill a fantasy. Ultimately, I want an intimate experience with a compatible partner where we can be as kinky, free and passionate as we want and create memorable experiences for both of us. I want that reality. As a result, I don't have some super kinky narrative ready 2 share about some fantasy that I've always dreamed of.

Fantasy, as far as I can tell, are things that are improbable or impossible. I think most sexual endeavors these days fall in the category of probable or possible.

I'd love your thoughts on the fantasy question when trying 2 connect with someone. Is it helpful or no? Do you have an answer 2 the fantasy question for yourself?

12FK2 46F  
554 posts
8/1/2020 12:02 pm

Reality usually doesn't live up to fantasy. Except sometimes. lol


classicalrebel4 65M  
1465 posts
8/1/2020 1:15 pm

I wonder if the people who ask what your fantasies are will be able to deal with the reality of being with you.

My fantasy: being with someone who wants to be with me.

Please don't let me be misunderstood.


12FK2 replies on 8/1/2020 4:15 pm:
As opposed to dealing with the reality of being with you? Yes. Hope your fantasy comes true. But we know how fantasies go. Best to you.

merlot5555 64M  
878 posts
8/1/2020 2:33 pm

...create your own realities and the fantasies will write themselves.....


12FK2 replies on 8/1/2020 4:17 pm:
Yes, I like how you think. Thanks for stopping by.

Wok2016 38M  
473 posts
8/1/2020 3:15 pm

I think as much as anything they're just gauging your freak-level to know how to proceed. And possibly looking for ideas for the next time someone else asks them the same question.

My fantasy is probably a group play/orgy situation, where I can watch, give, and receive in more or less equal measure. And for people to be nice to one another. Either or is fine for the time being!


12FK2 replies on 8/1/2020 4:22 pm:
Could be just what you said. I know my freak level gets higher the more comfortable I am with a person. As a first step though, it sometimes makes a tough transition if you start there. Sometimes. lol

Your fantasy seems doable around here, lots of people looking for that. Hope you get to live it out. And, yes, I hope people can be nicer to each other too. Thanks for commenting.

New2Midlo 48M  
387 posts
8/1/2020 6:52 pm

The few who've asked that question of me have come away disappointed, as well, for the same reasons. Sure, I had the threesome with two women fantasy, when I was younger, but that's long since faded. Instead, I prefer to try making my partner's fantasies come true, which is what brings me the most satisfaction.

In my experience, most women don't feel comfortable sharing their fantasies until they trust you enough with their vulnerability.


12FK2 replies on 8/2/2020 10:40 am:
I agree. It's nice to share sexual likes and kinks, but easier if there is at least a little comfort level. I guess I see it more as talking about either things you like or things that turn you on (as opposed to fantasy). Not everything that turns a person on is a fantasy that they want to make come true, just something they like (kind of like watching weird porn that you enjoy but don't want to try lol). It's just something that is a turn on. Thanks for commenting.

BiggLala 48F  
28527 posts
8/2/2020 12:08 pm

Okay...first...I JUST began reading and had this thought. A young-er man, whom I've never interacted with, recently emailed me to ask what I like to do a lot of during sex. I responded with, orgasm. He didn't reply.

...okay, off to finish reading your post.

Need a way to message ALL members?...click here for helpful instructions in setting up a private messaging blog post.


12FK2 replies on 8/2/2020 1:25 pm:
LOL! Perfect response.

BiggLala 48F  
28527 posts
8/2/2020 12:13 pm

So what is the goal of the fantasy question? Make conversation? Get aroused by someone else's fantasy? Proclaim you can make it come true? Get ideas for yourself? Figure out if this person is kinky enough for you?
-My guess is that it's a bit of all of that. However, I think it's MOSTLY a reason for the person asking to engage in a sexting, to get hot, bothered, and then to get off. Period. I think this is especially true if asked in the initial stages of conversation.

I agree that there are ways to find out a potential lover's fantasies. I'll add that I think timing factors in as well. For me, a person asking me those questions at the onset will NOT be a potential lover. Just my experiences.

And, yes, I have a fantasy I've yet to try. It's likely I never will (there are several reasons for that ).

Great post!!!

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12FK2 replies on 8/2/2020 1:27 pm:
Yes! Thank you! It's awkward trying to address that at the beginning of the situation. See that's the impression I get too with some people, they are just trying to get off in the moment. Although, I'm sure some do it for the other reasons too. Thanks for commenting!

storm8732 63M  
22 posts
8/2/2020 2:08 pm

I agree with you. Maybe its an age thing.... I know i dont have fantasies..... I do enjoy sex. The best part for me is find out what my partner enjoys and giving them as pleasure as possible. If they want to try something new to them then thats great..... I Dont know that i would call it a fantasy though.


12FK2 replies on 8/2/2020 6:12 pm:
That is the best part, exploring together. In listening to some of the comments here, I'm thinking that many are in agreement that it's good to discover what you and your partner like. But that's just it, you discover that once you've connected and gotten comfortable with one another...operative word being partner (hopefully in the flesh). It just seems bad timing to try and extract that info at the beginning of a conversation with a stranger. Thanks for commenting!

lindoboy100 57M
21595 posts
8/2/2020 3:38 pm

Intimacy, that's what I really enjoy most of all. Good sex usually follows.

I guess I have a few 'fantasies', perhaps of things I'd like to try with my partner. But I think most fantasies should probably remain fantasies, because I doubt the reality would live up to what you've conjured up in your own mind?

Good post Mc12!

Pull ma finger.........


12FK2 replies on 8/2/2020 6:16 pm:
Yes! Intimacy first, then good sex. In that frame of mind, two people can create wonderful magic together. I think talking about what you like or fantasy is good, it's just hard to do with a stranger where no intimacy or comfort is established. Thanks for stopping by Mclindo! (I love how you do that with names, lol)

BiggLala 48F  
28527 posts
8/3/2020 8:39 am

    Quoting lindoboy100:
    Intimacy, that's what I really enjoy most of all. Good sex usually follows.

    I guess I have a few 'fantasies', perhaps of things I'd like to try with my partner. But I think most fantasies should probably remain fantasies, because I doubt the reality would live up to what you've conjured up in your own mind?

    Good post Mc12!
Thanks for stopping by Mclindo! (I love how you do that with names, lol)
-Don't get him started, lol. Just you wait until you have to have your superduper McLindo decoder ring to translate his McSpeak when he really gets going.

...hmmmm...or maybe that's just ME he does that too? Nah...he'll get around to you soon enough.

(and, yes, I kinda felt like hijacking your post...plus messing with McLindo is just...FUN!!! )

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12FK2 replies on 8/3/2020 7:05 pm:
LOL. I've seen the Mcspeak too. I can translate 35% of the time. lol And feel free to high jack my posts anytime you want, it's fun seeing the comments.

lindoboy100 57M
21595 posts
8/3/2020 8:57 am

    Quoting BiggLala:
    Thanks for stopping by Mclindo! (I love how you do that with names, lol)
    -Don't get him started, lol. Just you wait until you have to have your superduper McLindo decoder ring to translate his McSpeak when he really gets going.

    ...hmmmm...or maybe that's just ME he does that too? Nah...he'll get around to you soon enough.

    (and, yes, I kinda felt like hijacking your post...plus messing with McLindo is just...FUN!!! )
Ah'll gi'e ye a right guid hijackin' ony time ye wahnt McBiggles!! Ye're so gettin' yer arse skelped!!

Skelpity skelp, skelp, skelp!

Pull ma finger.........


EnigmaInitiative 52F  
3076 posts
8/3/2020 11:21 am

So what is the goal of the fantasy question? Make conversation? Get aroused by someone else's fantasy? Proclaim you can make it come true? Get ideas for yourself? Figure out if this person is kinky enough for you?

I suspect it's a combination of all or some and a bit of "making conversation". I think, often, people struggle with making conversation in emails, and many men on this site are only interested in a woman's sexually and no other part of her life.

I don't trust words as much as actions.


12FK2 replies on 8/3/2020 7:06 pm:
Yeah, that's the sad part. It would be less awkward to talk if they would talk about a few other things other than the sexual stuff. I think more people would be open to the sexual talk if they did. Thanks for commenting!

freespirit11501 50M
1269 posts
8/5/2020 1:49 pm

I think for most, it is probably a conversation starter and a way to gauge someone's sexual compatibility. I agree that a "fantasy" implies something that is improbable to occur, however, asking about someone's fantasy can also serve as a glimpse into someone's imagination. I love exploring a partner's sexy mind as much as her body, but you are absolutely right, there needs to be a comfort level reached in order to fully explore one's sexual imagination freely.

PLEASE COME AND CHECK OUT MY BLOG AND IF YOU ENJOYED IT LEAVE ME A COMMENT. KEEP IT SEXY!!


12FK2 replies on 8/5/2020 4:48 pm:
I like to know my partner's sexual creativity as well, agreed. Ultimately, for me, comfort is key to sharing it. Strangers trying to force that out in the opening moments of conversation doesn't create that comfort. I suppose there are times that could work if both people just want to talk sex and nothing but sex to get aroused in the moment, so that's possible too. Thanks for commenting!

Hope you're doing ok and fully recovered?

CedarsPrince 40M
1190 posts
8/8/2020 8:16 am

So what is the goal of the fantasy question? Make conversation? Get aroused by someone else's fantasy? Proclaim you can make it come true? Get ideas for yourself? Figure out if this person is kinky enough for you?

It could be any one of those things. It depends on the person. For me, if the topic comes up, it let's me know more about the person's personality. However, most fantasies remain a fantasy so it doesn't that much to me compared to other aspects of their personality and attitude.


12FK2 replies on 8/8/2020 10:38 am:
That makes sense. Thanks for commenting!

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